International Women’s Day

[SeAmableSiempre]

My friend organises an International Women’s Day event every year. I attended once 5 yrs ago and spent the day cringing inside whilst women stood at a lectern telling their hard done by stories, their successes in life ‘as a woman’, their hardships, tragedies and traumas whilst onlookers cried into their tissues and patted each other on the backs.
My friend persistently asks me to attend and for the past 4 yrs I’ve declined. I don’t feel the need to attend an event to fight for my rights as a woman, I don’t need constant praise, I don’t need someone on a podium implying I need to fight for my dignity, and I don’t need a day in a room full of women focusing on feeling hard done by because of their gender. I personally feel that ‘fighting’ to be recognised for our strengths as women diminishes how great we are. We have many skills that men do not have, and men have many skills that women do not have, we are individual and unique, in a partnership, in the workplace or in the home, we all have strengths and weaknesses regardless of gender.
The bottom line is I love being a woman, and I haven’t experienced any barriers in life, at home or in the workplace. I love that my husband looks after me and sees me as a woman. I love that he appreciates my femininity.

I don’t want or care to fix the dishwasher if it breaks, I don’t want to change the oil filter on my car, and there’s many other tasks I’m not interested in that my husband automatically takes care of. And yes, I’m wonderfully happy taking care of the laundry, washing the floor and cleaning the bathroom, I definitely don’t feel put upon or disrespected because we are a partnership using our own strengths within a solid relationship.
My friend turned up this morning asking me to buy a ticket for her event, literally pushing the ticket at me, and when I said I wouldn’t be coming she got quite cross with me saying I should be fighting for my rights and gender and supporting other women.
I’ve probably not explained this very well, and it might sound a bit like I’m saying ‘bugger you Jack I’m alright’, but that’s not what I mean. I simply can’t support a cause or a friend who implies that I need to fight for something when I don’t. AIBU?

No, I didn’t say that… you see this is why women like you are disrespected, because you’ve just blatantly distorted my post, if this is how you carry on no wonder you have problems.

Were you sexually abused by a woman?

Thank you

I'm going to Let Women Speak Aberdeen for it this year, loads of women who absolutely know what one is.

Sorry if it came across as twattish about other women supporting women, you’re right, and I take your point. I’m annoyed at her pushy attitude and her not respecting my wishes not to go, I have no issue with others attending.

Op, you could purchase a ticket and not go, if your friend is concerned about raising money.

IWD is a difficult one, because women everywhere have different challenges, outlooks, cultures and issues. Of course there will be disagreements as groups hardly ever agree, especially with emotion, passionate views, personal experiences.

You've been once, didn't get anything out if it or feel more educated, empowered or have a suggested direction you could perhaps begin to champion Or feel an afinity with, see a structure that supports women and men to be better. Or perhaps you did, but don't bang on about it.

OP, these events are not just for women to moan to people, and your comments about sobbing women were really shitty. People who attend these events include politicians, policymakers, third sector leaders, amd academics who can commission vital research - it’s an opportunity to hear about things important people who make change can get involved in. I work on behalf women’s health awareness, and I’ve been to many of these events where connections are made and positive changes happen as a result. Sometimes it brings issues to the forefront that people who can support those issues aren’t already aware of.

Not just moaning wimmin and I think your attitude toward a friend who’s doing something important is really poor. I’ll have the ticket if you don’t want it.

My issue is my friends pushy attitude this morning in trying to get me to buy a ticket. What others do is their choice but I should not be pressured to attend an event that I’m not comfortable with.

I’m quite surprised you think that women no longer experience prejudice in this country. May I ask how old you are? I thought we’d won the fight when I was younger, and we were all equal. I didn’t realise I was enjoying a lot of privilege. Now I’m older I can see prejudice so much more clearly. It was a shock at first as I still had my smile, manners, confidence… but suddenly they no longer worked. Men were repeating what I’d said as though they’d had a brilliant idea, all that classic textbook stuff.

I see mediocre men succeeding while brilliant women are sidelined.
Women’s medical issues dismissed.
Man as the default human in drug trials.

As I say, I’m surprised at your conclusion.

No, sincerely, I’m not saying that at all. I said if we go into their country to fight for these women we would be tortured and killed, so they would still be in the same position. Muslim countries will not allow intervention, so how can IWD help these poor women? It can’t. We can talk until we’re blue in the face, we could walk the streets with banners, shout from every street corner, but it won’t change it because it’s not on British turf.

Well you hate your 'friend' don't you? Actually I think you should go to her event, you could give a talk about how successful and respected women would be in the workplace, and the world, if only they didn't have a chip on their shoulders. Think of the good you might do, if you can just tear yourself away from the pleasures of the laundry for a few hours.

Point taken, thank you

And there’s also nothing wrong with tackling home grown issues

And tell them all “Have you tried being more feminine?” - see how well it goes down.

Exactly this, with bells and whistles on.

Yes I’m in a solid happy marriage with a kind man. I’m appreciated, I love our home and I feel blessed, and not once do I feel I’m doing chores. It’s that simple. As for my DH, you know nothing, we work as a team. I mean seriously, is it such an issue that two people live together in harmony and love and appreciate each other.
Please, just put the knives back in the block, it’s so unnecessary.

You lost me at "wonderfully happy taking care of the laundry, washing the floor and cleaning the bathroom"......... blink twice if you need rescued 😂

It's probably outing so you may not answer but I'd love to know where the event is so I can support your friend. I love a girls girl!

No I was sexually abused by a man

No I was sexually abused by a man, and my neighbour, a woman, indicated that I was asking for it by wearing tight jeans

And that means what exactly? Just that your neighbour had some degree of internalised misogyny. It happens not infrequently, you know. . .

Out of interest, have you ever had children op? Ever had to deal with maternity leave and childcare

Just asking. I also work in a senior role and never felt any level of discrimination or difficulty as a result of being a woman - well a lot of that changed when I had kids.

I saw structural sexism in a way I had never experienced - everything from the fact I was told by my senior partners women’s brains can’t concentrate once they have had babies, to my gestational diabetes just being a thing I had to deal with as a woman, to consultants telling me I had severe in my back, feet and arms (every time I walked/moved) for 1 year following birth because I was breastfeeding and nothing to be done, to my husband getting better painkillers for his shoulder operation than me when my stomach was cut open and I could only have 2 paracetamol tablets, to my husband not being able to take more than two weeks paternity leave and his boss not liking it when he had to do pick up - meaning I had to sacrifice my career more than his when I’m as successful, to the nursery or school calling me as mother not father even though I’ve listed him as primary contact

I don’t have a chip on my shoulder - the above is just the reality- and a reality that I never ever experienced or thought would be an issue before kids

Plenty more examples too

And op - just look at representation on ftse boards, and the minuscule investment that female founders get from VC compared to equally as competent men, judges/QCs, partners in top law firms.

look at women’s health hasn’t been researched nearly as extensively as men - period pain, menopause, endometriosis, female hair loss - so many things

for Christ sake - just think about the tampon tax and that tampons and pads were deemed luxury items for vat purposes until a few years ago whereas razors were essentials - all because the European Council was full of men.

jist look at the number of women killed by their partners each year.

quite frankly - it’s wonderful your industry respects you, and you are in a loving relationship. I actually feel similar to an extent - but my god; this isn’t just about me!

And yet you think you’ve experienced no barriers and sneer at women wanting better for women like you. There’s a reason a man did this to a woman. It doesn’t matter how feminine you are or how much you love doing laundry, you are one of many women who’ve experienced sexual assault because not enough is done to protect us. It heaven forbid women talk about this. They should just STFU and make dinner

Ok.