Didn’t realise my mates wouldn’t take their wailing kid out…. defriend?

[Newstart2024]

I have a group of parent friends from maternity leave with my kids…
Sort of a recipe for disaster but yesterday we had planned a 3:30pm cinema trip to see Moana 2 with the kids and a 5pm pizza and express/early new years.

My parent friends have young children as do I but I left Dad and our 1 year old home, took my 4 and 6 year old who I knew would do okay through a film or if not take them out….
Sat next to a friend and her just 4 year old and for 20 minutes halfway through the film he was crying/wailing. After a few minutes I said “why don’t you take him to the lobby” there’s seats and it’s quieter there but she just kept saying to him “we can’t leave.” And Shushing him! Her husband was there and they have another older child, but one parent could go out and one parent could stay surely?
People started staring and I was cringing so hard!
Finally after 20 minutes her partner got up and took the little kid out. Not least he was clearly tired/upset and not enjoying it?!!
I didn’t realise my friend would be the be the type to sit there with a wailing child and not leave. It totally ruined the trip!

Then after in pizza express my husband and 1 year old joined us and another friends 4 year old boy is basically obsessed with her and at some point, despite us on our guard against it (which isn’t relaxing) and even his own parents warning and watching him he tries and sometimes succeeds at whacking her on the head. Which he did last night whilst I was sorting out my own kids food and dropped my guard for a second…..
I don’t know why, he always gets told off but he always does it!
AIBU just to keep it to chats and the odd at home play date?
(Granted cinema and pizza express never going to be easy but felt like those two things potentially avoidable and sitting next to a crying child was mortifying!)

Then it's up to the parent to remove the child from the situation and prevent them from hurting the baby. You don't need to be be patronising, whether baby is hurt by ND child ot typical child doesn't make a difference

How are you meant to enjoy watching a movie with a screaming child next to you?

20 minutes with a wailing child in the cinema!? That's insane.

It does when you blame the child. OP said both she and the parents were trying, I wouldn’t ditch my friends over that I’d just choose different activities to do. Nobody is a perfect parent

Then you don’t put them in situations you know they can’t cope with. Or worse still don’t do it anyway and just ignore the fallout.

Stares were saying “Take the annoying kid out!”
He sounds badly parented and no surprise they are looking for a diagnosis for it to further absolve them of being responsible parents .

Kids like this who love to suddenly hit babies never target older children, because they’d probably retaliate.

I remember paying a lot for a cinema ticket and a couple of unparented kids were stamping around running up and down the aisle doing frantic giggling- - ruined it for everyone.

I think you're being OTT but if you don't want to be friends, then don't be friends. I hope she has some support from people that are kinder than you.

Come on.

Letting a kid shriek and ruin the film for others isn't a "parenting style." It's entitled arsehole behaviour, and quite the window into their character.

In your shoes OP, I'd fade away. They aren't nice people.

i wish my kids were as perfect as OP's... and that i was as perfect a parent as OP clearly is.

This. It does seem that many people these days don’t know how to get over an irritating but relatively straightforward situation or have the skills to maintain a relationship when things might have gone differently than they wanted. Just talk to your friend calmly about it if it’s bothering you so much, but if it is a one off I’d let it go.

Stick to going to the park together

My baby was in a high chair, he was running around the table and can’t sit down for more than 2 minutes. This is where I say it’s hard not to be sympathetic as obviously something going on with him beyond the normal things you’d hope to have to parent… but I can’t relax knowing for some reason my little one always seems to be on the receiving end. It’s tricky to basically say we won’t be joining them anymore as he always hurts my child :(

Actually, I have taught young neurodiverse children. Being neurodiverse is not a get-out clause for bad behaviour. The child has to learn to live in the real world, which means understanding that unacceptable behaviour such as hurting other children has consequences.

If his parents know he is liable to hit babies on the head, they should have ensured that he wasn’t allowed near enough to the baby to hit her.

The trouble with parents who don't actually parent is that they think other people's children behave well by magic. They would think "the other kids are watching the film without wailing, of course mine can, he's the same age." There is never an acknowledgement that there's more to it than luck.

However, you were shocked your friends didn't take him out, so maybe they are usually considerate. They might have been weighing up asking people to let them in/out of the aisle. We can't judge on one incident.

You can however plan meet ups on future that fit all the kids invited, that's all you can do.

People need to actively parent .
A screeching child needs removing from
a cinema.
People don’t pay to listen to a grizzly kid for 20 minutes.

Not necessarily a need to defriend, but certainly don't go on any more e.g. cinema trips with them

Sorry op but while they weren’t great not being friends because you don’t like the way to reacted to things going sideways is ridiculous- you’ll have no friends within a year!!!

But the child was taken out. From the op sounds like the parent tried a few things before taking them out when that wasn't working. Maybe they've misjudged the timings slightly.

For an afternoon showing of a children's film I don't think I'd be expecting silence all the way through.

I highly doubt it was 20 minutes of constant crying anyway.

Kids will be kids but it's up to parents to intervene. Like one poster has said, I noticed myself gravitating toward other parents with similar parenting style. When my daughter misbehaved when out she would get a warning, a break outside of the venue and if that didn't work straight home. Hitting, snatching toys, breaking toys meant playdate over. I had one of my friends at my house with her 4 year old boy ripping her toys to pieces. I sat there curiously waiting for her to say something, she never did, so I steeped in and just took the toy away. Next time she asked to meet I said fine, but no kids. Life is too short to put up with other people's spoiled brats OP. Find new friends to do outings with

If you know they struggle to sit still, why did you plan on a cinema outing followed by a restaurant?
I agree there is an element of parents should have intervened sooner, taken child out of the cinema but I think this was a badly planned outing by all. Who suggested it?

Not that well behaved but I didn’t bring the 1 year old for a reason… she wouldn’t settle. And my own 4 year old put her feet on the seat in front so I tapped her on the shoulder and told her to put her feet down (I wouldn’t like some kids shoes on the back of my seat).

It wasn’t about the kid being a good or bad kid it’s about the consideration of the parents to others in the cinema. My friend is usually considerate and also can be quite judgey about others parenting even so it was out of the blue.

Anyway think a previous poster said you tend to fall into friends with people who have the same parenting style and I think that’s true!
My parents just didn’t push their luck with us in public places and I’m pretty much the same, can’t understand those who aren’t.

If I were to defriend because of this, it would be because I wasn't bothered about the friendship one way or another. Or perhaps didn't like them much.
But the 'one strike and you're out' approach seems bizarre to me.

The film thing is irritating, she is a bit pathetic not taking the child out but that would wash over me,

I wouldn’t be exposing my baby to the child who attacks her, that’s it. As sad as it is you do not need to sacrifice your own child’s well being and safety because of another child. Only hits smaller children and not ones his own size, it’s either he has zero understanding or he picks on small ones as it’s easier isn’t it.

Different boy different situation. The whacking boy is fine in front of a film and wasn’t the one crying but he won’t sit at a meal he just gets up around our table though. Luckily he doesn’t run off.

We all took our older ones last year 5+ and it was fine. This year some of our youngest ones turned 4+ so we brought them too, obviously it didn’t work out behavior wise but that’s when I thought people would be aware and just take their kids out to stop ruining it for others.

What support do you think she and her husband need? They had a child having a tantrum which is not uncommon in 4 year olds but chose not to remove him from the cinema screen. They thought it was better to ruin a (rather expensive) experience for everyone in the screen rather than take their child outside. They shouldn't need support and handholding for such basic levels of parenting.