Mum is blocking my 2yo’s invites to play dates

[SerialLurker997]

Hey guys. Can’t believe I’m 30 years of age and posting this as I thought left the playground behind a long time ago. Long story short, three other mums and I have been for a couple of breakfasts after the school run. I knew two of the mums pretty well but another mum A not so much.

I have been for play dates at mum B’s house and met mum C socially as our husbands seem to get on well. Mum A didn’t seem interested in knowing me, but I didn’t think much of this. We’re busy, right?

Anyway, mum B has not spoken to me for a month out of the blue, quite suddenly after saying she thought I was such a good friend for offering to help her manage after surgery. Mum C tells me that I’ve also been left out of playdates organised by A and B, which has now escalated to a soft play thing attended by most of their little school.

C also tells me that B said A isn’t fond of me, so that’s why I wasn’t invited, and she apparently pulled a face when my name came up.

I’M pretty shocked, as I honestly haven’t even had enough contact with her beyond the initial politeness to offend her. But her not liking me for some arbitrary reason is one thing. My son missing these dates because he’s being deliberately blocked by her is something else.

i’m livid. I can’t understand how a mum can be so horrible that she’s leaving out a two year old little boy who would have loved to see his friends over the holidays. I don’t understand how mum B thinks this is fine and has now dropped too. I don’t know the other mums well enough for play dates, but mum C had a bit of an altercation with them over it and now feels sidelined too.

i don’t know how to handle it. My first instinct is to bowl over there as soon as I see them next week, but am wondering if this is unreasonable. I think It’s outrageous. It’s bitchy. And what’s the reason for it, when we are going to see each other most days for the next two years at least???

Why do people do this??? Haven’t we all
got enough to contend with? What do you guys think?

Believe me OP, 2 year olds don’t really care about play dates. As they get older, play dates become less about who their mums friends are and more about who they have bonded with at school. It will be fine, leave them to get on with their politics.

It happens. Don't embarrass yourself by getting involved. It's not your toddler she blocking but you. The children are too young for playdates. It sort itself in time. Meanwhile Just get yourself out there and make other friends with children similar age. Playgrounds, playgroups etc...

When you arrange playdates with kids that age, it is nice when the mums have things in common, so you have something to talk about. The children won’t matter who comes and who doesn’t, but the mums do.

I'd steer well clear of the lot of them.

I don’t agree with this at all - what’s bitchy is inviting a little boy’s entire class, plus the one above and below, and excluding only him. It’s OK not to like me - but that? Awful

Spot on- they're not blocking your toddler from playdates, they're just not inviting you to meet-ups. I totally understand why this has upset you, but I'm afraid any person is totally within their rights to socialise without inviting you.

You’re right, in short 😂

Find some friends who are not still functioning with school head bitch mentality?

Have you been talking about private school? That could explain it.

Anyway if your 2 year old would love to see his friends over the holidays why haven't you organised something yourself? If these 2 bitchy mums don't want to come I'm sure you would find some others who would. Being the organiser always makes you more popular and confident IME.

It is hurtful, but I would just move on and find new mum friends.

Your 2 year old will not miss his 'friends' over the holidays, he isn't old enough to have firm, solid friendships and will be happy to play alongside any child.

Oh of course, I don’t want to be friends wi to these people per se and to not invite me to play dates is ok. I just thought that an entire school meet up is a bit far?

Don't feel excluded. If you would like to meet up and do something with these Mum's, you initiate it, you invite them. Leave out Mum A if you want. Just because one Mum feels one way doesn't mean you are excluded from a relationship with the others. Apart from anything else, why would you give anyone that power over you?

The children are two! It’s not any kind of ‘school meet up’!

Bizarre people are going in on mum C when she seems like the ideal friend to me, she had your back when you weren’t there and told you the truth about what had gone on? Keep her!
the other two can fuck off, your toddler will make other friends and these women will cause years of unnecessary drama so you’ve dodged a bullet there

Yes that's extremely mean. It's not personal to you though. It shows how awful these people are. Things will no doubt change and someone else will be the target soon enough. Rise above and organise your own stuff.

Because I literally don’t know them and don’t have their numbers tbh. My mum often does the school run for me because I have work, and the parking is so limited that when I do do it I always go as fast as I can as there’s a queue waiting to park. But you’re absolutely right I should make more of an effort to organise. It’s just a bit awkward now as they have a big group chat where they post all the play dates that I’m not in.

with these mums, all they talk about is private school and which schools their children are going to…

Stop making ‘friends’ with school mothers. It is far better for your child for you to have ‘working relationships’ with other parents and your own set of friends outside of the nursery/school.

Your child can choose their own friends, develop their own interests independently of you/your vested interests. Inevitably the groups become really tricky with different issues, and you will be saving yourself lots of stress and grief by being one step removed.

Be warm and inclusive to everyone. Throw the social net far and wide for your child and ignore the petty and immature behaviour. Friend C is not your friend and I would stop socialising with all three.

Thanks hun. So sensible and really what I should be doing!

First it was "most" of their "little" school; then it was the entire class, plus the one above and below, except for your son; now it's the entire school? You seem to be trying to make it sound worse and worse because not everyone is agreeing with you.

Also, sorry to be pedantic, but surely you mean nursery?

You say you went to B’s home for play dates - did she ever get invited to yours? If not I’d text her breezily and say ‘Hi mum B, feels like we haven’t caught up properly for ages, how are you? Would you and child B like to come to ours for coffee/lunch (delete as appropriate’

Try and get on your own with B and then try and ask her if you’ve done anything to offend A as you got a vibe there’s an issue.

If she still ghosts you or declines then text B and ask if all is ok.

When all the children in the school are invited, why isn’t it a school meet up? 😂

I really think you are over-dramatising the effect on your son. At that age children tend not to be that bothered about play dates, and your son really won't have been moping at home wishing he could go and see his friends. A and B weren't thinking up ways to make his life miserable, they were simply making their own arrangements for their own social lives and presumably assumed you were doing the same.

I really wouldn’t bother getting entangled in this, B made her position clear already

When the kids are old enough for actual school, none of this will matter anyway. So I'd just stay out of it all.

Actually yes in the last message I sent her that she ghosted it was an invite where I was asking her for her available dates 😂 we were even talking about a present exchange so it’s so weird she’s ghosting now.