To sleep with a 25 year old

[Lolalovestheflowers]

I am 43. After a very unhappy marriage that ended two years ago I feel I have finally found myself.
I have lost a lot of weight over the 2 years, got my friends and social life back and a good job I'm in a good place.

A couple of months ago I was out with some friends for a girly night, meal cocktails and onto a local pub.
We were having a great night and I was enjoying having fun.
A young man approached me that evening and started chatting me up, I had a giggle with him amd I was flattered but I said look your way too young for me as sweet as you are you surely must have many young women after you and no I'm out with the girls.
We both laughed , said nice to meet you and me and my friends moved onto the next pub.
Since then I've bumped into him in the local village I have recently moved to at the local shop. You would have thought it would have been awkward, it wasn't we smiled said our hellos , were polite, and went our own way.

He then sent a friend request on fb , I declined it. He then messaged me on fb asking to go for dinner. I ignored him initially.
One evening after a glass of wine I replied and said again you seem lovely , however your too young for me , take care.

On the 21st Dec I was out in local pub celebrating my best friends birthday , he walked in with a couple of friends near the end of the evening , he came over and said hello, we were all quite drunk by then and I must admit I was flattered he was flirting with me.
He said have you recently moved to the village i said yes and we then both realised we are actually neighbours.... 6 doors apart.

End of the night came and we both went separate ways and said goodbyes
My friends said there was a massive chemistry between the two of us and although he is young he seemed a nice, respectful guy

Since that evening we gave msg back and forth a little. Things heated up last night and he wanted me to meet him out.
He's saying I'm not too young for you , please just give me a chance.
I declined as I was staying in.
I really do fancy the pants off him, I know it will be nothing but a physical thing if I ever decide to meet him
However I can't help but feel it is morally wrong?

Opinions please
Tell me to sort myself and move on if you like, I'm all ears 😂

I remould of said go for it until realised he lives a few doors away

NO

I'd have to agree with this. I've worked in an industry around a lot of young men. I've watched them have competetitions over who can sleep with the fattest, ugliest and oldest women.
They share the messages these poor women send. They don't even seem to view them as human. I'm not saying this is always the case but I'd be very wary

He was described as a 'lad', I'm sure he will be very discreet and will absolutely not brag about shagging a MILF to his mates he goes out with. Typical introvert I'm sure. Just my opinion. And my experience is valid as I'm OPs age and I ran small village pub and witnessed this exact scenario. Plenty of people egging OP on, adding 'come back and report'

Is that 'would have'?

It is so, so funny watching fellow "sisters" on here twist themselves in knots to tell the OP "don't do it" while also simultaneously explaining to any other women on here how "I could bag a 20 something for a shag any time of the week if I wanted to".

I am sorry to disabuse you, but so many people on here are misinformed when it comes to young men.

No, they don't want to shag literally anything. Even if you are well off, or you think you have a fabulous dress sense and 'well cut clothing', you may not be the OP or people like her. Some people 'have it', some people really don't. It's ok.

If she doesn't care being called a skank and being gossiped about, possibly ostracised and so on then there's absolutely no issue

Hard for you to comprehend that many of us in early 40ties are slim, attractive and dress nice? You don't sound very sisterly, sister? Attention from 20 somethings is really common if you're attractive, but most women don't make it their own personality and post on MN because young lad showed interest

Exactly. The "report back" posts are cringe worthy enough but imagine if it were the other way round and they were asking a 45 year old man to report back.

@PierceMorgansChin Again, why doesn't he have to worry about being called a skank and being gossiped about to OPs mates? Maybe the people who would go as far as ostracising OP for being single and having sex with another single person in private should think about their double standards because it sounds like a them problem.

I’d say go for it if wasn’t on your doorstep, but it complicates things too much, and could be potentially very embarrassing, as you live so close, when it inevitably gets out and reaches ears you might not want it to reach.

Because its a tale as old as time. Woman is a skank, man is a stud. Its not ok and hopefully will change with time. OP doesn't seem to care about gossip tho

@PierceMorgansChin It doesn't change on its own with time. It changes because people challenge and reject it. Nobody is forcing OP to go ahead with it if she doesn't want to but you're the one calling people "not like other girls" because they don't buy into this unacceptable double standard. Why be frightened of gossip from people who hold such unacceptable beliefs? Why live your life according to what they deem acceptable if it's so wrong?

I doubt few people care tuppence about single people having casual sex.

The double standard here is the age gap. If this were a forum designed largely for men I doubt the posters egging the OP on and asking for reports back would be quite so enthusiastic if male posters were egging on a 45 year old man to do the same.

Report back? 🤮

Nah I can comprehend that...

...just like I can comprehend how visible from space your little digs are to the OP, @PierceMorgansChin .

"Attention from 20 somethings is really common if you're attractive"
Ha, ok! Don't try and devalue something for the OP just to make her feel small.

but most women don't make it their own personality and post on MN because young lad showed interest

Wow, some of you really want to make her feel tiny for daring to share, don't you?

Completely agree with this!

But it’s not the other way round for goodness sake. Men and women really are different, with the older male often being the predator. The 2 scenarios do not compare.

Unlike you, you are being a true sister trying to encourage her to complete this noble achievement. You've implied whomever advising against it must be a bridge troll with a fupa, so you are accusing us to trying to put fellow sister down while doing exactly the same. Not very sisterly if you ask me

Nope. There have been a few posters advising the OP against but for genuine reasons. They’re saying it could complicate things that the guy lives a few doors down etc. I don’t necessarily agree with what they’re saying, but it’s clear there is no jealous or nefarious motive and they’re simply advising the OP to look out for herself.

Then we have the posters using words like ‘grim’ and ‘skank’ and the over use of vomit emojis (which is pretty pathetic if you ask me) it’s clear those motivations are completely different. You can see why we would jump to an accusation of jealousy…

OK, there is a risk of adverse comments in any village or small town, l get that. But there is such a thing as discretion. You don’t have to have sex in view of the street with the curtains open.

should he lack discretion and start boasting in the pub etc, the OP could also turn the tables and do the same about her potential friend and say he’s no good etc.

Finally, this is Mumsnet for goodness sake, words such as skanky, slut, slag etc should not be used by women about other women; there’s no excuse.

Do you think younger male pursuing 40 year old woman is some rare occurance, something enviable? There's lots of young lads at my gym, even more at my pub, they are young and horny. I don't entertain them because I don't want to be pumped and dumped, gossiped about, also I have not much in common with 25 year old. You're saying people are jealous implies women should aspire to be desired by men who could be their sons. If genders were reversed would you mind people calling it gross?

The human brain is only fully mature around 25 years of age. Anything before that is slightly iffy.

They do compare. It's ridiculous to say they don't.

This is spot on - it's the use of words like "grim" and "skank" which just holds back all of us. Don't slut shame the OP, she's not done anything wrong , or even acted on anything. She just wants to explore an idea, and there's nothing even wrong with the premise!

But here's the thing @PierceMorgansChin -

No one on this thread , until you, were trying to say that the younger-male-pursues-older-woman thing is "enviable".

The OP was just saying she was attracted to someone who is younger. Why does that trigger folk like yourself to go and say "yeah but that's nothing, that experience is two a penny in my world..."

It's like a mate going out and buying a 20 year old Porsche, and being so happy he's finally got his dream car, only for a co-worker to say "I could have bought three of those with my savings , last week".......erm, no one asked?

Also "pumped and dumped"... who is to say that would be the case every time? Aaron Johnson and Sam Taylor-Wood, and I could name a myriad of others. Why devalue the OP's potential experience before it begins, unless you just want to have a dig?

I don't think "women should aspire to be desired by men who could be their sons".

But I also don't think a woman desiring another adult (and that's what he is - an ADULT) and him desiring her back, is worthy of verbal devaluation by people on here.

OP is attractive, and she's found a young chap that she fancies the pants off, who thinks the same. You coming on here and telling us all that you could have had numerous such occasions of this , just makes you sound very keen to devalue her experience as 'commonplace' , and there's only one word for that motivation..