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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Help settle something - did we offer something weird?

129 replies

Lwrenn · 01/01/2025 14:20

DP and I and our kids have come to BiL and SiLs for lunch with our brood of kids. Anyway earlier SiL needed a few bits so mr Lwrenn and I popped up the shop for them, leaving our kids with BiL for convenience. They said take our time and go for a coffee in the Starbucks because we never get time alone. Anyway the shop next door to the supermarket is closing down so we went in for a wee mooch, it’s sells everything from furniture to plants. A couple had bought a big piece of furniture and DP helped the man carry it out of the store to his car. Anyway this man’s wife kept scowling at us, but her husband was very nice. I am quite friendly but I didn’t want to ask her anything too personal in case Christmas was a tough time so I just complemented her new sideboard and she ignored me. I didn’t continue the chat. Just did that awkward British smile and shut up. Anyway their new sideboard was not in a box or wrapped etc it was a sold as seen display piece. Had they have fought to fit it in their car it would have got wrecked even if it would have fit. We have a much bigger boot so DP said to the couple that we’d stick it in our car, quickly grab a few bits from the shop and then we’d follow them back to deliver it, not a problem. Anyway the guy was lovely about it, asked if we wanted some petrol money and DP said not at all and was about to pick up the sideboard and walk it to our car when the wife refused his offer. Said absolutely not, didn’t thank Dp or say anything just she was going to get someone else. She was rude as hell to my DP and I felt quite bad for her husband. Anyway we went the shop and got our bits and they were still stood by their car with the sideboard, I presume waiting for someone else with a bigger car. Anyway, We’ve just got back to sil and BiL (with might I add lots of bargains from the supermarket for us) and SiL thinks I should have loudly said the lady was rude or something. I wished her husband a happy new year and not her directly which I felt was enough. (Savage as I get these days) but BiL said it was weird of DP to even suggest it. Thinks the wife was scared we’d pinch the sideboard.
So was the offer we made weird or the wife’s refusal weird?

weird wife - yanbu
weird us - yabu

OP posts:
poemsandwine · 01/01/2025 17:55

Soontobe60 · 01/01/2025 14:30

So, you and DH see someone in a shop struggling with a piece of furniture. DH helps carry it out (why not one of the shop assistants?) and then says he’ll put it in your car to drop it off. I’d have thought you were really weird if I’d been the woman tbh!

Yes! Wild.

PortiaWithNoBreaks · 01/01/2025 17:58

Tahlbias · 01/01/2025 17:00

I think it depends where you are from tbh. Us Welsh wouldn't think that anything was untoward in offering or accepting help!

Where I’m from it wouldn’t be strange either. North Scotland. And when you got to the destination you’d be invited in for tea and cake.

Topseyt123 · 01/01/2025 18:06

I think it was a very kind and generous offer but I'm afraid I would have been wary too.

They had presumably just paid a fair whack of money for the sideboard so then letting two strangers put it into their own vehicle and drive off with it would be quite a leap of faith. I'm not trying to be insulting there, so I hope you don't take offence, but it is, and was very likely going a bit too far for her.

There was no need for the rudeness though. It is perfectly possible to decline an offer firmly but politely.

Hoppinggreen · 01/01/2025 18:13

Gazelda · 01/01/2025 17:38

Many, many years ago, some acquaintances offered to help me transport something unwieldy to my home. It was so kind of them that it would have been terribly rude to decline. So I accepted.

However, I knew that the favour would involve them coming into my house. I travelled with them but knew that I'd had some post that morning which included pornographic mags that I hadn't ordered. I'd opened the post the left it on the dining table in bafflement. I'd gone out to work and not been home since.

So the two acquaintances were about to come into my home and see porn mags on a table as bold as brass. There was nothing I could do about it.

Given the benefit of hindsight, I'd have declined the favour to spare my blushes at having to give a ridiculous and implausible explanation for the porn.

Perhaps sideboard lady was in a similar predicament.

"Bafflement" hey?
I believe you, loads wouldn't

alwsysri · 01/01/2025 18:31

Thepeopleversuswork · 01/01/2025 14:54

@alwsysri

Where’s the eye roll reaction when you need one.

Go on then: if you can be bothered to post something snarky at least explain why? Money where mouth is etc.

Because I’m bored of reading about the oppression of being British on here. Your theory is a pile of shite as the man was happy to be helped and the woman was not.

No one cares about your mum running around a market for hours.

friendconcern · 01/01/2025 19:10

Thepeopleversuswork · 01/01/2025 14:45

I think this is a very British mindset. I was married for ten years to someone from a Latin country where people spent about a quarter of their lives running around doing favours for randoms: its completely natural and not questioned.

My ex's mum used to do her shopping twice a week in the municipal market and it would take her about four or five hours because she invariably got roped into an errand for someone else: delivering some meat to someone's elderly mum whose angina was giving her grief or picking up someone's prescription. It was never seen as suspicious.

British people are inherently suspicious of other people doing them favours and always either assume there's an ulterior motive OR they just don't like the idea of people stepping outside their family lanes and getting involved in other people's business.

It's one of the things I dislike most about British culture. (I'm British through and through btw).

Show quote history

I agree with this to an extent.

Funkyslippers · 01/01/2025 19:44

Gazelda · 01/01/2025 17:38

Many, many years ago, some acquaintances offered to help me transport something unwieldy to my home. It was so kind of them that it would have been terribly rude to decline. So I accepted.

However, I knew that the favour would involve them coming into my house. I travelled with them but knew that I'd had some post that morning which included pornographic mags that I hadn't ordered. I'd opened the post the left it on the dining table in bafflement. I'd gone out to work and not been home since.

So the two acquaintances were about to come into my home and see porn mags on a table as bold as brass. There was nothing I could do about it.

Given the benefit of hindsight, I'd have declined the favour to spare my blushes at having to give a ridiculous and implausible explanation for the porn.

Perhaps sideboard lady was in a similar predicament.

It wouldn't have been rude to decline. And you could have got into your house first and moved the magazines?

notprincehamlet · 01/01/2025 20:14

I'd have assumed you were sideboard rustlers, wrestled you to the ground and made a citizen's arrest

oatmy · 01/01/2025 20:22

I think it was a very nice offer and not weird at all!

Tahlbias · 01/01/2025 23:54

PortiaWithNoBreaks · 01/01/2025 17:58

Where I’m from it wouldn’t be strange either. North Scotland. And when you got to the destination you’d be invited in for tea and cake.

Show quote history

Exactly! I think it was very kind of the op and her husband to offer a helping hand.

PassingStranger · 02/01/2025 00:01

Move on.
You offered, they said no it's gone now.
Your prolonging the agony in your mind wondering what if this and that.
It's gone... it's just alive because your keeping it alive by asking people what they think and all you'll get is loads of different answers anyway.
It is what it is and it's gone.

tommyhoundmum · 02/01/2025 18:10

Lwrenn · 01/01/2025 14:36

See, when you put it like this, it does sound much more weird of us.

The wife was carrying it with the husband at first but DP saw her struggling so offered a hand. That bit isn’t weird though surely?
Thats just being helpful?

Show quote history

I don't think you were weird at all. We would help in the same way.

Perhaps she didn't really like the sideboard or hellping her went against her feminist principles.

RiseOfGru · 02/01/2025 18:15

You and DH meant it kindly but there are lots of scammers and people who have been stung by Facebook Marketplace shenanigans. She also might not like other people touching her stuff, some people are like that. I'd not overthink it tbh.

PeppyGreenFinch · 02/01/2025 18:18

I would have taken you up on the offer!

I’m usually a good judge of character.

ThatBrickRaven · 02/01/2025 18:20

You were helpful and kind. Some people are suspicious of others generally so it’s nothing that you have done particularly. IMO the world could be doing with more people like you! You sound lovely!

Original poster
Lwrenn · 02/01/2025 18:42

Hi everyone :)

just a few people have pointed out it may have been seen a bit anti feminist to help the couple, I hope it never came across that way but DP went to help more so because she looked like she was really struggling and he did directly ask her could he help, he didn’t ask her husband as if she wasn’t there.
DP does look like a bit of a thug though and as BiL pointed out, if he had veneers and a better car he could be mistaken for a drug dealer 😁
And I’ve got a really strong regional accent so all in all we probably seemed quite the risk 😂

OP posts:
catlover123456789 · 02/01/2025 18:45

I think it was a lovely gesture. The number of times I've struggled with my DP to get stuff to the car and into the car, and no the staff dont help (was it homebase where theyve all lost their jobs?)... I'd have been so grateful for the help. Maybe they were worried you'd steal it, but the husband could have got in with your husband to take it to his house if he was that worried!

DurhamDurham · 02/01/2025 18:45

Apparently in our local IKEA some dodgy folk do hang around offering to deliver furniture for a low price. They then drive away with the furniture. I'm not sure I would trust someone random offering to do that, but I am a cynic at heart so don't trust kindness Grin

HowMuchShouldBePaid · 02/01/2025 18:48

I've driven vans as my only vehicle for years. I've offered to help out when I see people struggling on many occasions and I've never been truned down, quite the opposite , and have always had lovley interactions.

Sorry you weren't appreciated, I must also be "weird" 😄

FamBae · 02/01/2025 18:48

That's just the sort of thing my DH would offer to do, I tell him not to be weird but he just likes helping people.

NovemberMorn · 02/01/2025 18:58

I think your gesture was very kind, and the wife did seem to be acting oddly.
However...maybe she has been tricked before and finds it hard to trust strangers.

I bet her husband was embarrassed by the way she acted.

RB68 · 02/01/2025 19:09

South - weird - North normal

PeppyGreenFinch · 02/01/2025 19:11

RB68 · 02/01/2025 19:09

South - weird - North normal

Speak for yourself, we’re in the south and have have had help from strangers and offered it too.

RB68 · 02/01/2025 19:31

Not the norm tho - we are currently on the outskirts of west midlands and its a bit hit and miss

weirdoboelady · 03/01/2025 13:46

you sound like me, OP. A few years ago (probably 2019) there was a free outdoor streaming of an opera at Wembley. I went alone, and took a bottle of wine, together with half a dozen glasses so that I could offer a glass to other people. When the interval came I realised I simply couldn't do this - this wasn't my usual large social circle, where it's the norm to offer wine to strangers, and it would be seen as weird. The most I could do was catch the eye of someone else with a bottle and raise a mutual glass. It's sad that this world isn't the lovely friendly place that we would both like to live in (and probably partially do).

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