To leave DH after/before Disneyworld holiday?

[Greenstorybook]

I want to leave DH. I’ve wanted to do this for a long time but practicalities and not having the b*lls to make the change have kept me.

We have a family holiday to Disney, Florida booked for May. This will be the second time taking DC there and I’m desperate to be able to take them for a second time; they would also love to go back and talk about wanting to go again frequently. DC currently don’t know this holiday is booked or that there was any possibility of going for a second time.

We had mutually agreed to this holiday when things were better between DH and I than they are now. My plan was to have one last family holiday, take DC to somewhere that i would unlikely be able to afford to do on my own, and then allow our relationship to naturally reach the end when we got back.

However, I’m so unhappy right now and I’m struggling to even be happy in front of my children. I feel that realistically my children would most benefit from my happiness than a holiday to Disney. Therefore I feel that I should consider leaving now and cancelling the holiday?

I do worry that actually the holiday would end up being awful as DH and I aren’t always on the best terms but could hide it from DC to some extent. But will it end with sour memories for myself, when really it should be a holiday that leaves positive memories?

on the flip side, I’ve lived with this sadness and wanting to leave for so long now that I think “what’s an extra few months for the sake of being able to take my children to Disney?” - somewhere where they really want to go to again and I probably wouldn’t be able to afford to do as a single parent. They’re only young once and I want them to have the experience again.

What do I do?
Do i put my own happiness first and risk never being able to take them to Disney again?
Or, do I suck it up as I’ve lived feeling this miserable for so long, carry on feeling this way for a short while longer so that DC can have one last amazing experience?

Cancel. The lead up will be hellish, the holiday will be hellish, the aftermath will be hellish. Disney ≠ Happiness.

Terrible idea. He would literally become a Disney Dad.

That money will be needed when you separate. Id cancel the holiday now.

Cancel cancel cancel of course in these circumstances...

Cancel.

If it was two nights in Disney Paris next month I'd suck it up.

But 5 figure sum is a huge amount (IMO) for a long trip far away where you'll have to grin and bear it for ages, and it sounds like you don't have money to burn. Better off make your own memories elsewhere.

If he is paying for it why not? Besides it’s not a choice between miserable Disney deprived kids or miserable mum. Both can be happy.

Cancel holiday

Cancel marriage

Happy OP , happy children.

I would end the marriage now. If you can remain amicable, it might be the case where you could agree to still go, making very clear to the DC that it is as friends only, but you both would have to be in a position where your only concern was that the DC had fun and there was no point scoring or bickering between you. I could only imagine that this would be the case if you both felt more like brother and sister than husband and wife. And even then, it might send mixed messages to the DC.

I think if you try and stick it out, you’ll be so stressed and unhappy that it will start showing physically. Nobody will enjoy that holiday and the DC will forever associate it with the break up. Far better to save and do a few days in EuroDisney as a free and happy mum.

Cancel asap. The children don’t know, and it will save you (both) a lot of money, as well as not having to live a lie for the sake of the kids for another 5 months. If you cancel now, it will leave you in a clearer space to plan next moves. Don’t hesitate - carpe diem!

Oh god, you don’t want to wait until May! Cancel now, and put your energies into moving on from your H. Another trip to Disney is not necessary compared to your mental health and future happiness op. Bite the bullet now.

And OP is suggesting that she gets the adoration for taking them to Disneyworld, at the cost of a soon to be (and unbeknownst to him) ex partner.

Reading your OP, it sounds like you may be depressed. If that is the case, leaving your husband is unlikely to provide a long term fix. Depression can destroy a relationship, but effective treatment for depression can heal a relationship. If there is any possibility that you are depressed, I would strongly recommend seeing your GP before making any final decisions about your marriage.

Cancel, save the money for harder times, figure out what you want to do about your relationship. If you know you want to leave, you need to be focusing on how to coparent amicably, that will make far more difference to your kids than a holiday.

I think it's more important to look at the financial impact - if you pay to go will you have to prolong leaving when you could use that money for solicitors or rent etc? If that's the case and they don't know I probably wouldn't go ahead but if it has no impact on leaving in terms of finances and you know it's their only chance then it may be worth it.

Cancel

Many years ago I was in a relationship where we needed a second car. I had just enough cash to buy a brand new one outright, but it would have left us with absolutely nothing spare for a few months.

I paid a three figure deposit, with the five figure balance due on delivery. You can see where this is going....

He left me on the evening of the day I came home from the dealership having shelled out £11k, and had the nerve to say he'd already decided to leave several months previously. He then fucked off to his parents leaving me penniless in the shared home which I couldn't run on one income, and even gloated to mutual acquaintances that I no longer had the cash to buy him out of the house so I'd be forced to sell.

I still rage about it today and it has left me very untrusting. It wouldn't be a huge leap of faith for your DH to view your Disney stunt with the same apoplexy.

What is it that’s wrong? If it’s abuse, cancel and leave.

Given this is such a major life decision which will undoubtedly cause heartbreak for all concerned I think the children deserve to have one last holiday as a family. In respect of the holiday I would put their needs before my own especially if they are not aware the marriage is in turmoil.

Life is too short to spend half a year miserable then have more stress the cost of the holiday then going there forcing yourself to put a smile on and coming back to start expensive process of separating. It wouldn't be a good memory. Could you take them to DLP instead? It is more affordable as a single parent I've taken my child alone and booked again for this year

You are also sending out a signal that your DH is good enough for his money, but nothing else. You have to live with it, but I'm afraid I'd struggle to like someone like this.

Seems ridiculous to put up with another 6 months of misery and spend a 5 figure sum on a holiday which nobody may end up enjoying anyway when you are looking to split. If you couldn’t afford the holiday after the split you can’t really afford it before the split, cancel the holiday and keep the money for the logistical things that will be needed once you’re separated.

If you split, can’t the kids still have their holiday with one of you taking them? Or can you split and be amicable enough that you still both go? You always want the best option for the children, so I’d be finding a way to make the holiday happen.

Cancel the holiday. There will be other holidays. Your happiness is more important than material things I think.

Sorry you're going through this, OP.
Coincidentally, my parents took me and siblings to Disney just before they split up. I can quite clearly remember picking up on the tension between them on that holiday.

Cancel.
Parents think they hide their marriage problems from kids, but they always know something is wrong. I certainly did as young as 6 years old, and my parents were very careful not to argue in front of us. It will tarnish a holiday that they've really wanted to go on again. Rebook for the future and take them yourself if possible.