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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To break up with him for love hearting a bunch of women's pictures?

143 replies

Kthnxbye11 · 01/01/2025 08:26

We've been together less than 6 months so it's still all very new but I had a gut feeling that I've been trying to push down for a few weeks which came to a head last night.

It came to my attention he was 'liking' half naked pictures of women on instagram, both onlyfans creators and 'regular' women. I noticed but didn't say anything at the time. One of these women is the one that has been in the media lately for sleeping with 100 men in a day 😔 big red flag right?

Now over the past week or so whenever he posted a Facebook status he'd get quite a bit of engagement from women I'd never heard him mention in a friend / knowing them context. Curiosity (or maybe insecurity) got the better of me and I did click to see who they was.

He has been 'love heart' reacting a load of their pictures, continuously. Normal selfies, bikini pictures, lingerie. Everything.

It feels like a deal breaker for me as that's everything I dislike about mens behaviour on social media.

My children's father was a serial cheat and ever since leaving him I've told myself I would be zero tolerance about anything like this and would leave at the first sign of wandering eyes.

I sent him a WhatsApp message before I went to bed saying I have seen how he uses social media and it makes him look like a creep, I'm ending things here.

He has read it this morning but hasn't replied yet. I fully expect he will contact me at some point today to downplay it and tell me I'm over reacting.

Do you think I'm being unreasonable? Have I done the right thing or is it me who is coming across badly here?

FWIW I know for a fact he would be upset if the shoe were on the other foot.

Feeling sad and a bit confused this morning and would benefit from some MN wisdom 😔

OP posts:
rozziee · 01/01/2025 08:28

I’d end it too. It’s teenage boy level behaviour and completely gross for a grown man. No thank you!

Dobbythechristmaself · 01/01/2025 08:29

Fucking well done OP. I’m impressed with your hard line on this. You’re right, only a creep does this. One who thinks women are there to be perved over by people like him. But not many women would stand up about this so well done you.

noworklifebalance · 01/01/2025 08:29

YANBU at all.
Listen to your gut. It’s fine to feel sad about it ending but don’t go back, stay strong.

Nodlikeyouwerelistening · 01/01/2025 08:30

It would be a deal breaker for me. It’s humiliating. Everyone can see the “content” he’s engaging with and it’s sleazy AF.

Zanatdy · 01/01/2025 08:30

Don’t let him talk you round, it’s clear this will continue, huge red flag for me.

Theextraordinaryisintheordinary · 01/01/2025 08:32

How disappointing for you. Yes, I’m with you my lovely. He should have better things to occupy himself with. So unattractive isn’t it?

PrincessOfPreschool · 01/01/2025 08:33

Well done, OP. You have standards and that's a good thing. His behaviour is teenagerish and selfish. By sticking up for this, he may MAY one day realise that this behaviour is not OK. At 6 months he should be so into you but if he's not then there's no future.

MissScarletInTheBallroom · 01/01/2025 08:34

I'd hate this.

I'd worry that if he's hearting pictures now, in his 50s he'll be paying for sex.

Original poster
Kthnxbye11 · 01/01/2025 08:35

Thank you all. This is exactly what I needed to hear today and will help me stand firm. I will be walking away with my self respect intact.

As time went on I noticed that he's quite insecure and I know from past experience with my ex how insecure men behave, they want validation from everywhere and will inevitability cheat (whilst accusing you of everything they're doing themselves)

OP posts:
Jolietta · 01/01/2025 08:37

It's the fact that none of them are true celebrities that can be admired. A great actress or singer for example, just women getting their kit off for the lads!

It makes him appear thirsty.

I would just block and not entertain the drama of him either downplaying it and trying to win you back or worse, him saying nasty things out of spite etc.

StrawHatLuffy · 01/01/2025 08:42

What creep.

Drop and block.

AhBiscuits · 01/01/2025 08:42

You're still in the very early stages of your relationship. You've discovered something he does which is a massive turn off, and I think most women would agree with you on that. End it. No reason at all for you to settle for this one.

Original poster
Kthnxbye11 · 01/01/2025 08:43

I have belongings at his house so will have to speak to him eventually to arrange having them returned but I'm in no rush.

OP posts:
SensibleSigma · 01/01/2025 08:44

Good for you. If we all held lines on this kind of behaviour, men might shape up. It’s too late for him to do better for you, OP, but he may behave better in future.

Feelinadequate23 · 01/01/2025 08:45

Well done OP! You’ve actually learnt from your previous experiences and are making better decisions this time round. Best way to start a new year!

he’s a creep and you are far far better off without him.

stopthepigeonstopthepigeon · 01/01/2025 08:46

Yeah it’s immature and creepy. I think you’re doing the right thing.

Barryplopper · 01/01/2025 08:46

Yes this would be a no from me aswell, very creepy

Original poster
Kthnxbye11 · 01/01/2025 08:46

It makes you wonder what his inbox looks like doesn't it? If he's doing all of that publicly he's undoubtedly messaging people aswell.

OP posts:
GeneralPeter · 01/01/2025 08:47

I'd get rid of him. It's only six months and you mention no redeeming features or complications. He's one or more of very immature, uncaring of you/your relationship, or particularly sleazy. Maybe all three. Cut losses and find better.

Original poster
Kthnxbye11 · 01/01/2025 08:51

GeneralPeter · 01/01/2025 08:47

I'd get rid of him. It's only six months and you mention no redeeming features or complications. He's one or more of very immature, uncaring of you/your relationship, or particularly sleazy. Maybe all three. Cut losses and find better.

One complication - our DC go to the same school and I will have to see/walk past him on a regular basis. Time to practice my poker face I think.

OP posts:
Nogaxeh · 01/01/2025 08:51

There are two things about this that would put me off.

Firstly, it's perving over other women in a very public way. To think of all the effort women went to over page three, etc, to have a guy showing the same disrespect on social media. No.

Secondly, it's also really dumb. It's all linked to his social media account. It's not like he's tried to be discreet about it.

Behindthethymes · 01/01/2025 08:58

He doesn’t have to believe that he’s a creep, or a bad guy in anyway, to make your boundary valid.

You get to choose your own standards regardless of what he, or anyone else thinks.

If you have to engage further, phrases that focus on you are very powerful. And they’re very useful to clarify your thinking.
This is not for me.
I won’t put up with that.
I have different standards

SensibleSigma · 01/01/2025 08:59

Kthnxbye11 · 01/01/2025 08:51

One complication - our DC go to the same school and I will have to see/walk past him on a regular basis. Time to practice my poker face I think.

Show quote history

Yes, but- he’s not fanciable anymore, so no hard feelings, just an embarrassing interlude. You aren’t compatible, you have self respect.

Everlygreen · 01/01/2025 09:02

Your ex was a serial cheat, and now you met similar. You did the right thing by dumping him but I would work on grinding out why you pick the same type

Original poster
Kthnxbye11 · 01/01/2025 09:07

He seemed like the opposite of my ex in every way, until now 😩

OP posts: