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AIBU?

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Original poster

To leave DH after/before Disneyworld holiday?

252 replies

Greenstorybook · 02/01/2025 12:23

I want to leave DH. I’ve wanted to do this for a long time but practicalities and not having the b*lls to make the change have kept me.

We have a family holiday to Disney, Florida booked for May. This will be the second time taking DC there and I’m desperate to be able to take them for a second time; they would also love to go back and talk about wanting to go again frequently. DC currently don’t know this holiday is booked or that there was any possibility of going for a second time.

We had mutually agreed to this holiday when things were better between DH and I than they are now. My plan was to have one last family holiday, take DC to somewhere that i would unlikely be able to afford to do on my own, and then allow our relationship to naturally reach the end when we got back.

However, I’m so unhappy right now and I’m struggling to even be happy in front of my children. I feel that realistically my children would most benefit from my happiness than a holiday to Disney. Therefore I feel that I should consider leaving now and cancelling the holiday?

I do worry that actually the holiday would end up being awful as DH and I aren’t always on the best terms but could hide it from DC to some extent. But will it end with sour memories for myself, when really it should be a holiday that leaves positive memories?

on the flip side, I’ve lived with this sadness and wanting to leave for so long now that I think “what’s an extra few months for the sake of being able to take my children to Disney?” - somewhere where they really want to go to again and I probably wouldn’t be able to afford to do as a single parent. They’re only young once and I want them to have the experience again.

What do I do?
Do i put my own happiness first and risk never being able to take them to Disney again?
Or, do I suck it up as I’ve lived feeling this miserable for so long, carry on feeling this way for a short while longer so that DC can have one last amazing experience?

OP posts:
Frith2013 · 02/01/2025 15:55

Cancel.

Get sorted then take your children elsewhere when they are older.

Most children never go to Disneyworld and they're all happy!

DarkDarkNight · 02/01/2025 15:55

I did Disney/Universal on my own with my child and we had a fab time. No way could I have done it within an unhappy relationship that had been hanging by a thread for months. It’s stressful, I would cancel unless you can afford it on your own.

Frith2013 · 02/01/2025 15:56

Also, spending 5 figures on any holiday is bonkers and you will both need that money as single parents.

Thoughtsonallsorts · 02/01/2025 15:57

LouisvilleSlugger · 02/01/2025 15:47

If you split, can’t the kids still have their holiday with one of you taking them? Or can you split and be amicable enough that you still both go? You always want the best option for the children, so I’d be finding a way to make the holiday happen.

I agree with this. If & when the split happens it's unfair on the children to be left with the feeling mum & dad will never again do things together with us & on friendly terms. My vote is go on the holiday & concentrate on moving on while still expecting to come together at various times in their lives.

You haven't shared reasons for your unhappiness OP so unless it's something serious like abuse,cheating etc then my opinion remains. The decision of course is yours.

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 02/01/2025 16:00

I would either cancel the holiday or agree that just one of you take them.

I wouldn’t go to Disneyland together in this situation. Your children have great memories of the place from last time and it would be a shame to sour those.

TheNameIsDickDarlington · 02/01/2025 16:09

I actually know a couple of families who have stayed together for the sake of a big Disney holiday and then split up shortly after.

Honestly it just sounds a bit rubbish for all concerned. Unless the children are very young or incredibly easily distracted everyone just feels the tension and walks on eggshells.

I also think Disney is a particularly stressful holiday so tensions will be close to the surface and even without being on the brink of divorce parents can end up frazzled and a little snappy.

maudelovesharold · 02/01/2025 16:16

can you split and be amicable enough that you still both go? You always want the best option for the children, so I’d be finding a way to make the holiday happen.

Thats very much the ideal, of course, and in ‘The Split’ is exactly what would happen, after a frank and emotional discussion, agreeing to a civilised divorce, and undertaking to put all differences to one side for the sake of the greater good. In real life, not so much…

herearesomenuts · 02/01/2025 16:17

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

Beekeepingmum · 02/01/2025 16:21

Agree with nearly everyone else don't drag it out for the sake of a holiday. It would be a bigger bolt out of the blue coming after what is meant to be a big trip.

Hoolihan · 02/01/2025 16:22

I did this to an extent - put off ending my marriage for the sake of a holiday (nowhere near as expensive as Disney but we had booked with friends and I didn't want to let them down). We ended up splitting up ON THE HOLIDAY. It was horrendous for everyone.

I would definitely cancel it in your shoes.

snotathing · 02/01/2025 16:23

Cancel. They don't even know it was booked. You're kidding yourself if you think they wouldn't pick up on how you and your husband are feeling. It's awful being in the middle of that atmosphere. Everyone would wish they weren't there.

BettyBardMacDonald · 02/01/2025 16:24

Mooselooseinmyhoose · 02/01/2025 12:26

If it would avoid paying out thousands of pounds, cancel it.

There are other holidays and other experiences. The cost of that trip may be enough to set you up in your new place or start your new life. It could be thousands on a miserable experience.

I understand your rationale but if you feel unable to continue pretending now it may get worse before May.

Good luck!

This. Cancel it. Why would you be "desperate" to return them there? Surely there are more important considerations like housing them, saving for uni, etc.

SeaShellsSanctuary180 · 02/01/2025 16:26

It does sound very entitled to be considering the holiday given the circumstances. Your children's happiness will be very short lived given the plans following the holiday

TeaMistress · 02/01/2025 16:27

Honestly I would cancel now. You are clearly very unhappy and your children will have picked up on the atmosphere between you and your husband and taking them to Florida now, with that going on between you will just unsettle and upset them. If you're really unhappy then having to live a lie for the next 5 months will be excruciating. Is it time for a quiet conversation between you and your husband and see if you can discuss an amicable split, allowing you both to move forward with your lives. Would it be a relief for you both to admit that it isn't working and you're both unhappy.

HardenYourHeart · 02/01/2025 16:29

Runningoutofthyme · 02/01/2025 12:26

Is the Holiday booked & paid for, and would you loose any money for cancelling?
may is a long time away, could you take someone else in place of your dp?

This is falling into the sunk-cost fallacy. If the holiday is already booked and paid for, then the money is gone. You might be able to get some of it back, but you don't have that money now, whether you actually go or not.

Furthermore, if you do go, then you'll spend even more money once there on snacks, drinks, food, etc. You're also losing happiness traveling with someone you don't want to spend time with anymore. I can't think of anything worse.

I'd say, cut your losses and let your kids see you happy. It will mean the world to them, especially since they don't even know about the holiday.

MounjaroOnMyMind · 02/01/2025 16:29

Cancel the holiday and never tell the children you'd planned to go there. There's absolutely no point in spending over ten thousand pounds on a holiday where you and your husband will not be on good terms.

Yesiknowdear · 02/01/2025 16:31

I think that you'd be better off changing the parameters of your trip.
Go alone, stay off site, do Disney and the Orlando area with the kids. Let it be your first solo trip with them. It would be much less expensive too

AcrossthePond55 · 02/01/2025 16:36

Greenstorybook · 02/01/2025 12:31

To add, a 3 figure deposit is paid. The total amount of the holiday will be a 5 figure sum. So all that would be lost at this moment is the 3 figure amount if cancelled now.

@Greenstorybook

I'd cancel. If it's a 5 figure holiday and you lose 3 figures, that's still money you haven't spend that you may need when you split. The DC don't know about the holiday and they've already been to Disney. They'll be missing nothing. And chances are even if you do go, you'd be walking around with a black cloud over your head, believing it was the 'last time'. Or, as you say, some sort of nastiness will ruin the experience.

If you booked with Disney direct (WDTC) you'd still be due a full refund (excluding airfare & possibly tickets). Well, at least that's the US policy, maybe it's different with international tourists. But I'd certainly check carefully to see about any refunds.

Your happiness and peace of mind is worth more than a holiday to Disney. And trust me, as a Disney fanatic that's saying a lot!

Ficklemind · 02/01/2025 16:38

Cancel and save the money.

ChristmasRoses · 02/01/2025 16:41

Is it already paid for? If so just go without the H?

Dotto · 02/01/2025 16:48

You can't ever quite recreate the magic of your first visit. In the heat and undercurrent of unhappiness, this all doesn't bode well for an amazing holiday worth five figures

mumda · 02/01/2025 16:49

Greenstorybook · 02/01/2025 12:31

To add, a 3 figure deposit is paid. The total amount of the holiday will be a 5 figure sum. So all that would be lost at this moment is the 3 figure amount if cancelled now.

Do you want to check that out with your travel agent / contract?

Thoughtsonallsorts · 02/01/2025 16:54

It's obvious the majority of posters are saying cancel the holiday & get on with the divorce. Saying this on the back of such little information is precipitous to say the least. How do we know the OP isn't depressed & in need of help. There is also the possibility he is a kind & considerate husband & father but the marriage has just become boring which is no reason for a divorce when this can be worked on. Nobody has mentioned counselling either. General unhappiness can be due to many reasons often not the fault of the spouse. That's not to say there are very genuine reasons for breaking up a family such as abuse. I Hope the OP thinks this through very carefully before taking advice from people here, many who possibly had serious reasons to end their own marriage.

Dotto · 02/01/2025 17:01

Thoughtsonallsorts · 02/01/2025 16:54

It's obvious the majority of posters are saying cancel the holiday & get on with the divorce. Saying this on the back of such little information is precipitous to say the least. How do we know the OP isn't depressed & in need of help. There is also the possibility he is a kind & considerate husband & father but the marriage has just become boring which is no reason for a divorce when this can be worked on. Nobody has mentioned counselling either. General unhappiness can be due to many reasons often not the fault of the spouse. That's not to say there are very genuine reasons for breaking up a family such as abuse. I Hope the OP thinks this through very carefully before taking advice from people here, many who possibly had serious reasons to end their own marriage.

Edited

You don't need any rationale for divorce, and people are meeting OP where she's currently at.

Scrambledchickens · 02/01/2025 17:01

Cancel, none of my children have ever been to Disney. I separated last year after wanting to for years and they and I are much much happier. Go for it.