To leave DH after/before Disneyworld holiday?

[Greenstorybook]

I want to leave DH. I’ve wanted to do this for a long time but practicalities and not having the b*lls to make the change have kept me.

We have a family holiday to Disney, Florida booked for May. This will be the second time taking DC there and I’m desperate to be able to take them for a second time; they would also love to go back and talk about wanting to go again frequently. DC currently don’t know this holiday is booked or that there was any possibility of going for a second time.

We had mutually agreed to this holiday when things were better between DH and I than they are now. My plan was to have one last family holiday, take DC to somewhere that i would unlikely be able to afford to do on my own, and then allow our relationship to naturally reach the end when we got back.

However, I’m so unhappy right now and I’m struggling to even be happy in front of my children. I feel that realistically my children would most benefit from my happiness than a holiday to Disney. Therefore I feel that I should consider leaving now and cancelling the holiday?

I do worry that actually the holiday would end up being awful as DH and I aren’t always on the best terms but could hide it from DC to some extent. But will it end with sour memories for myself, when really it should be a holiday that leaves positive memories?

on the flip side, I’ve lived with this sadness and wanting to leave for so long now that I think “what’s an extra few months for the sake of being able to take my children to Disney?” - somewhere where they really want to go to again and I probably wouldn’t be able to afford to do as a single parent. They’re only young once and I want them to have the experience again.

What do I do?
Do i put my own happiness first and risk never being able to take them to Disney again?
Or, do I suck it up as I’ve lived feeling this miserable for so long, carry on feeling this way for a short while longer so that DC can have one last amazing experience?

Can you cancel but see if the holiday company will let you transfer the deposit to another holiday that you can afford yourself? Even if it's just 4 nights short break in Europe etc.

I'm pretty sure the kids want a happy mum over any trip.

Nothing material should matter in this situation.

Is it a situation where you can break up prior and put your thoughts and feelings about each other aside to coparent on the holiday? I just don’t think it’s fair at all to string someone along knowing full well what’s going to happen after, give them the false pretense of happiness on a family holiday all for their life to crash down after. Also for you, to have to fake it that time whilst being miserable?

it’s either break up and still go whilst coparenting or cancel altogether and count your loss whilst the additional money you was going to spend can be used on a different holiday or to save for Disney in a few years. I’d rather have gone on a caravan holiday with two happy parents than go to Disney with miserable parents. And believe me, kids catch on.

Jeez is Disney >10K now. I’m completely out of touch with reality.

Pretty much. Disney has absolutely ramped up their prices since covid, as well as dropping lots of the good bits like free fast pass. Parking alone is now 30 -55 dollars a day.

You divorce after the holiday and they may forever associate Mickey Mouse with splitting up their parents. Not the kind of trigger you want to leave them with.

They are going to be sad, and no amount of Disney Magic will make that better. Split now if things are unbearable.

Cancel and take them to Butlins on your own instead. It's not Disney but at least you'll be happier and they will be entertained.

Oh no, there's no need to torture the poor kids 😂

I agree , your poor children will always remember the holiday as the time just before their parents split up , haven't you considered that , OP .

I absolutely love Disney, and would go through an awful lot for the sake of a week in Orlando with my kids. So I get it. But in your circumstance I am afraid it doesn’t make sense.

Disney is great mainly because of the feelings it creates - of being together with your happy kids and smiling jointly as a family. It’s not the rides - it’s the vibe. And recreating that vibe is very tempting, especially when your family is threatened/in trouble. But Disney won’t be able to “cover up” an impending separation. Face the separation, and come back to the right wonderful “Disney-like” experience for you and the kids without DH later. As other posters say, that doesn’t have to actually be Disney and you can think about how to make your own magical experiences for your new family setup once a little dust has settled.

I hope this doesn't sound harsh. There are no more nice family memories of disney holidays to make together as a couple. Even if you go, style it out and they don't notice how miserable you are, as soon as you announce the separation that holiday is only ever going to be remembered as 'the trip before mum left dad when she pretended she was happy'.

Just my experience. I was in exactly the same position as you, although not a trip to Disney, a two week trip abroad.

I decided to go and get through it. It was one of the worst experiences of my life and I felt like spent two weeks, if not more, lying to DC.

I would 100% not do it again. Especially to somewhere with so many happy families around, you're going to feel awful seeing everyone else happy and feeling so miserable plus using all your energy to keep up the front. Don't put yourself or DC through it.

Cancel OP, I really cannot see any legitimate reason for you not to.

My kids LOVE Butlins.

My plan was to have one last family holiday, take DC to somewhere that i would unlikely be able to afford to do on my own, and then allow our relationship to naturally reach the end when we got back.

That sounds pretty mercenary to be honest.

Also, what do you mean by "naturally reach the end"? I don't think announcing that you want a divorce when you've just got back from a family holiday in the so called "happiest place on earth" will necessarily feel "natural", at least not to your DH or the kids. Or are you hoping that if you're both unhappy on the holiday he'll be the one to say it first and you'll never have to reveal your "plan"?

I think it is massively deceptive to decide to separate from someone and not tell them, especially for half a year!

You need to tell your husband that you are going to be separating and then discuss with him all the practicalities that flow from that.

Also, divorces are expensive, so save the £10k for a clean divorce with proper legal representation.

How can you continue to act happily married until May and throughout the holiday and suddenly separate afterwards. As a PP said, your children will develop permanent Disney phobia.

Mine too, and for them it's trips to WDW, DLP or Butlins. Sadly the middle one is definitely more into Butlins than Disney.

Cancel and get yourself some counselling OP

i think you should see someone straight away for your depression, once you get that sorted you will see things clearer.

The simplest & best advice on this thread.

Someone once said to me, “My kids can’t be happy unless I’m happy.”

I think you should put your kids’ feelings above your own. Every day.
That’s your job.

Whether or not you go to Disneyland is not the point — are your kids suffering in this marriage? Are your kids taking the brunt of your unhappiness? Is your husband making them unhappy? Be truthful with yourself.
Get your kids and yourself out if they are and stop worrying about the little things.
In the scheme of things, Disneyland is a little thing compared to the other stuff in your life.
The kids won’t suffer because they miss going to Florida.
They might suffer because you’re suffering, though.
Let your conscience and your heart be your guide, @Greenstorybook❤️

Cancel.

I can categorically say that if I were as miserable in a marriage as you are, that the last place on earth I would go is Disney.

Would it help if I told you that when DC were young we went on incredible holidays several times a year. Since DH fucked off, in circumstances that make a divorce look like a party (not hyperbole) we have had far more amazing holidays that have been exponentially happier, fun and memorable.

In my experience Dc are happy when they know their mother is happy. I'm happy when I see my kids in wetsuits on a Cornish beach trying to catch a wave to board in on, or grilling at the end of a fabulous day on a Spanish beach or cycling in France. Holidays that cost a fraction, but where you make fun rather than Disney fun.

Ps I love Disney but had a lot more fun going at 20 without my unhappy parents at 12.

Agreed.

OP's posts read to me like she is depressed. When someone is depressed they often make major changes - getting married, getting divorced, leaving their job, etc. - thinking that will make them happy. Sometimes it works. In most cases any positive effect is only temporary and the person can come to regret their decision. If OP is depressed, advising her to leave her marriage now may be unhelpful and could be harmful. If she is depressed she needs to get that treated before she makes any major life decisions.

Disagree. I think the OP indicates that her unhappiness is because she's in a marriage she doesn't want to be in, but hasn't had the balls to leave until now. There is no evidence of depression that I can see, from her two posts.