DP only wants to eat luxury food but doesn’t bring a luxury wage?

[Stargreystar]

I earn well, 6 figures and my DP is a tradie earning circa 30k a year.

He seems to think just because I earn well he should only eat luxury food from m&s. We are not married yet but he discussed getting a ‘pre-op‘ which I can only assume means a prenup. However he has no assets or money so it’s merely to give him what I’ve earned.

That does sound like he is taking your income and the effort earned to gain it for granted. It's troubling behaviour. Some advice:

1. Say yes to the prenup, but offer one in which YOU benefit from any split (e.g. he agrees not to go after any future earnings, he agrees any property you bought before marriage is YOURS, and that in the event of a split he is expected to buy you out of the family home with HIS own money). We all know pre-nups don't actually hold much weight, but I think you may get your answer from his response, which might just confirm to you what he's interested in. Point out it's only fair that he doesn't ride your back financially in the event of a split, you're concerned etc. See if he's so keen to sign it then?

2. When you go back to work, come home one evening and randomly mention some shocking news you've "just found out" that suggests you may be being made redundant. A caring DP will be genuinely bothered for you. If he seems more bothered about his lunch than your feelings of understandable worry, that won't be a good sign. Tell him that until you know more in a month or so, you'd appreciate him reigning it in and not putting so much on ApplePay etc. Something tells me he won't stop spending anyway, which will tell you all you need to know e.g. this person will screw you into the ground financially.

After these two "tests", sit and take a long hard look at if this is right.

Remove the card now, or cancel the account etc whatever you have to do so it's no longer valid on his phone.
You don't need to discuss it with him, merely inform him tomorrow. Then tell him he needs to move out asap (at the weekend- let him sofa surf at friends home) as you're not prepared to stay with someone who contributes nothing financially and treats you with contempt. Don't take no for an answer!
You can, and will, do better for yourself.

OP, I beg, beg you NOT to marry this loser. You could be the me of 50 years ago. From the info you have given us, such a partnership just doesn't work. I wasted 25 years of my life because I was a damaged child whose weaknesses he exploited. I ended up carrying an entire family, working a 60-hour week while he sat on his arse. You have so much going for you - don't allow a succubus to steal your energy and intelligence and most of all, your youth. Please, just free yourself...you'll find love - and possibly even better sex - again. I did - at the age of 50!

Not buying this...surely no one is this dim???

I like idea 2. Might actually consider doing that next week when I’m back at work.

Christ on a bloody bike! (And the OP probably paid for the bike. 😀)

This bloke has absolutely no self-respect. I’m a man: I couldn’t imagine using my female partner’s money like that. It’s unthinkable.

How can any woman find this kind of behaviour attractive? It goes against the evolutionary programming that’s in all of us.

Is this some kind of wind-up? If so, it’s a good one. 🤣

And he will think "Wow, think of the redundancy pay off" and if you question his spending, that is exactly what he will come back with. "Why are you being so tight? You will get XXXX when you get made redundant!"

So why are you contemplating marriage with this charmer?

Massive red flags here. It's not reasonable to run up debts and then expect you to pay just because he can't manage his money well. Sounds like he doesn't have good money management skills and you're going to worse off for it in the long run as I'm predicting this relationship won't last.

Don't get married for your sake.

Well you’ll be interested to know that my partner actually disagrees with male roles. He thinks that women demanded equal rights so they should provide and protect.

oh I just bet he fucking does.....

😮🤔

Why does he have access to your cards?

Oh for goodness sake, don't play games, just dump him. You can't even have a proper conversation about anything without him getting defensive and nasty, what's the point?

It all reads to me like a woman who is waking up to the fact that he doesn't have anything else to offer but hadn't previously realised due to her low self esteem. I thought her comments were black humour but, to give all the contributors the benefit of the doubt, texting is not the best for conveying tone.

Yeah, "equal", not roles reversed. This guy really is intellectually challenged.

Please don't marry a thicko.

So he’s not only a mysoginist but a thick one too?
Charming.

clitoral sucker. say thank you later 😘

How good are they? I only just found out about them the other day...should I treat myself?!

I also support female equality.

But there’s little equality in your set up! There’s spectacular inequality.

If this story is true, please wake up. It just can’t end well.

Stargreystar · Today 02:13
Well you’ll be interested to know that my partner actually disagrees with male roles. He thinks that women demanded equal rights so they should provide and protect.

Mine used to say "Your mother used to sponge off your father so I should be able to sponge off you."

You’re right and this conversation reminded me of a time he said ‘behind every successful man is a woman, where the F is my success’ 😂😂😂

they are VERY good.
one of my favourite reviews on lovehoney was someone saying they kept turning it up because it wasn't doing anything, then they moved it a bit, hit the right spot, and threw it across the room while yelling "FUCK OFF!"
They are very intense.
in all honesty, when I first got one, I had to keep stopping, because I could hardly breathe. it took me a LONG time to relax enough with it to get over the absolutely overwhelming sensation of it.
they are very quick and efficient. I like to have some internal pressure as well, but bloody hell, they are a game changer.
I'm someone that tends to get close, then get oversensitised. these work so efficiently I don't have time to back off.

You sound completely in thrall to him. How have you not removed him from apple pay yet?? Playing silly buggers with new cards (he'll still have access it will automatically update with a new card most likely) and games with pretending to be made redundant, really?

What on earth happens if your health takes s turn after having kids and you can no longer earn that money! Bad set up, he sounds terrible. Poor future kids...