To be upset about being left off the parents Christmas card DS (aged 9) made at school this year?

[alixpally]

We are not normally fussed about cards of any kind, so am surprised to find myself a bit upset and puzzled by the fact that DS (9) completely left me off his school handmade Christmas card this year - it was addressed only to "Dear Daddy". We are an extremely close family (he's an only child, and we mostly work from home and do lots of activities together all the time), so it feels strange.
When I asked why I wasn't included, he said the teacher had told them it could be addressed to anyone they wanted and that's who he wanted to address it to.
When I pressed for further explanation/discussion of this, DP said I was making to much of a fuss over it, that DS is just 9 and not emotionally mature, and I should just accept his choice and a hastily added 'and mummy' on the card. He did this in front of DS, and I felt pressured to just sweep the issue under the rug, or be branded overly-sensitive or jealous.
Part of me agrees it's not a big deal and DS is emotionally immature, but I am still puzzled as to why it happened, and having reflected on it, it feels like a missed opportunity to help gain some emotional maturity by making him more aware of how his actions and choices affect the feelings of others, and having a discussion about misogyny. Am I being unreasonable?

I think kids also take the instructions literally. If they are asked to design a card for “a person of their choice” then they will do that.

Also, misogyny?? I’m a feminist but this seems a stretch too far 🤣

Absolutely let it go
do not make your son feel guilty about this
do not make it all about you

t's just that in all previous years cards have been addressed to both of us, that's why it seemed a bit unusual

So tell him that next time he makes a card, he should think about who to send it to because it made you sad that you weren't on this Christmas card. Tell him that being sent cards is something that's important to you.

I understand your feelings but I think leaving it was the right option. He's a 9 year old child who was just thinking in the moment. Children just do random things sometimes and I am sure he loves you very much

I can't believe you got your DP to actually write "and mummy" on the front of the card.

I think you are a bit overreacting.
Is your son on the spectrum?
When I was nine, I would take it as addressing the card to one person only.
Also an emotionally immature kid and possible autism.
Doesn't mean he purposely excluded you, OP.

Touch of narcissism creeping in there OP?
Mine would probably have addressed it to his football coach!
Aww I hope he didn't pick up on your disappointment.

it feels like a missed opportunity to help gain some emotional maturity by making him more aware of how his actions and choices affect the feelings of others, and having a discussion about misogyny

He's 9. He wanted to make his dad a card. That's it. That's all there is to it.

I bet he did

Yeah did DP do this? If so why is he so scared of you!

When I was younger, I had an operation.
My dad has said he would try to get there for me coming up from recovery (he was working that day). My mum was always going to be there (SAHM).
Apparently, the first thing I asked was whether my dad was there. They then told my parents that I only wanted to see my dad. This makes my heart hurt 3 decades later for my mum, and was something taken completely wrongly and out of context. Me and my mum were far closer, I just already knew she was there and wanted to know if my dad was too.

Honestly, there won’t be anything more to it than he’s been told he can address it to ‘anyONE he likes’ and he’s taken the one literally - and Daddy happened to be the ‘one’ on his mind at that moment.

I think this was really cruel the more I think about it

As a teacher you have to be very sensitive about fostered kids and one parent families especially at this time it can case hurt

I think your son took the teacher literally and named OnE person

in my experience it’s the less involved or absent parent who gets the most name checked by kids so achually it’s a complement not a slight

tell him in a lighthearted way you are put out but you are massively overthinking

I’d be hurt as well.

Yes. This was my daughter this year.

I expect the instruction was 'it doesn't have to be for mum and dad e.g it can be Dear Bob'.

So not only did it only go to her dad alone, it was addressed to his first name rather than 'Daddy'!

From the perspective of your son's actions, I do agree with others that you are massively over-thinking it. He might have been in a rush, or just thinking of his Dad at that time, or thinking about how he always spends more time with you and maybe his Dad feels left out or something like that.

And I agree with your DH that you made too much of a deal of it. However, it would have been nice of your DH to catch your DS and say 'I love your card, shall we make one for Mummy too?'. I'd think nothing more of the actions of your DS, but if it was me in your position, I think I would hope that DH might steer DS towards making one for me. If you're feeling a bit unappreciated generally, I would look to your DH as to why, rather than a card made at school by DS.

You might be hurt, but would you make your OH write "and mummy" on the front of the card, and make it into a teachable moment about misogyny?

I once had one from my son which read dear mummy (which was crossed out) and then said dear daddy 😆

Misogyny?? FFS. He's a child, it was a Christmas card. Massive overthinking here.

I think that's the key here. It's fine to be a bit "oh I'd have loved a card too" internally but op is taking it a bit far. Perhaps some counselling would help you unpick this op?

He took the teacher’s instruction literally. They said, write it to someone, so he thought he had to pick between you.
In your situation, I’d be pleased he picked dad. So many rubbish dads on here, so lovely to know your son feels such love for his dad.
I wouldn’t give it any more thought. Your sons doesn’t need to be stressed about this.

Poor kid. He got to choose who he made the card for and he chose his dad. That's fine. My kids have done a mixture of me and their dad at school over the years.

What it is the issue? I really hope he isn't feeling terrible now as he didn't do anything wrong.

The card isn't really the issue. I am guessing that DS understood the card had to be addressed to one person. And it hurts to be the other parent, but kids often have a preference (which chops and changes as they grow up)

For me the problem is your DP sweeping away your feelings, and both of you having this conversation in front of DS.

But for your own peace of mind, OP, I'd have a quick review of the things you do with and for DS. Are you the disciplinarian parent who does all the donkey work of preparation, getting stuff ready for school, all the appointments? is your DP the fun parent who gets to take DS to football, horse around and so on? If it is, change that up.

If not and you also do fun things with DS - you need to learn to accept that people have preferences. Sorry.

Would you be making this a teachable moment if it had just been addressed to you?

She doesn't do that much donkey work if they only found a Christmas card in his bag a couple of days ago. Probably had things living in it by that point.