To be upset about being left off the parents Christmas card DS (aged 9) made at school this year?

[alixpally]

We are not normally fussed about cards of any kind, so am surprised to find myself a bit upset and puzzled by the fact that DS (9) completely left me off his school handmade Christmas card this year - it was addressed only to "Dear Daddy". We are an extremely close family (he's an only child, and we mostly work from home and do lots of activities together all the time), so it feels strange.
When I asked why I wasn't included, he said the teacher had told them it could be addressed to anyone they wanted and that's who he wanted to address it to.
When I pressed for further explanation/discussion of this, DP said I was making to much of a fuss over it, that DS is just 9 and not emotionally mature, and I should just accept his choice and a hastily added 'and mummy' on the card. He did this in front of DS, and I felt pressured to just sweep the issue under the rug, or be branded overly-sensitive or jealous.
Part of me agrees it's not a big deal and DS is emotionally immature, but I am still puzzled as to why it happened, and having reflected on it, it feels like a missed opportunity to help gain some emotional maturity by making him more aware of how his actions and choices affect the feelings of others, and having a discussion about misogyny. Am I being unreasonable?

You think your 9yo was being misogynistic for making a Christmas card for his Dad?

This. DS once made one for the lollipop man.

I think being quietly a bit hurt or taken back is fair enough, but challenging him on it to the point your dh felt the need to alter the card (really rude to your DS imo) is overkill. And turning it into a discussion on misogyny would have been totally ridiculous.
I'd be more internally wondering why and keeping an eye to see if it is symptomatic of your relationship with your DS generally or just a random kid thing. And if he doesn't feel as close to you as to his dad that is on you to work on, not talk to him about.

At that moment DS was thinking about Daddy and wanting to make him a card. It’s fine. Another time he will be thinking about you.

I suspect he just wrote one name so he had to do less writing.

My DD (8) wrote to mom and dad on it which was nice usually it’s addressed to just me. Considering her dad doesn’t live with us (we broke up years ago) but is still a massive part of her life.

i wouldn’t take it to heart dp plus Mother’s Day will be soon so you’ll have a card to yourself xx

I think kids at school try really hard to conform sometimes, so he probably thought he was only allowed to write it to only one person. Or other kids on his table were writing to their dads? Honestly, don't over think it. You don't need a card to 'prove' how much he loves you, you know!

it feels like a missed opportunity to help gain some emotional maturity by making him more aware of how his actions and choices affect the feelings of others, and having a discussion about misogyny. Am I being unreasonable

Youre being absolutely unreasonable on so many levels. Misogynistic?? Don't be so bloody ridiculous

Yeah DC6 came home this year with a lovely handmade card for his aunt, uncle, cousins, and their dog 🤷‍♀️ Me and DH just laughed.

Cop on to yourself, mate.

Part of me agrees it's not a big deal and DS is emotionally immature, but I am still puzzled as to why it happened, and having reflected on it, it feels like a missed opportunity to help gain some emotional maturity by making him more aware of how his actions and choices affect the feelings of others, and having a discussion about misogyny. Am I being unreasonable?

Seriously get a hold of yourself. He is 9 and he made a card for his Dad. It's really not that deep but well done for making your kid feel like crap.

it feels like a missed opportunity to help gain some emotional maturity by making him more aware of how his actions and choices affect the feelings of others

Maybe he felt dad didn’t make one for dad previously and was showing emotional maturity by making him one this year?

He may have wanted to copy off a friend
He may have run out of time
He may have wanted to make his life as easy as possible

Oh my kids do this, they send cards to Daddy (who lives with us and is my equal partner) all the time. I think they are just trying to get his attention/approval as he is more strict and they have to make more effort to be good when around him, my parenting style is more gentle. Mummy doesn't need a card as they get what they want anyway but a card for Daddy might get some points towards those extra V bucks thry are trying to hoodwink out of him.. that kind of thing. I wouldn't read to much into it.

This can't possibly be real, can't be.

OP claims their kid is a 9yo but OP sounds like they're a 6yo, the maths just don't add up.

... My DD is 11, in 45, she sent a hand made Christmas card to her 5 Elfs (elves?) On A Shelf that she moves around and poses on the Christmas tree...

...it feels like a missed opportunity to help gain some emotional maturity by making her more aware of how her actions and choices affect the feelings of her others toys, and having a discussion about Miss Piggy... and Kermit.

Completely agree, they just don't put much thought into it. I actually said to my Y4s this year, so same age as your son, to make sure no one in their family feels left out when they write on their card because it's such a common thing for them to do.

Misogyny?

Don’t be ridiculous

Seriously OP, you need to get over this, and to suggest it's anything to do with misogyny is absolutely ridiculous. You're looking for issues where there are none.

His dad was probably the first person he thought of in that moment. It doesn't mean he loves his dad more. Your son should be able to show his dad some love and appreciation without worrying his mum will take offence.

I can't believe you grilled the teacher about it, especially for a 9 year old, and you still pushed after an explanation. "A conversation about misogyny" because he wrote a card to his dad?!
Honestly.

Bonkers.

He's your son. If you want to talk to him about misogyny, emotional maturity and feelings then you can.