Page 9 | Breastfeeding comment

PregnantAtLast · 2025-01-01T07:42:25+00:00

I'm currently 2 months pregnant. Shared the good news with parents over Christmas, all lovely. I told my mum I'd be breastfeeding when she asked. She said "Oh, will you be getting one of those shawls like your cousin had?" (Basically to cover myself and the baby when I am feeding). It made me feel really uncomfortable that she expects me to cover myself feeding my child in my own family home. AIBU to push back on this and insist on feeding how I want to, or do I need to respect her wishes when I'm in her home?

ShesNotACowShesAFox · 01/01/2025 23:42

popduckhe · 01/01/2025 23:41

No I wouldn't. I also wouldn't say anything. I'd just prefer not. I'm leaving the thread now. It's no.big deal to me, just a preference. Everyone is different, it's nothing deep.

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Is it a “preference” to not want a disabled person “in your face”, do you think?

Hollyandgrinch · 01/01/2025 23:44

I breastfed mine and they didn't really like being covered up. Imagine if someone threw a big cloth over your head randomly.

I used to use a muslin to hold behind their head if I was out and about which still does the job and doesn't cover them.

When it came to family I just got on with it though.

MoreNetflix · 01/01/2025 23:45

PregnantAtLast · 01/01/2025 07:54

When did I say I feel I 'have the right to make someone uncomfortable'?

Why do you think I'm asking on here what people would do?

I am thinking it through and wanting to get others' opinions.

A shawl is an extra hassle to faff about with and I'd rather not if I don't have to, so I am trying to weigh up in my mind whether it's a reasonable request or whether to push back.

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A reasonable request? She hasn’t requested you use one, just asked if you were going to use one.

I was more comfortable using one when around wider family. It also helped to stop my babies getting distracted when feeding as they got older.

IF she requests you use one in her home, then I think you either do, or you don’t visit. It seems silly to not be comfortable with your own daughter breastfeeding to me, but if she’s not she’s not and it’s her house so 🤷‍♀️

Darkdiamond · 01/01/2025 23:57

Does anyone else not really understand this 'faffing around with shawls' stuff? I breastfed 3 kids, anywhere and everywhere, and just popped a muslin over any part of my breast that was on show when I wanted a bit of privacy or if I sensed someone was a bit weird about it. It's no hassle at all and didn't cover the baby's face, just my boob. At no point did i feel like my principles were being compromised and I never felt like I was being shamed for nursing my baby. I don't think there is anything shameful about breastfeeding at all; it's obviously natural and pretty amazing actually, but sometimes I didn't want my large boob on show and other times I felt like other people wouldn't appreciate seeing it. If i thought my mum was a bit weird about it, i'd just have the muslin handy and not turn it into an ideological issue. Just like any other very normal person getting on with things while living in a world with other people in it.

Oneofusisdead · 02/01/2025 00:07

My mother didn't breastfeed me, so took me breastfeeding my DS as an implicit criticism of her, so tried to get me to go to my childhood bedroom to feed my baby in their house. I didn't comply, told her that baby and I were comfortable where we were, he'd be upset if I had to unlatch and move him. She did offer to buy me formula too, but I told her that breast was working out very well for both of us, so no need.

So i encourage you to stick to your guns, don't let her put you off doing what's best for baby and you.

CrispyCrumpets · 02/01/2025 00:14

So glad to see so many defending breastfeeding on this thread. There is absolutely an issue around the sexualisation of breasts and therefore the sexualisation of breastfeeding that we should acknowledge and try to change in our culture.

I've been reading some of the replies and I do know that some Mums who are using shields or have very large breasts that need to be positioned in a certain way, or have some other tricky problem to overcome, may well feel more comfortable using a cover.

All going well though, they are just not needed. You can breastfeed without anyone seeing much of anything using simple techniques or nursing tops and dresses. Breastfeeding is very beneficial to mums and babies and the environment and we all really ought to be encouraging it as a society and not putting obstacles in the path of new mums.

Cappuccinowithonesugarplease · 02/01/2025 05:56

username7367 · 01/01/2025 23:25

Nothing to do with internalised misogyny blah blah. Some people just don't like nudity! Men or women

But it's still their problem and it's tough shit if they don't like it! Why Is the human anatomy such a shameful thing?

Frangelicoo · 02/01/2025 07:11

Sharptonguedwoman · 01/01/2025 10:19

Good rule is that you never make people uncomfortable in their own home. DD and DM can sort it out but if it means draping a silky scarf while breastfeeding, that’s what she might decide to do.

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If by feeding your baby in the way that your body was designed to do makes someone ‘uncomfortable’, it would be a very ‘good rule’ to suggest they try therapy.

Sharptonguedwoman · 02/01/2025 07:21

Frangelicoo · 02/01/2025 07:11

If by feeding your baby in the way that your body was designed to do makes someone ‘uncomfortable’, it would be a very ‘good rule’ to suggest they try therapy.

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If people were brought up with different values then being unpleasant to them by suggesting therapy is hardly likely to help.

Frangelicoo · 02/01/2025 07:50

Sharptonguedwoman · 02/01/2025 07:21

If people were brought up with different values then being unpleasant to them by suggesting therapy is hardly likely to help.

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It’s not a ‘value’, it’s an internalised prejudice. And requires no patience or goodwill.

OliveLeader · 02/01/2025 08:03

Darkdiamond · 01/01/2025 23:57

Does anyone else not really understand this 'faffing around with shawls' stuff? I breastfed 3 kids, anywhere and everywhere, and just popped a muslin over any part of my breast that was on show when I wanted a bit of privacy or if I sensed someone was a bit weird about it. It's no hassle at all and didn't cover the baby's face, just my boob. At no point did i feel like my principles were being compromised and I never felt like I was being shamed for nursing my baby. I don't think there is anything shameful about breastfeeding at all; it's obviously natural and pretty amazing actually, but sometimes I didn't want my large boob on show and other times I felt like other people wouldn't appreciate seeing it. If i thought my mum was a bit weird about it, i'd just have the muslin handy and not turn it into an ideological issue. Just like any other very normal person getting on with things while living in a world with other people in it.

If a woman feels more comfortable using a cover then I have no problem with it, but equally just because she feels better using a cover doesn’t mean it isn’t a faff for others.

I tried using a large muslin the first couple of times I fed in public when I was still building up my confidence and it was a total pain. My baby hated it and kept trying to wave it away, so it was slipping and needing readjusted constantly. I have big boobs and needed both hands to hold my baby and my large boob to attain a deep latch, so adjusting it meant my baby was slipping off the latch which was sore for me and frustrating for him. It also meant I couldn’t see what I was doing which I really needed in the early days. In the end it was significantly less discreet than just feeding him because all the readjustment drew more attention to me.

There’s another aspect to it as well. By just feeding my baby normally and without feeling obliged to hide it, I very very quickly got over any embarrassment or shame associated with it. It soon felt completely normal and natural and I was relaxed and calm, regardless of where I was feeding and with whom. If I had continued to feel the need to cover up for the benefit of others I would have persisted in that feeling that breastfeeding was something to be hidden away and disguised, that it was ‘intimate’, a form of nudity, unsuitable for public - all those misogynistic little messages women are bombarded with which fuck up our mental health and contribute to breastfeeding rates being so low in this country. I absolutely understand that not all women feel that way and that for some, a cover will empower them to continue their breastfeeding journey where they might otherwise struggle. In those cases a cover is a great tool for them. But for me, using one would have been to the detriment of my own mental health and feelings about the issue.

MostHighlyFlavoredGravy · 02/01/2025 08:08

Some of the comments on this thread are very depressing. I bet OP will be back in 9 months with one of those threads saying that her DM is saying she is selfish for BF because it means she is denying others a chance to have a go at feeding the baby...

Sparrow7 · 02/01/2025 09:00

Munkypuppy · 01/01/2025 07:54

I think she was just asking to make conversation tbh

^ this

Supssups · 02/01/2025 09:23

WitcheryDivine · 01/01/2025 23:24

I’ve seen loads of people breastfeed and the only time I’ve seen someone do the full “no top on boobs out” method was right after they gave birth while in the hospital.

Is that what people on this thread are envisaging??

she still had a top on but there was a large breasted woman in my postnatal group who used to pretty much do this in the cafe when we used to meet up! The BF warriors on here aren't understanding the fact that there is NO other acceptable situation when a woman would choose to get her breasts out visibly in public or in front of her male relatives - like it or not, our breasts are BOTH sexual and essential for feeding- no one on here would deliberately show their breasts to random strangers or their own fathers would they? if we weren't BF, would we be handling our boobs and exposing them? i grew up in an era of page 3 and nude calendars on the walls of shops and offices, so seeing a relative BF in front of me as a child was disgusting...its not the boob itself, its the function,the visceral suckling and noises of the baby - the more women who DO feed in front of their families and in public, the better able people will be able to see this is perfectly natural and necessary, but castigating people and calling them words like c**ts like another poster has,when those attitudes have arisen from a lifetime of social conditioning is really not on.

StormingNorman · 02/01/2025 10:11

Oneofusisdead · 02/01/2025 00:07

My mother didn't breastfeed me, so took me breastfeeding my DS as an implicit criticism of her, so tried to get me to go to my childhood bedroom to feed my baby in their house. I didn't comply, told her that baby and I were comfortable where we were, he'd be upset if I had to unlatch and move him. She did offer to buy me formula too, but I told her that breast was working out very well for both of us, so no need.

So i encourage you to stick to your guns, don't let her put you off doing what's best for baby and you.

I actually find it incredibly rude that you made your mum feel uncomfortable in her own home.

StormingNorman · 02/01/2025 10:18

Frangelicoo · 02/01/2025 07:11

If by feeding your baby in the way that your body was designed to do makes someone ‘uncomfortable’, it would be a very ‘good rule’ to suggest they try therapy.

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Are you using therapy as an insult? Quite disturbed by your attitude towards MH.

You might like to explore your unconscious biases, which are undoubtedly a result of your upbringing, culture and environment.

Much like people who feel uncomfortable around breastfeeding for a reason they can’t quite pin down.

StormingNorman · 02/01/2025 10:24

Supssups · 02/01/2025 09:23

she still had a top on but there was a large breasted woman in my postnatal group who used to pretty much do this in the cafe when we used to meet up! The BF warriors on here aren't understanding the fact that there is NO other acceptable situation when a woman would choose to get her breasts out visibly in public or in front of her male relatives - like it or not, our breasts are BOTH sexual and essential for feeding- no one on here would deliberately show their breasts to random strangers or their own fathers would they? if we weren't BF, would we be handling our boobs and exposing them? i grew up in an era of page 3 and nude calendars on the walls of shops and offices, so seeing a relative BF in front of me as a child was disgusting...its not the boob itself, its the function,the visceral suckling and noises of the baby - the more women who DO feed in front of their families and in public, the better able people will be able to see this is perfectly natural and necessary, but castigating people and calling them words like c**ts like another poster has,when those attitudes have arisen from a lifetime of social conditioning is really not on.

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Most sensible post on here 👏👏👏

OliveLeader · 02/01/2025 11:08

Supssups · 02/01/2025 09:23

she still had a top on but there was a large breasted woman in my postnatal group who used to pretty much do this in the cafe when we used to meet up! The BF warriors on here aren't understanding the fact that there is NO other acceptable situation when a woman would choose to get her breasts out visibly in public or in front of her male relatives - like it or not, our breasts are BOTH sexual and essential for feeding- no one on here would deliberately show their breasts to random strangers or their own fathers would they? if we weren't BF, would we be handling our boobs and exposing them? i grew up in an era of page 3 and nude calendars on the walls of shops and offices, so seeing a relative BF in front of me as a child was disgusting...its not the boob itself, its the function,the visceral suckling and noises of the baby - the more women who DO feed in front of their families and in public, the better able people will be able to see this is perfectly natural and necessary, but castigating people and calling them words like c**ts like another poster has,when those attitudes have arisen from a lifetime of social conditioning is really not on.

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‘Visceral suckling’ JFC, patriarchy really has done a number on you ☹️

Supssups · 02/01/2025 11:50

@OliveLeader exactly …and seeing as i have washed and dealt with peoples body parts with no problems and dealt with poo, vomit, sputum and other bodily secretions without a disgust response kicking in, it shows that its not a logical response ,hence why people insulting other peoples responses is not the way forward. To improve rates of BF we need to acknowledge that women themselves ,never mind family members or random strangers, can have ambivalent or negative reactions to BF.

SparklingJoyous · 02/01/2025 11:54

I just use a muslin when I'm feeding? It does the job
And the one up one down method
I find that shawls etc just draw unwanted attention especially in public. If done discreetly it isn't obvious a woman is feeding.

OliveLeader · 02/01/2025 11:56

Supssups · 02/01/2025 11:50

@OliveLeader exactly …and seeing as i have washed and dealt with peoples body parts with no problems and dealt with poo, vomit, sputum and other bodily secretions without a disgust response kicking in, it shows that its not a logical response ,hence why people insulting other peoples responses is not the way forward. To improve rates of BF we need to acknowledge that women themselves ,never mind family members or random strangers, can have ambivalent or negative reactions to BF.

How does me acknowledging that you have a negative reaction to breastfeeding, informed by your inability to separate breasts from sex, help me (or any woman) to breastfeed? How are breastfeeding rates improved by breastfeeding women being told ‘some people find you feeding your baby disgusting, shameful and sexualised, so here are ways for you to hide it away to spare their feelings?’

You are the person with an irrational and damaging attitude towards feeding babies. It is your responsibility to resolve that, by seeking therapy / learning more about it / removing yourself from spaces where you will make breastfeeding women uncomfortable.

ShesNotACowShesAFox · 02/01/2025 12:33

I’m assuming those uncomfortable with breastfeeding never go swimming, visit a beach and prefer everyone around them wear polo necks?

ShesNotACowShesAFox · 02/01/2025 12:33

SparklingJoyous · 02/01/2025 11:54

I just use a muslin when I'm feeding? It does the job
And the one up one down method
I find that shawls etc just draw unwanted attention especially in public. If done discreetly it isn't obvious a woman is feeding.

Edited

Muslins are not for everyone.

I’ve breastfed 2 babies for over a year each in public, I never got unwanted attention

ShesNotACowShesAFox · 02/01/2025 12:35

Supssups · 02/01/2025 09:23

she still had a top on but there was a large breasted woman in my postnatal group who used to pretty much do this in the cafe when we used to meet up! The BF warriors on here aren't understanding the fact that there is NO other acceptable situation when a woman would choose to get her breasts out visibly in public or in front of her male relatives - like it or not, our breasts are BOTH sexual and essential for feeding- no one on here would deliberately show their breasts to random strangers or their own fathers would they? if we weren't BF, would we be handling our boobs and exposing them? i grew up in an era of page 3 and nude calendars on the walls of shops and offices, so seeing a relative BF in front of me as a child was disgusting...its not the boob itself, its the function,the visceral suckling and noises of the baby - the more women who DO feed in front of their families and in public, the better able people will be able to see this is perfectly natural and necessary, but castigating people and calling them words like c**ts like another poster has,when those attitudes have arisen from a lifetime of social conditioning is really not on.

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Yes breasts are used for both purposes but ten primary purpose is to feed a baby and no they wouldn’t flash their breast to their dad but how does this invalidate feeding a child?

ShesNotACowShesAFox · 02/01/2025 12:36

The prudes here pearly clutching over breastfeeding in public, how do you feel about the fact your comments will be making companies who heavily profit from shaming women and killing babies positively teeming with joy that their decade long campaign to drip feed anti-breastfeeding messages, is working? How do you feel about the fact you’re part of that?