International Women’s Day

[SeAmableSiempre]

My friend organises an International Women’s Day event every year. I attended once 5 yrs ago and spent the day cringing inside whilst women stood at a lectern telling their hard done by stories, their successes in life ‘as a woman’, their hardships, tragedies and traumas whilst onlookers cried into their tissues and patted each other on the backs.
My friend persistently asks me to attend and for the past 4 yrs I’ve declined. I don’t feel the need to attend an event to fight for my rights as a woman, I don’t need constant praise, I don’t need someone on a podium implying I need to fight for my dignity, and I don’t need a day in a room full of women focusing on feeling hard done by because of their gender. I personally feel that ‘fighting’ to be recognised for our strengths as women diminishes how great we are. We have many skills that men do not have, and men have many skills that women do not have, we are individual and unique, in a partnership, in the workplace or in the home, we all have strengths and weaknesses regardless of gender.
The bottom line is I love being a woman, and I haven’t experienced any barriers in life, at home or in the workplace. I love that my husband looks after me and sees me as a woman. I love that he appreciates my femininity.

I don’t want or care to fix the dishwasher if it breaks, I don’t want to change the oil filter on my car, and there’s many other tasks I’m not interested in that my husband automatically takes care of. And yes, I’m wonderfully happy taking care of the laundry, washing the floor and cleaning the bathroom, I definitely don’t feel put upon or disrespected because we are a partnership using our own strengths within a solid relationship.
My friend turned up this morning asking me to buy a ticket for her event, literally pushing the ticket at me, and when I said I wouldn’t be coming she got quite cross with me saying I should be fighting for my rights and gender and supporting other women.
I’ve probably not explained this very well, and it might sound a bit like I’m saying ‘bugger you Jack I’m alright’, but that’s not what I mean. I simply can’t support a cause or a friend who implies that I need to fight for something when I don’t. AIBU?

The only big fight I see with women’s rights is the fight to defend the definition of a woman, and seeing as most of these ‘IWD’ seem to think women includes blokes who think they are women I see these events as doing the opposite of protecting women’s rights, and do they can get stuffed.

Tell your friend to get lost.

Surely one of the things every woman should want is choice. Your choice is to do something else on IWD, it should be respected.

So don't go, just tell her thanks but I'm really not interested and please don't ask me again as I don't want it to cause issues with our friendship. Job done. You don't need to be a dick to her about it though, it might not be your thing and you might not feel the need to focus on issues facing women but other women do. She's got just as much right to feel passionate about attending to her cause as you do to feel passionate about not attending.

You don’t need to fight for anything in your traditionally gendered home but many many other women don’t want that life anymore and still do need to fight. You’ve had it easy, well done to you…. Those who have fought and continue to fight have enabled the rights women currently have, the ones you enjoy when you’re not performing your tradwife duties.

Your friend clearly has a different experience to you, one she’s very passionate about and it would be easier and kinder to tell her you’re not a feminist and don’t support her cause and then she’ll stop asking you.

Thank you, I appreciate your words. I don’t think my friend even understands the concept or meaning of IWD

I don’t want or care to fix the dishwasher if it breaks, I don’t want to change the oil filter on my car, and there’s many other tasks I’m not interested in that my husband automatically takes care of. And yes, I’m wonderfully happy taking care of the laundry, washing the floor and cleaning the bathroom, I definitely don’t feel put upon or disrespected because we are a partnership using our own strengths within a solid relationship.

What does this have to do with being a woman???

YANBU to not go, it’s your choice.

Just the word gender is a huge red flag at women’s events. As @Skiptogetfit says, anything with gender in it has fuck all to do with women’s rights.

They welcome men who identify as women (‘trans women’) at International Women’s Day. So not Women’s day at all.
It’s a joke, time to cancel it. Leave it to the men. They know better.

Thank you. Absolutely, and I agree with you that she has every right to feel passionate about her cause, AND she’s not listening or respecting my reasons for not attending by pushing a ticket at me this morning and pressing me again to attend.
If she pushes me again I will do as you suggest and say ‘please don’t ask me again’.
I honestly don’t want this to affect our friendship so I guess I’ve not been firm enough previously.

I’ve probably not explained this very well, and it might sound a bit like I’m saying ‘bugger you Jack I’m alright’, but that’s not what I mean. I simply can’t support a cause or a friend who implies that I need to fight for something when I don’t. AIBU?

While she absolutely should respect your choice not to go, tbh it does sound a bit 'I'm all right, Jill'.

I've never really experienced problems due to my sex, and our gendered society, but I recognise that this does affect many women and I'd want to support them.

Its fine to not want to go to an event. It's not alright to be twattish about other women supporting women.

…when is International Men’s Day ??? White Men are the most oppressed group in the county.

In all seriousness, women are still oppressed, harrassed, discriminated against, beaten and murdered in this country every day. Male violence against women & girls, is endemic.

It might not effect you, but it will be effecting a woman you know .. you just might not realise it.

Some women want to come together collectively, to raise awareness, to campaign, to protest - but it’s not compulsory

You might believe your original post, you might be trying to wind people up… I know which one I think it is.

You're wonderfully happy to do laundry? I can't take you seriously after saying that

International Women’s Day. Do you really think that no fight is required for women in, say, Afghanistan? Where they can’t go in parks or anywhere without a man, or sing, or really do anything?
really self centre OP.

Couldn't agree more

Completely agree!! 👏👏👏

I don’t say this lightly but I’m embarrassed for you that you’re so contented with your limited life that you have no desire to understand the bigger picture.

I voted YABU because you seem to be saying your friend can't have this event.
Just say no thank you and find a consciousness raising event before your daughters become trad wives.

November 19th

I disagree with you about lots of what you've written about gender roles and women's rights, but I think your friend needs to learn better ways of talking to someone who disagrees with them.

I often say that it's not enough to be right, you also have to be persuasive.

Isn't feminism about choice? She chooses to do the laundry etc and be more of a "traditional" wife. Nothing to do with anyone else

Some women on here are saying you should go to support other women, but your a woman too, if you don’t want to go then other women should support you in that choice.
you could give a hefty amount of money to a women’s cause and then chuck that info at your friend to say youve done your bit, as people say money talks, it probably does more than standing in a crowd at an event you don’t want to be at wishing you weren’t there.

Not quite. It does involve women, in general, having the right to make choices. Just because somebody makes a choice does not make her a feminist.