To be sad this is how I found out DS is engaged

[Gladlygracious]

DS is 26, we have a good relationship, his girlfriend is lovely and they have been together for 2.5 years, they make a great couple.
We spent Christmas with them, but they have been saving up and have taken a month of unpaid leave to go to Australia for New Years, a friends wedding and the Australian Open for a month.
This morning DD called me and very excitedly said omg I can't believe DS is engaged. I said what I didn't know. She told me to check his girlfriend's instagram.

He proposed on New Years Eve before the new year came in so at least 22 hours ago. His girlfriend posted on instagram 8 hours ago, 2 separate posts first a post with some pics of them, the ring and a little video of him proposing, then a second post of little videos and pics from the year with the proposal at the end. DS messaged me at midnight UK time so 11 hours ago.
They are at the united cup tennis today so I appreciate they are busy, but he has messaged and she has made 2 instagram posts, DS has shared one of the posts on his story too.

AIBU to be sad this is how I found out and that he didn't tell me or DH directly? Or is this just the modern world?

So exciting, Op!
It's lovely news and how nice to talk and see them both when they are on the other side of the world.

Why should she feel bad?!

I'd be sad too. But there's no mileage in saying so.
I discovered that my DDs friends knew about her pregnancy long before I or her sister did. That hurt too, because I see us as close. But what can you say?

I don't think that young people ever quite understand the depth of feeling that their parents have for them, and their importance in their parents life, even as adults. I know I didn't until I had my own kids. How did your DD feel about finding out that way @Gladlygracious ?

ETA just saw your update! I'm glad it was accidental. Congratulations to them!

How was she thoughtless?!

@PeppyGreenFinch well that’s what OP wanted. So on the happy day of their lives they now feel bad about something. What a fantastic congratulations that must have been for them

Agreed.

There was no need for OP to tell them she already knew.

But she’s got them apologising to her on their big day.

Ah just saw he messaged but didn’t say it then, yes I’d be hurt but honestly maybe with the excitement he just forgot

We didn't intentionally make her feel bad. I mentioned DD already knew and how she knew. They apologised and DS girlfriend said she didn't even think and she felt bad as she didn't want us to find out like that. We reassured them it was okay, to have a lovely time and not worry about it for a second.

I'm sorry OP but, very gently and kindly, I wouldn't be surprised if they end up marrying in secret just the two of them and two witnesses. Really sorry to say that you've already made all of this about yourself and your feelings - and it's just the engagement stage! Just to say that this is exactly what my mum would have done and that's exactly why I got married in the local registry office and only told her six months later. Cannot stand the meddling and the drama - and this had red flags all over it. Again, I mean the above gently.

Why mention it though? What did it achieve?

Why not mention it, if there was nothing wrong with posting on Instagram and no need for the DS and GF to feel bad?

I can't comment on you and your mum, but in relation to the OP's update, that's nonsense.

At the expense of taking the shine off a couple’s happy day.

OP could have just waited a few hours, her son did call her.

I totally get your heartbreak here OP. I've not been able to read the full thread as I've got terrible signal so only the first page will load. Try to give them the benefit of the doubt as you don't want it to come across as the start of MIL trouble (which is honestly when mine started resenting me).

To share how a very similar situation turned out (a crazy and unbelievable story)... BIL went travelling with a group of uni friends and his girlfriend of 3 years. It was one of those schemes where they get the experience of different cultures and working to improve their living conditions. He went the digital detox route and only wrote to his parents every month or so when he'd get to a new village, only ever saying what work he was doing, nothing personal (which was normal for him). I'd been following one of the girls on the trip and updating the family about what places they'd been to/what they were building etc then one day she posted tagging his girlfriend saying how beautiful it was to see her bestie getting engaged in the most magical of settings. I messaged to pass on our congratulations and then phoned DH to share the news. It wasn't a huge surprise as it was always on the cards. Half hour later I went back online and saw the next posts - photos of the girlfriend indeed getting proposed to except the one down on one knee was not BIL! We found out she'd been cheating, they separated while out there and he went with another group while she carried on. The new fiancé was actually his uni friend and had been doing the dirty behind his back for years!

Because she now has two feeling bad on their happy day and apologising to her.

Her son called her pretty soon, she could have just waited.

It sounds like they were excited to tell you OP, it's a shame you found out through social media and the time difference wouldn't have helped either. IMO, it would have been nicer if they had told family first before announcing to the world, but it sounds like they were genuinely excited to tell you the news. I'd just let it go, hopefully they'll be more mindful in the future with any other big announcements.

Oh I wouldn’t have mentioned it. You’ve made them feel bad because they simply forgot his sister follows in insta and because you fell asleep before midnight.

Sounds like if op hadn’t fallen asleep she would have known before instagram too.

But that applies to OP too. Why is knowing in advance so important?

What makes you think the OP is fixated?

I can't imagine many mothers not being at the very least a bit put out about finding out about their child's engagement via SM rather than in person.

Remind me never to start a thread in AIBU.
OP, I do not think your DC will go NC or get married without telling you. The drama on here is insane.