To break up with him for love hearting a bunch of women's pictures?

[Kthnxbye11]

We've been together less than 6 months so it's still all very new but I had a gut feeling that I've been trying to push down for a few weeks which came to a head last night.

It came to my attention he was 'liking' half naked pictures of women on instagram, both onlyfans creators and 'regular' women. I noticed but didn't say anything at the time. One of these women is the one that has been in the media lately for sleeping with 100 men in a day 😔 big red flag right?

Now over the past week or so whenever he posted a Facebook status he'd get quite a bit of engagement from women I'd never heard him mention in a friend / knowing them context. Curiosity (or maybe insecurity) got the better of me and I did click to see who they was.

He has been 'love heart' reacting a load of their pictures, continuously. Normal selfies, bikini pictures, lingerie. Everything.

It feels like a deal breaker for me as that's everything I dislike about mens behaviour on social media.

My children's father was a serial cheat and ever since leaving him I've told myself I would be zero tolerance about anything like this and would leave at the first sign of wandering eyes.

I sent him a WhatsApp message before I went to bed saying I have seen how he uses social media and it makes him look like a creep, I'm ending things here.

He has read it this morning but hasn't replied yet. I fully expect he will contact me at some point today to downplay it and tell me I'm over reacting.

Do you think I'm being unreasonable? Have I done the right thing or is it me who is coming across badly here?

FWIW I know for a fact he would be upset if the shoe were on the other foot.

Feeling sad and a bit confused this morning and would benefit from some MN wisdom 😔

Hmm. You could soften how you break up with him, if you are worried about it impacting on your children or being too awkward for you. At this stage you really don’t need much reason to walk away. No need to engage with his justifications or to prove him wrong.

I'm worried you've had to seek validation here tbh. You've broken up with him. What would you do if we all turned round and said actually you shouldn't be uncomfortable with it? You were uncomfortable you ended it. Have courage in yourself.

I don't think you're ready for dating if you're going to compare to your ex so readily

I know. I was second guessing my emotional response (texting him saying i'd seen it all)

My gut told me I was doing the right thing but I woke up with a ball of anxiety and thought "you may have made yourself look like an insecure twat here"

Just keep the break-up simple and not too pointed about his flaws. You telling him he is sleazy won’t make him change - it’s not the odd photo he has liked.

I'm ending things here.

Doesn't this end it? or are you one of those people where this means try harder?

If I end a relationship, it's not a discussion. It's not an invite to try to convince me you're worth another go.

Doesn't matter. It's done. Head held high well done if you were my mate I'd be well proud of you

I wish I had walked away when mine was doing this. I let him back into my life (won’t do it again blah blah) and I massively regret it now as there is no trust on my part. No one seemed to be talking about it at the time and now loads of women are saying how disrespectful it is and that they won’t put up with it. I wish I had seen all the posts and videos back then as it might have helped me (I thought maybe I was insecure) I’m proud of you for saying no and I agree that if enough women are strong enough to do this then men might get the message that it’s not cool eventually.

Get rid whilst you’re still in the early stages. You’re completely valid in not putting up with this. It would be such a turn off for me.

to clarify.

YANBU.

Go with gut, don't second guess.

it's done.

I'm ending things here.

It does yes.

I can't afford and don't want to have somebody in my life who I can't trust. I have children to think about.

I'd be lying if I said it doesn't hurt though.

Absolutely bloody well done, OP. It's creepy and sleazy behaviour and I wouldn't be able to put up with it either. Much better to have ended things early on in the relationship rather than many months or years down the line when your lives (and your respective DC's lives) are much more enmeshed.

Well done op. The second red flag there is that you said he would come round and tell you you're overreacting. No. He doesn't get to decide your boundaries. You do.

@Kthnxbye11

YANBU at all. His behaviour is very sleazy.

I can't tell you how refreshing it is to read a post from a woman with firm boundaries and self respect. Well done! 🌺

Ugh it would turn me off too. It's visible to everyone so is the social media equivalent of openly ogling other women in front of your partner. You did the right thing

I think this is fair. You can end a relationship for any reason, OP. No one else needs to agree. Personally, I couldn’t shag a man who used emojis, but I don’t expect other people to agree on that one.

No woman with healthy self esteem would be with a base immature idiot like that. Don’t think twice about it. When you pass him at the school gates hold yourself high that you won’t lower your standards for some dribbling low life.

Bloody brilliant. Happy new year to you. I wish more women refused to tolerate this juvenile claptrap.

I have commented further down but this resonated with me, I genuinely thought I was insecure when my OH did this. I ended up losing 10 stone and taking more pride in my appearance etc and after all that I’ve realised it’s not insecurity at all because I know I look ‘good’ as in socially acceptable but I still think it’s gross and disrespectful. Imagine being out with a man and just saying to other men as the walk past ‘wow you look amazing, nice *k’ etc it’s literally what they’re doing!! They’re showing everyone who can see their social media that they lust after other women. It will eat away at you if you don’t take action. I asked in a FB group and got lots
of women telling me they would be okay with it and it swayed my opinion and I shouldn’t have let it. It felt wrong to me and a little too close to cheating and it hasn’t changed and still hurt so I could have trusted my gut. Trust yours.

This might have been difficult, but I'm 100% sure you've just saved yourself from a future of heartache.

Even if his behaviour around liking pics on SM changed further into your relationship, he'll always be someone who secretly lusts over OF models and the like. I wouldn't want that kind of partner, and aside from being an absolute creep, this would make me feel hugely insecure, knowing I couldn't live up to these women physically.

You don't need that. Well done for ending it OP.

Ew. Bin.

He’s just given me the ick. Good for you, get rid and don’t waste anymore of your time.

Sorry OP I accidentally clicked “Yabu”
but meant to click that you are not being unreasonable - it’s gross

Every man on the planet does this.
also the algorithm is very VERY good at feeding it to you.

im a man. I hit the “not interested” button on (almost) every big boobed reel of a hot woman - I still get fed them. I still occasionally think with my balls.

don’t over react. He’s not cheating on you it’s the same as seeing a women in the street and mentally noting “hot”.

YANBU. LTB

He's a sleazy creep. I had to dump a guy I loved for similar reasons. I'm still heartbroken tbh but I couldn't live with someone like that.

If I'm not enough for him that early in a relationship then I never will be.

Only a matter of time before he's paying for sex while telling you he's out at snooker with the lads or something.

You've done the right thing. Plenty more fish.