SIL being a bit bitchy about name choice

[Pettypity]

My SIL is pregnant and has found out she’s having a girl. She’s announced the name despite only being about half way through the pregnant. The issue is that the name is the one she knew I was going to use if my last pregnancy had have been a girl. She also knows my husband and I are trying and recently suffered a miscarriage. I’m prepared to be told I’m being unreasonable because no one has claim on a name. I just think it’s really bitchy of her when she knows I had planned to call a baby girl this name.

she done similar with her last baby too, announced the name a few weeks before I gave birth and it was another one of the names we were considering

Sure if the names are Cuthbert and Prudence, but I'm guessing they're popular names like Amelia, Charlotte, Grace, Oliver, Jack, James etc. Which wouldn't be surprising at all.

I think it's mean of her but there's not much you can do except choose something even more lovely and don't tell her.

Your BIL is tight you need to suck this up.

They are expecting a girl. You are not pregnant.

They have named their baby.

With the boys names, they chose one that happened.to be on your list. Unfortunate but you had others on the list.

No-one owns a name.

Never announce a name until baby is born. Never.
Then, if someone in your circle also has a baby and uses the same same it's just coincidence.
Your scenario gets posted a lot. Lots of hurt feelings.
💐

Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery, as the saying goes. Take it as a compliment and move on.

When I was pregnant and found out the sex of my baby, I excitedly told my sister the name we were considering. She hit the roof and told me that I couldn't use the name, because apparently it was a name that I knew full well she had always loved and chosen for her own children. At this point she didn't even have a boyfriend and was no where near contemplating having children. She then text me a whole list of names that I shouldn't dare to use. Lesson learned. I simply didn't discuss names with anyone again, and mentioned my sister's reaction to anyone who tried to ask me.

I am ancient. At the time I had my children there was no conversation about names before the baby was born and thereafter it was announced by the parents sometime during the first 6 weeks. This was much better as it was usually a nice surprise to be told the name and none of this nonsense which enables names to be appropriated by relations.

This. My son has the same name as his father and cousin. So there are three "johns" all closely related. Never been an issue,

That's nuts.

I hope you ignored her and used the name you wanted.

No one owns a name.

Stop over-sharing!

Hmm this is is difficult. I think that whilst it’s common courtesy not to ‘steal’ names, it’s up to the individual. She may have a genuine reason why she likes that name. May I ask, is it a popular name, like Sophie, Olivia or Ava? I find that more reasonable and plausible than say if you mentioned the name Aurelia/Calliope etc and she ‘coincidentally’ happens to like the same name. I think anything outside of the top 50 names would be suspicious. Unfortunately at the end of the day you can’t stop someone using your name but it’s think it’s common courtesy to not use names and that have specifically been stated.

I really liked the name Nathaniel but DH had a stillborn cousin by that name and thought it was disrespectful to his aunty to use it so we didn’t. DSIL also asked us not to use her list of baby names, which we didn’t, though that was mostly because we had different tastes.

I’d probably start giving hints to a new name you have suddenly started liking and that you’ve really gone off the other names you liked in the past. I wouldn’t announce any names until after the birth either.

Dont tell her the name, or tell her really outrageous ones.

Use the name if you want to, you know you chose it first

hang on, why is the SIL getting the whole blame? What about her husband, why is he absolved of any responsibility?

I can see why you are a bit vexed as naming your child is special so its understandable. But as you have already said, no-one owns it and you can't make them change.

I have a large family. I was named after my maternal grandmother who died a few weeks before I was born. Then a couple of years later one of my cousins got the same name for the same reason and then 3yrs after that, another cousin. Before anyone asks, its a large family with over 30 cousins and so three of us have the same name. It makes no difference unless we are at family gatherings and to be honest its also fun.

Just tell her she needs to be prepared to have a niece with the same name!

In 1985 I had Sebastian on my list of boys names. I've only had girls. In 2013, a relative named her first son Sebastian. I'd never discussed my boy list with anyone. It does happen. Thankfully another relative gave birth just before me and used Claire-Louise (which I'd talked about a lot).
I can't help feeling that this is blowing up bigger than it is because the infertility grief is being redirected.

It’s ok to be upset and hurt. However, she can use whatever name she likes as can you. I think there’s too much over sharing both about the pregnancies, miscarriages and names. Back away from them a little.

You also can’t read out a list of boys names and then claim none of them can be used by anyone else! That’s ridiculous. I understand the girls name is upsetting for you. It may have been the name she liked all along too. You can just still use the name - cousins can have the same name.

You may never have a girl and are being completely ridiculous.

We gave our DD the same name as SIL and BILs dog (dog came well before DD.) We loved the name so we just chose it. No-one batted an eyelid, well certainly not to us!
We should really just choose the names we love and not worry about what other people choose or think or who else may have the same name.

Hard to know her intentions.

I mean you deliberately told her a name so that she wouldn't use it!!

How weird is that?

I don't think that you can reserve names for speculative future kids.

She's a prick, she knew what she was doing

She's a cruel cunt. It isn't just thoughtlessness. It's malicious. I would pull back hard.

Never, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever, ever share names. Disaster waiting to happen.

Nicely tell her you will be using that name as it was on your list and if she decides to then fine. Do what you want.

so you told her the girl name when she was miscarrying and you think she’s deliberately used that name as a revenge tactic - what is she getting revenge on?