Mum is blocking my 2yo’s invites to play dates

[SerialLurker997]

Hey guys. Can’t believe I’m 30 years of age and posting this as I thought left the playground behind a long time ago. Long story short, three other mums and I have been for a couple of breakfasts after the school run. I knew two of the mums pretty well but another mum A not so much.

I have been for play dates at mum B’s house and met mum C socially as our husbands seem to get on well. Mum A didn’t seem interested in knowing me, but I didn’t think much of this. We’re busy, right?

Anyway, mum B has not spoken to me for a month out of the blue, quite suddenly after saying she thought I was such a good friend for offering to help her manage after surgery. Mum C tells me that I’ve also been left out of playdates organised by A and B, which has now escalated to a soft play thing attended by most of their little school.

C also tells me that B said A isn’t fond of me, so that’s why I wasn’t invited, and she apparently pulled a face when my name came up.

I’M pretty shocked, as I honestly haven’t even had enough contact with her beyond the initial politeness to offend her. But her not liking me for some arbitrary reason is one thing. My son missing these dates because he’s being deliberately blocked by her is something else.

i’m livid. I can’t understand how a mum can be so horrible that she’s leaving out a two year old little boy who would have loved to see his friends over the holidays. I don’t understand how mum B thinks this is fine and has now dropped too. I don’t know the other mums well enough for play dates, but mum C had a bit of an altercation with them over it and now feels sidelined too.

i don’t know how to handle it. My first instinct is to bowl over there as soon as I see them next week, but am wondering if this is unreasonable. I think It’s outrageous. It’s bitchy. And what’s the reason for it, when we are going to see each other most days for the next two years at least???

Why do people do this??? Haven’t we all
got enough to contend with? What do you guys think?

Realistically OP, if your 2 year old is already in a private nursery/all through school, you'd better get used to the fact that you're going to stumble across more than a handful of parents over the next 16 years who are VERY judgy about who is the 'right' kind of person. Who earns 'enough' money. Which families are from 'suitable' backgrounds. Who is worth connecting more with because they have 'useful' contacts. Whether the family wears the 'right' clothes. Or has appropriate decor at home. Or holidays in the in places.

You have clearly not passed muster with Mum A & the sooner you stop giving a shiny shit about that & get on with living your life & instilling some good morality to DS about being a decent human being, come what may, the happier you & all of your little family will be!

You're not going to be able to avoid them when they pop up, but you can be in control of whether you let them in your head...

As another poster said, Motherland was very keenly observed and painfully funny for a reason!

(and for what it's worth, I'd be prepared to wager I could put 3 pins in a map of the UK - if you're living here? - and be within 1.5 miles of where you live with one of them ;) Thicken up that skin & prepare to laugh off the Mum A's of this world for the next 16 years...

Just create another what's app group with people you get on with.

I would ignore it for now and play a waiting game. Very likely Mum's A & B will fall out soon as Mum A is clearly not a very nice person. Doubt your 2 year old will even realise anything is amiss.

Unfortunately some of the people one meets through baby groups and school can prove problematic or unfriendly. My advice would be to stay aloof from both A and B and let them get on with it. Maybe they are made for each other. Your son will make other friends and while it's horrible at the time, you will not care about it in five years' time. I would also say that people who are clearly happy to bitch that way are not worth associating with.

First of all your son is 2, he doesn't care who he plays with. Second of all, you need to grow another skin I'm afraid, this shit goes on all the time. I used to be you and get all upset about it until one day I just thought 'fuck it all to hell'. I organised stuff with people I wanted to see and the kids enjoyed each others company - you don't have to worry about 'friends' until they are older, as toddlers they will make do with other similar aged company of any description. Decide on some other people you can make an effort with and make them your people - I'm still friends with some of my reception Mum's now and we are the most unlikely bunch and our kids aren't even friends now (mixed genders and all at different secondary schools) but we still are. I left the mean girls to it and I was better for it and ironically, the minute I stopped 'needing' to be included, they almost wanted me to be. That's how they work. Take control yourself.

I have seen this happen time and time again.

Usually the clique causes fall outs, or others feel left out, you’ll find there are plenty of lovely mums not interested in the popular gang and are made up of lovely people who just want a normal play date and a coffee.

You don’t need to be overly involved.

You just need some nice company to have tea with occasionally.

Maybe mum C now know how it feels and needs to be on your side?

Find new friends!
These three sound like a nightmare.
Your little one is only two so he will be able to move on and make new friends easily. Invite another couple of his friends round for playdates maybe.
It is horrible though especially when it affects your child. I couldn't be doing with all of that bitchiness tbh.
I hope all goes well and you can both make new friends. These ones aren't worth it.

Definitely don’t say anything , it’s hurtful and a bit mean but honestly get used to it. I honestly would always keep school mums at arms length - it’s nice to try and get along and go for the odd social thing but they aren’t your core friends and at 2 years old their not your DC friends either. By staying out of it it proves you aren’t fussed and you are the bigger person . It would be stressful being friends with people like that anyway .
My youngest didn’t get invited to a party once when every single other boy in the class and his friendship group was, and it made me so anxious and hurt . I honestly couldn’t believe the mum would do that and I was gutted on my son’s behalf . But then I released if she is like that then we don’t want her friendships anyway . She does like to control things / only include certain people of WhatsApp groups etc and it’s stressful to keep up with ! Cut them out but always be polite . They’ll all fall out probably one day anyway . Mum friends are an extension of high school friends - there are lovely ones, bitchy mean girls and ones that get left out . The best way to navigate is stay cool and don’t get drawn in to the drama.