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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help settle something - did we offer something weird?

129 replies

Lwrenn · 01/01/2025 14:20

DP and I and our kids have come to BiL and SiLs for lunch with our brood of kids. Anyway earlier SiL needed a few bits so mr Lwrenn and I popped up the shop for them, leaving our kids with BiL for convenience. They said take our time and go for a coffee in the Starbucks because we never get time alone. Anyway the shop next door to the supermarket is closing down so we went in for a wee mooch, it’s sells everything from furniture to plants. A couple had bought a big piece of furniture and DP helped the man carry it out of the store to his car. Anyway this man’s wife kept scowling at us, but her husband was very nice. I am quite friendly but I didn’t want to ask her anything too personal in case Christmas was a tough time so I just complemented her new sideboard and she ignored me. I didn’t continue the chat. Just did that awkward British smile and shut up. Anyway their new sideboard was not in a box or wrapped etc it was a sold as seen display piece. Had they have fought to fit it in their car it would have got wrecked even if it would have fit. We have a much bigger boot so DP said to the couple that we’d stick it in our car, quickly grab a few bits from the shop and then we’d follow them back to deliver it, not a problem. Anyway the guy was lovely about it, asked if we wanted some petrol money and DP said not at all and was about to pick up the sideboard and walk it to our car when the wife refused his offer. Said absolutely not, didn’t thank Dp or say anything just she was going to get someone else. She was rude as hell to my DP and I felt quite bad for her husband. Anyway we went the shop and got our bits and they were still stood by their car with the sideboard, I presume waiting for someone else with a bigger car. Anyway, We’ve just got back to sil and BiL (with might I add lots of bargains from the supermarket for us) and SiL thinks I should have loudly said the lady was rude or something. I wished her husband a happy new year and not her directly which I felt was enough. (Savage as I get these days) but BiL said it was weird of DP to even suggest it. Thinks the wife was scared we’d pinch the sideboard.
So was the offer we made weird or the wife’s refusal weird?

weird wife - yanbu
weird us - yabu

OP posts:
Munkypuppy · 01/01/2025 14:22

It was a lovely gesture but i can see why the wife didnt want strangers potentially driving off with her sideboard

Candleabra · 01/01/2025 14:23

Kind, but a bit weird. Sorry, I’d think you were grifters on some elaborate sting operation!

TwentyTwentyFive · 01/01/2025 14:24

It was a nice gesture but I can absolutely see why the wife was wary. You're complete strangers and she has no idea if you're intentions are good or not and it's a reasonable enough thought that you don't just hand over stuff to strangers.

Original poster
Lwrenn · 01/01/2025 14:24

@Munkypuppy it was a cracking sideboard in her defence, a nice sage colour

OP posts:
MauveVelcro · 01/01/2025 14:26

Nice gesture but I'd have also declined some random driving off with my new furniture.

No reason for her to be so rude though.

Notmyregularusrname · 01/01/2025 14:26

Both a bit weird TBH. A kind gesture, but an unusual one. And she was rude.

InkHeart2024 · 01/01/2025 14:27

It was kind but definitely too much to offer a stranger.

Hoppinggreen · 01/01/2025 14:28

You were being nice but you have no idea what they have going on, there might have been good reasons why the lady didn't want your help.
No need to be rude to you though, although it could be said you were a bit pushy (with good intentions I know)

Soontobe60 · 01/01/2025 14:30

So, you and DH see someone in a shop struggling with a piece of furniture. DH helps carry it out (why not one of the shop assistants?) and then says he’ll put it in your car to drop it off. I’d have thought you were really weird if I’d been the woman tbh!

givemeasnowmananyday · 01/01/2025 14:32

Well firstly it seems that the woman was annoyed to begin with.
She wasn't receptive to a kind word or a greeting.
So she had a chip on her shoulder right from the start.
Your DPs offer to put a large piece of furniture into the boot of your own vehicle taking the time the trouble and the energy to do that is really unusual.
Not to mention the potential of damage to your own vehicle.
Most people would never make an offer like that to strangers.
I csn understand the wife being suspicious of your very o t t offer of drive the piece of furniture to their home.
I can also understand how pleased the man would be to have such help!
I could understand if the wife became offhand and frosty with suspicion, but you say she was like that from the start.
You have a very special and very generous minded DP!

bridgetreilly · 01/01/2025 14:32

Kind to offer, not unreasonable to refuse.

Thepeopleversuswork · 01/01/2025 14:32

I think she sounds unhinged to be honest and I think you probably inadvertently walked into the middle of a huge row between them. I can't think of any other logical explanation.

PPs have said they understand why she wouldn't want people driving off with her furniture but she was being shitty even before that came up.

She was either having a really bad day or she is just one of these suspicious types who "hates people" and wants everyone to mind their own. I find it depressing that people are so suspicious of other people helping them.

alwsysri · 01/01/2025 14:35

Gosh OP you’ve left out so many details

  • How long was the drive to the shops
  • Did you get a Starbucks
  • What outfits was everyone wearing
  • What time of day this was
JC03745 · 01/01/2025 14:35

She sounds rude from the start, but I can see it from her side.

I also think its odd your DH offered to deliver it! I'd be worried about it damaging your car, potentially damaging the side board and also- how far away did they live??? They might have lived miles away!

Original poster
Lwrenn · 01/01/2025 14:36

Soontobe60 · 01/01/2025 14:30

So, you and DH see someone in a shop struggling with a piece of furniture. DH helps carry it out (why not one of the shop assistants?) and then says he’ll put it in your car to drop it off. I’d have thought you were really weird if I’d been the woman tbh!

See, when you put it like this, it does sound much more weird of us.

The wife was carrying it with the husband at first but DP saw her struggling so offered a hand. That bit isn’t weird though surely?
Thats just being helpful?

OP posts:
SmileEachDay · 01/01/2025 14:36

Maybe she really didn’t want the sideboard. Perhaps her husband buys one every time they go out and she has seven already.

Each with a matching big chair.

She’s sick of all the dusting, and the only having a metre square of free floor.

Original poster
Lwrenn · 01/01/2025 14:37

alwsysri · 01/01/2025 14:35

Gosh OP you’ve left out so many details

  • How long was the drive to the shops
  • Did you get a Starbucks
  • What outfits was everyone wearing
  • What time of day this was

I didn’t get a Starbucks, no. We decided to mooch the Homebase instead of grab a drink but I find Starbucks over priced.

I try to be as thorough as a I can 😂

OP posts:
ohyesido · 01/01/2025 14:39

It was a bit too helpful, helping lift is one thing but offering to deliver it for nothing is going a bit too far out of your way. Some people feel uncomfortable allowing others to do too much for them.

I have someone at my work who always offers to fetch this carry that and tries to give people her things in a bid to be liked. It's uncomfortable

JackieGoodman · 01/01/2025 14:39

I think @SmileEachDay has the answer Grin
She did not want the sideboard

Sasskitty · 01/01/2025 14:41

Savage! She saw through you straight away 😂😂

Thepeopleversuswork · 01/01/2025 14:45

ohyesido · 01/01/2025 14:39

It was a bit too helpful, helping lift is one thing but offering to deliver it for nothing is going a bit too far out of your way. Some people feel uncomfortable allowing others to do too much for them.

I have someone at my work who always offers to fetch this carry that and tries to give people her things in a bid to be liked. It's uncomfortable

I think this is a very British mindset. I was married for ten years to someone from a Latin country where people spent about a quarter of their lives running around doing favours for randoms: its completely natural and not questioned.

My ex's mum used to do her shopping twice a week in the municipal market and it would take her about four or five hours because she invariably got roped into an errand for someone else: delivering some meat to someone's elderly mum whose angina was giving her grief or picking up someone's prescription. It was never seen as suspicious.

British people are inherently suspicious of other people doing them favours and always either assume there's an ulterior motive OR they just don't like the idea of people stepping outside their family lanes and getting involved in other people's business.

It's one of the things I dislike most about British culture. (I'm British through and through btw).

alwsysri · 01/01/2025 14:48

Thepeopleversuswork · 01/01/2025 14:45

I think this is a very British mindset. I was married for ten years to someone from a Latin country where people spent about a quarter of their lives running around doing favours for randoms: its completely natural and not questioned.

My ex's mum used to do her shopping twice a week in the municipal market and it would take her about four or five hours because she invariably got roped into an errand for someone else: delivering some meat to someone's elderly mum whose angina was giving her grief or picking up someone's prescription. It was never seen as suspicious.

British people are inherently suspicious of other people doing them favours and always either assume there's an ulterior motive OR they just don't like the idea of people stepping outside their family lanes and getting involved in other people's business.

It's one of the things I dislike most about British culture. (I'm British through and through btw).

Show quote history

Where’s the eye roll reaction when you need one.

Butchyrestingface · 01/01/2025 14:49

alwsysri · 01/01/2025 14:35

Gosh OP you’ve left out so many details

  • How long was the drive to the shops
  • Did you get a Starbucks
  • What outfits was everyone wearing
  • What time of day this was

Don'r forget the value of their respective houses.

Original poster
Lwrenn · 01/01/2025 14:51

JackieGoodman · 01/01/2025 14:39

I think @SmileEachDay has the answer Grin
She did not want the sideboard

@SmileEachDay has settled it. He was a sideboard enthusiast and the poor lass can’t move for sideboards. 😂

OP posts:
ohyesido · 01/01/2025 14:52

There's a big difference between being kind and helping others abs inconveniencing yourself or giving too much of yourself Ito the point where the recipient feels uncomfortable though.

It's easy to see why someone would question the motives of someone who would offer to deliver a piece of furniture for a complete stranger they met on the street, at their own expense. Same as i question the motives of someone trying to give me a bottle of perfume that retails at £71 because I complimented them on it one time