International Women’s Day

[SeAmableSiempre]

My friend organises an International Women’s Day event every year. I attended once 5 yrs ago and spent the day cringing inside whilst women stood at a lectern telling their hard done by stories, their successes in life ‘as a woman’, their hardships, tragedies and traumas whilst onlookers cried into their tissues and patted each other on the backs.
My friend persistently asks me to attend and for the past 4 yrs I’ve declined. I don’t feel the need to attend an event to fight for my rights as a woman, I don’t need constant praise, I don’t need someone on a podium implying I need to fight for my dignity, and I don’t need a day in a room full of women focusing on feeling hard done by because of their gender. I personally feel that ‘fighting’ to be recognised for our strengths as women diminishes how great we are. We have many skills that men do not have, and men have many skills that women do not have, we are individual and unique, in a partnership, in the workplace or in the home, we all have strengths and weaknesses regardless of gender.
The bottom line is I love being a woman, and I haven’t experienced any barriers in life, at home or in the workplace. I love that my husband looks after me and sees me as a woman. I love that he appreciates my femininity.

I don’t want or care to fix the dishwasher if it breaks, I don’t want to change the oil filter on my car, and there’s many other tasks I’m not interested in that my husband automatically takes care of. And yes, I’m wonderfully happy taking care of the laundry, washing the floor and cleaning the bathroom, I definitely don’t feel put upon or disrespected because we are a partnership using our own strengths within a solid relationship.
My friend turned up this morning asking me to buy a ticket for her event, literally pushing the ticket at me, and when I said I wouldn’t be coming she got quite cross with me saying I should be fighting for my rights and gender and supporting other women.
I’ve probably not explained this very well, and it might sound a bit like I’m saying ‘bugger you Jack I’m alright’, but that’s not what I mean. I simply can’t support a cause or a friend who implies that I need to fight for something when I don’t. AIBU?

This has given me pause for thought, thanks

Looks like somebody thinks it's okay to viciously insult women who attend IWD events, but can't handle criticism when she does so. 😁

If someone disagrees with her choice then that would make them not a feminist either then.. yes?

November 19th

Hth

No, feminism is not about choice, it is about improving women's opportunities and challenging the societal structures and other issues that limit our lives.

We have many skills that men do not have, and men have many skills that women do not have, we are individual and unique, in a partnership, in the workplace or in the home, we all have strengths and weaknesses regardless of gender.

This doesn't even make sense....

It's irrelevant whether people agree or disagree, because it's not about the individual and her particular choices. It's about the rights and societal status of women in general.

My nearest IWD event is organised by a group that "includes all women including transwomen" and have refused my WRN group's application to have a stall.

They include men who say they are women but exclude women who know that the men aren't actually women.

Ok thanks

OP cringes at her friend’s event where women celebrated being women and all they’ve achieved, but I’m cringing at the OP coming across as just a bit dim for not seeming to realise she’s lucky to be content in her own little world doing gendered tasks but other women and girls have bigger things to think about.

Obviously, you shouldn't attend the event if you don't want to and your friend should respect that. But I disagree with most of your positions. Women still need to fight for equal treatment. I wish it were not the case, but the world we live in continues to be sexist. And I'm not at all sure what you mean by this: We have many skills that men do not have, and men have many skills that women do not have. Which skills might those be?

I'm also a bit bemused by your paragraph about the household tasks you do vs. your husband's dishwasher repair and oil changes. Are you suggesting that you do the cleaning and laundry because you're a woman? That women have some sort of innate ability in these areas? And your husband repairs the dishwasher because he's a man? If that is indeed what you are suggesting, it's sheer nonsense. And it shows precisely why feminism has a long way to go.

The thing is op women have it shit in many industries and many countries. Outcomes for girls are worse than boys and the patriarchy is alive and kicking.
You might have a cosy, chocolate boxy existence, with your washing and oil changing DH 🙄but many women do not have choices at all. Recognising that is what IWD is about.

Well that defeats the point of the fucking object doesn't it. On that basis I'd have nothing to do with it.

I'm a woman. I've been affected by unequal pay, rape and a shitty 'justice system', domestic abuse, poor care during my pregnancy and son's birth, misogyny, sexism (shall I carry on?), so yes you cringe away whilst others celebrate the hurdles they've overcome. I work in the VAWG sector and we have an online event for international women's day where women share their stories - it is often moving, and I have cried in the past. I remember a woman from Pakistan taking about the immense struggle she had to become the top in her game (she's a neurosurgeon) - truly amazing.

I wish I lived in your dream world OP.

In Iran women are being tortured and killed for not wanting to wear certain clothes. In Afghanistan women can't talk to other people and they're shutting up windows so women can't be seen.

In many countries women have their genitals mutilated and are sold into marriage as children. In four states in America there's no minimum age for marriage and women have died as they couldn't access abortion.

In the UK in 2024, a minimum of 80 women have been murdered by men. Drowned, strangled, burnt alive, there seems no limit to what men will do to those they hate.

A conservative one in three women will be sexually assaulted yet we only have a 2% rape conviction rate. The country runs on the back of women's free labour; caring for children, the disabled, the elderly and their husbands.

Yet here you are, proud of dusting and doing the washing up, braying about how there's no need for feminism and showing contempt for women who have suffered because of their sex.

Fortunately for you, other women will carry you. They'll fight for your rights and for all women's right to be treated with dignity and respect. You put your feet up.

That’s gender for you. When I was wielding drill, hammer & screwdrivers in my flat the other day I must have been temporarily male. Except I was wearing a pink T-shirt, so nonbinary.

Quite. International Biological Women’s Day I’d happily support.

Exactly. I can't bear the Orwellian bending of scientific laws. Very 2+2=5.
I'm sure there's an International Trans Day they can have that without high jacking IWD.

There's International Day of Trans Visibility.

Because they're so quiet and self-effacing that we wouldn't know they were there without a special day to alert us.

With respect I am not responsible for your embarrassment, that is your feeling to own… and I have not said or indicated that my life is limited and nor is it. My post is in relation to a specific IWD event which a friend organises to her idea of IWD that I am being pressured to attend. Your comment is completely out of context.

This.

Most ‘women’s’ organisations think men can be women. They can GTF.

And while I’m being sweary, the LGBTQ+ that all think men can be women can GTF too.

At no point did I indicate or say that my friend should not have this event. My issue is her forthrightness in pressuring me to buy a ticket when I already explained that I won’t be attending. I see that as disrespectful, and I have the right to say ‘no thank you’, which I have, and that decision should be respected without me being harassed to change my mind.

I completely agree with you OP and it isn't up to her to force this upon you, regardless of either of both of your reasons for how you feel about IWD.

tbh i think it's you that doesn't understand the concept of IWD

On the other hand your friend needs to take your "no" for an answer

ETA forgot this bit

I don’t need a day in a room full of women focusing on feeling hard done by because of their gender

they are opressed because of their sex. Lucky you that it doesn't affect you.