Mum is blocking my 2yo’s invites to play dates

[SerialLurker997]

Hey guys. Can’t believe I’m 30 years of age and posting this as I thought left the playground behind a long time ago. Long story short, three other mums and I have been for a couple of breakfasts after the school run. I knew two of the mums pretty well but another mum A not so much.

I have been for play dates at mum B’s house and met mum C socially as our husbands seem to get on well. Mum A didn’t seem interested in knowing me, but I didn’t think much of this. We’re busy, right?

Anyway, mum B has not spoken to me for a month out of the blue, quite suddenly after saying she thought I was such a good friend for offering to help her manage after surgery. Mum C tells me that I’ve also been left out of playdates organised by A and B, which has now escalated to a soft play thing attended by most of their little school.

C also tells me that B said A isn’t fond of me, so that’s why I wasn’t invited, and she apparently pulled a face when my name came up.

I’M pretty shocked, as I honestly haven’t even had enough contact with her beyond the initial politeness to offend her. But her not liking me for some arbitrary reason is one thing. My son missing these dates because he’s being deliberately blocked by her is something else.

i’m livid. I can’t understand how a mum can be so horrible that she’s leaving out a two year old little boy who would have loved to see his friends over the holidays. I don’t understand how mum B thinks this is fine and has now dropped too. I don’t know the other mums well enough for play dates, but mum C had a bit of an altercation with them over it and now feels sidelined too.

i don’t know how to handle it. My first instinct is to bowl over there as soon as I see them next week, but am wondering if this is unreasonable. I think It’s outrageous. It’s bitchy. And what’s the reason for it, when we are going to see each other most days for the next two years at least???

Why do people do this??? Haven’t we all
got enough to contend with? What do you guys think?

To be honest OP - I was going to say it’s a good thing C’s in solidarity with you - but I’m glad I didn’t say that because this poster might have a very good point

Mum A is jealous and afraid she is going to lose Mum B to you, so has done/said something to turn B away from you.

I know it's hard but try and make some other friends.

OP I get you are upset but as others have said it’s par for the course and it will happen repeatedly through your kids life unfortunately. Worst is when you become friends with a mum and then your kid doesn’t like that kid anymore.

Your kid is two so won’t really understand or know about the people he is “playing with”.

Take a step back. You are upset but I really don’t think’ your kid will even be aware or notice. It doesn’t really matter and nothing you will do can change minds or get you back in. I would let it go and spend time with kid c.

MN does love finding drama in any situation 😆

Not being invited to a playdate isn't the same as your kid being 'blocked' 🙄 Although I'm sure he was devastated when he found out all his mates were hanging out at soft play with him, right?
Seriously, if there are 'whole nursery' playdates going on, do you really think A or B are telling all of the other parents to keep it a secret from you? If no one thought to invite you, why is it A or Bs fault. Why didn't C invite you?
For whatever reason A decided after a couple of breakfasts after nursery drop off that she doesn't want to be friends with you. That's ok. You and C can go to soft play and invite anyone you wish to. No need for all the added angst

I went to a Play School when I was about OPs dc age . So no doubt other Parents were known as school parents etc . YANBU by the way , it's one of the reason I would never make friends with school mums because if you have fallen out , you have to see them everyday.

It's not about your son. It's about you.
For whatever reason, they don't want you as part of their group. "Calling them out" or any other nonsense will just make you look like an idiot.

C is not your friend, she's a drama lover and a shit stirrer
Let B go off with A. Obviously B wasn't much of a friend to begin with and has now shown her true colours. Forget about A, you hardly knew her anyway so no great loss. Your kids are only 2, you have so much ahead and new friends to meet. It won't always be like this with them excluding you - there will be nice mums who you will meet and I bet would love to arrange meet ups with you and your little one. These bitchy cliques always break up at one point or another so please don't worry. Stay calm, controlled but distant. If you have to speak to them just be courteous and don't engage in any chat. Let them go as they are no good for you

Let be honest, it’s you that’s being excluded and upset about it not your toddler. At 27months old he doesn’t know he’s excluded, like PP have said it’s not like he’s older and aware of what’s going on.

Of course you’re entitled to feel upset you’ve been dropped, but mums A and B have met you socially a few times and for whatever reason have decided not to pursue a friendship with you and that’s fine, no one owes you friendship. However mum C claims to be friends with them but has sent you screenshots of their conversations so I’d be wary of her too.

At 2 I loved playing with my little one myself at soft play, she didn’t need play dates, neither does your son he’s getting plenty peer interaction at nursery, the play dates are you not him. If you want play dates try make connections with other mums, or pursue a friendship with mum C but I’d be cautious given she’s shown she’s not to be trusted.

Confronting them would not go well, you’d look rather unhinged complaining at drop off that they’re ’excluding’ a toddler, you’ll be the talk of the school and others would steer clear of you, it would be social suicide, so be breezy, keep clear of them and build new connections if that’s what you want.

Do not confront them about leaving you and your child out. Act as if you aren't bothered and don't let them get through to you.

It is horrible and nasty behaviour and they all need to grow up. Hope you are ok and don't worry!

@SerialLurker997 I would have to ask B if there was a problem as she hasn’t been replying (without getting into a row of course) as she shouldn’t get away with the manipulation. But mostly I think I’d rise above it and try to be more inclusive than she has been.

Why do you think she's jealous? She might just not enjoy spending time with OP

That doesn't mean there's anything wrong with either of them but I know I get on well with some mum friends and don't have much to talk about with others

Your son won't even remember then when he's older. They are not important people in your life . Silly little mean girls . I know it's feels shit just now and it is shit but move on dont interact and smile when you see them
As if nothing has happened

So many of these responses are so ridiculous.

'Mean' 'nasty' 'bitches'

Based on what?

Not wanting to pursue a friendship with op?!

She hasn't been 'excluded' or 'blocked' from anything. Simply not invited. Surely adults are allowed to choose who they spend time with?

I tolerated a mum A all through primary school for dc1. In fact I was a good friend at one point.

Biggest mistake.

Mum A caused nothing but drama from nursery onwards. The drama impacted the children as they got older.

You are genuinely well rid of her. Don’t make the same mistake I did.

My mum A is blocked on every social media platform and from my phone now. I advise you to do the same and find people like yourself who aren’t looking for drama.

editing to add - there is a mum A in dc2’s year and I was initially jealous at not being in her group. Madness. I now purposefully exclude myself and don’t engage when she invites my child to her home. I don’t need the drama.

HRTFT...

I'd imagine B will come crawling back when A has moved on.

My boys are autistic
Despite throwing whole class parties every year ,that were well attended
Mine never once got an invite back.
As for being included,or invited to anything,ha not a chance.
In fact , despite me trying to be friendly in the playground,you would think I was invisible.
My crime ..to have children with disabilities

Yes exactly. We are free to choose who we spend time with.

Some people don't get along.

I'm not everyone's cup of tea and they aren't mine.

It doesn't mean there is something wrong with me, or with them. We're just not meant to be friends.

If it is fact the entire school being invited on a separate chat Mum C can add you to that. No need for A or B to approve you.

Mum C should not have shown you private texts. It's unnecessary and cruel.

She could have just made plans with you and moved on.

These threads always bring out so much misogyny. Calling grown women silly little girls or bitches.

Women are allowed to have their own friends. You can call them a clique, but it's interesting how a group of men who are friends are never referred to the same way.

It all seems a bit petty, to me anyway.

You offered B a token gesture of help during surgery they never took you up on. If that's the extent of your "investment" in the relationship then just write it off.

Stick with C but be on your guard for any backstabbing.

Enjoy your little one and don't worry about anyone else.

The best way to eliminate playground politics is not to play along with it. 🙌

This has been my motto since I myself was in school 😅

C isn't instigating drama she is sticking up for you! Stick with her and bin off the others.

If it's just for your child to socialise with A,B and C's children- just invite the children to a playdate - either all together or in pairs- and not the parent.

They’re only 2!

when kids are in nursery / school they play with who they want regardless of whether their parents are friends or not

Thats great advice ❤️