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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Didn’t realise my mates wouldn’t take their wailing kid out…. defriend?

164 replies

Newstart2024 · 01/01/2025 09:31

I have a group of parent friends from maternity leave with my kids…
Sort of a recipe for disaster but yesterday we had planned a 3:30pm cinema trip to see Moana 2 with the kids and a 5pm pizza and express/early new years.

My parent friends have young children as do I but I left Dad and our 1 year old home, took my 4 and 6 year old who I knew would do okay through a film or if not take them out….
Sat next to a friend and her just 4 year old and for 20 minutes halfway through the film he was crying/wailing. After a few minutes I said “why don’t you take him to the lobby” there’s seats and it’s quieter there but she just kept saying to him “we can’t leave.” And Shushing him! Her husband was there and they have another older child, but one parent could go out and one parent could stay surely?
People started staring and I was cringing so hard!
Finally after 20 minutes her partner got up and took the little kid out. Not least he was clearly tired/upset and not enjoying it?!!
I didn’t realise my friend would be the be the type to sit there with a wailing child and not leave. It totally ruined the trip!

Then after in pizza express my husband and 1 year old joined us and another friends 4 year old boy is basically obsessed with her and at some point, despite us on our guard against it (which isn’t relaxing) and even his own parents warning and watching him he tries and sometimes succeeds at whacking her on the head. Which he did last night whilst I was sorting out my own kids food and dropped my guard for a second…..
I don’t know why, he always gets told off but he always does it!
AIBU just to keep it to chats and the odd at home play date?
(Granted cinema and pizza express never going to be easy but felt like those two things potentially avoidable and sitting next to a crying child was mortifying!)

OP posts:
CoraTheExplora · 01/01/2025 09:33

Bin them off they sound awful

fanaticalfairy · 01/01/2025 09:33

Do you not like your friends or something?

TestingTestingWonTooFree · 01/01/2025 09:33

You don’t need to defriend, but avoid seeing their kid in these settings for a while.

NeedToChangeName · 01/01/2025 09:34

That sounds awful but you shouldn't have contiued to meet with a child who sometimes whacks your baby on the head

Fool me once, it's on you, fool me twice it's on me kind of situation

Original poster
Newstart2024 · 01/01/2025 09:37

NeedToChangeName · 01/01/2025 09:34

That sounds awful but you shouldn't have contiued to meet with a child who sometimes whacks your baby on the head

Fool me once, it's on you, fool me twice it's on me kind of situation

I agree there’s no explanation for it… he doesn’t target the older children but it seems younger children he’s a bit strange with. I think he has some other issues though not diagnosed (but referred and waiting) so it makes it a bit tricky not to be sympathetic.

OP posts:
Original poster
Newstart2024 · 01/01/2025 09:38

fanaticalfairy · 01/01/2025 09:33

Do you not like your friends or something?

Thought I did but not been on a cinema trip with them before and next to their wailing 4 year old whilst they shush and ignore?!

OP posts:
TheFunHare · 01/01/2025 09:41

Sounds like a standard afternoon out with young kids tired and over stimulated from Xmas. Think you just have to accept that other kids are different and differently parented and enjoy the chaos.

User37482 · 01/01/2025 09:43

I would take my kid out (and have done so) it’s rude not to. I wouldn’t necessarily bin them off but perhaps keep to softplay or the park for meet-ups etc.

Tia86 · 01/01/2025 09:44

I would stick to meeting your friends at outdoor activities where the 4 year old can be a bit more boisterous.
It sounds like a long day for some children, sitting through a film, then sitting through a meal (pizza express is never that fast in my experience). At that age I would never have met friends for cinema and dinner.

Catsbreakfast · 01/01/2025 09:47

TheFunHare · 01/01/2025 09:41

Sounds like a standard afternoon out with young kids tired and over stimulated from Xmas. Think you just have to accept that other kids are different and differently parented and enjoy the chaos.

You don’t have to accept other people’s entitled behaviour ruining the screening for everyone else. There’s no reason they couldn’t have taken the kid out sooner.

RampantIvy · 01/01/2025 09:47

fanaticalfairy · 01/01/2025 09:33

Do you not like your friends or something?

What an odd question. I don't like they way these people aren't parenting their children.

Thepeopleversuswork · 01/01/2025 09:51

”Defriending” is so unnecessarily melodramatic.

Standard day out with little kids: they didn’t handle it brilliantly and I would have grumbled a bit but there’s no need for the overreaction.

People used to be able to cope with day to day annoying things without the need for this performative “defriending”. It’s childish.

Just move on and stop overthinking things.

Onelifeonly · 01/01/2025 09:51

You've learnt more about what works and what doesn't. That's life - stick to what works for you. Friends don't have to do everything together.

Behindthethymes · 01/01/2025 09:54

It’s nice to be sympathetic, but your first duty is to protect your baby. Although on the situation you described there were at least 2 other adults (your dh and the 4 year olds dp) who should have been alert to the danger too. But if 3 of you can’t keep your baby out of harm’s way then baby and that 4 year olds cannot be in the same place.

So why did neither you or your dh step outside with the baby? Could it be for similar reasons as your df not leaving the cinema?

Firenzeflower · 01/01/2025 09:55

In my experience friends like this only get worse. Wailing becomes behaviour issues and in the end parenting styles clash and it’s miserable.

brightlyshone · 01/01/2025 09:56

I think you do have to accept if you’re meeting up with parent friends that they parent differently. Obviously we all think our approach is the right one and it might be for our child. I don’t agree with everything my friends do with their children but I’m sure I do things they don’t agree with.

Original poster
Newstart2024 · 01/01/2025 09:59

Behindthethymes · 01/01/2025 09:54

It’s nice to be sympathetic, but your first duty is to protect your baby. Although on the situation you described there were at least 2 other adults (your dh and the 4 year olds dp) who should have been alert to the danger too. But if 3 of you can’t keep your baby out of harm’s way then baby and that 4 year olds cannot be in the same place.

So why did neither you or your dh step outside with the baby? Could it be for similar reasons as your df not leaving the cinema?

We were all alert and yes we did. But the four parents involved have 6 children and we were dealing with all of them. Unfortunately if he gets a split second he can just go for it and it happened here (though not as badly).
Basically after the wailing child incident and then the head whack I’d had enough and we were the only ones who didn’t wait for dessert and made our excuses and left!

OP posts:
Frangelicoo · 01/01/2025 10:00

Thepeopleversuswork · 01/01/2025 09:51

”Defriending” is so unnecessarily melodramatic.

Standard day out with little kids: they didn’t handle it brilliantly and I would have grumbled a bit but there’s no need for the overreaction.

People used to be able to cope with day to day annoying things without the need for this performative “defriending”. It’s childish.

Just move on and stop overthinking things.

This. Posters on here seem incapable of thinking ‘Well, that was annoying’ and then forgetting about it, or raising it and moving on. It’s ’minor annoyance to cutting them out of your life’.

Completelyjo · 01/01/2025 10:00

I feel like cutting your friends off because their 4 year old during a busy Christmas Day out was badly behaved is a bit dramatic.
Maybe you don’t really like them anyway and are just looking for an excuse.

Original poster
Newstart2024 · 01/01/2025 10:01

Thepeopleversuswork · 01/01/2025 09:51

”Defriending” is so unnecessarily melodramatic.

Standard day out with little kids: they didn’t handle it brilliantly and I would have grumbled a bit but there’s no need for the overreaction.

People used to be able to cope with day to day annoying things without the need for this performative “defriending”. It’s childish.

Just move on and stop overthinking things.

Oh it’s mumsnet poll isn’t it that’s why I’m saying “defriend” and yes you’re right I’m not actually going to ghost her or anything.
Absolute revelation to me that his parents were the type to ruin 20 minutes of a cinema screening with a wailing kid. I just can’t relate to the rudeness of it when it’s easy enough for one of them to take him out.

And also… people used to know it was rude and take a disruptive child out. Seems less and less the case now!

OP posts:
Didimum · 01/01/2025 10:02

TheFunHare · 01/01/2025 09:41

Sounds like a standard afternoon out with young kids tired and over stimulated from Xmas. Think you just have to accept that other kids are different and differently parented and enjoy the chaos.

Agree. I wouldn’t end or demote a friendship over this. It’s just a kids cinema trip.

Original poster
Newstart2024 · 01/01/2025 10:03

Completelyjo · 01/01/2025 10:00

I feel like cutting your friends off because their 4 year old during a busy Christmas Day out was badly behaved is a bit dramatic.
Maybe you don’t really like them anyway and are just looking for an excuse.

It’s not about the 4 year olds behavior is it? It’s about the parents sitting there ruining the film for everyone else in the cinema?
I’m surprised no one said anything as we certainly attracted a lot of stares!

OP posts:
MissScarletInTheBallroom · 01/01/2025 10:04

TheFunHare · 01/01/2025 09:41

Sounds like a standard afternoon out with young kids tired and over stimulated from Xmas. Think you just have to accept that other kids are different and differently parented and enjoy the chaos.

Do you think all the people who had paid for a cinema ticket should also enjoy the chaos of a screaming 4 year old for 20 minutes, or just the ones who happen to be friends with the parents of the screaming 4 year old?

Completelyjo · 01/01/2025 10:05

Absolute revelation to me that his parents were the type to ruin 20 minutes of a cinema screening with a wailing kid. I just can’t relate to the rudeness of it when it’s easy enough for one of them to take him out.

Even more mental to “defriend” someone over one single parenting moment you disagreed with, which overall was out of character for them.

Pandasnacks · 01/01/2025 10:05

It was annoying yes but you did a cinema and restaurant with over tired small kids on a busy day, it was always going to be hard work. You said the kid who hit your child is awaiting diagnosis for additional needs, so it’s shitty to ditch the parents as friends over this. Just meet without the kids or pick more child friendly events. You are in for a rough ride though if you ditch friends every time you don’t like their parenting.