Breastfeeding comment

[PregnantAtLast]

I'm currently 2 months pregnant. Shared the good news with parents over Christmas, all lovely.

I told my mum I'd be breastfeeding when she asked. She said "Oh, will you be getting one of those shawls like your cousin had?"
(Basically to cover myself and the baby when I am feeding).

It made me feel really uncomfortable that she expects me to cover myself feeding my child in my own family home.

AIBU to push back on this and insist on feeding how I want to, or do I need to respect her wishes when I'm in her home?

I’ll ask you as no one else is answering - is all discomfort valid?? If her mum was uncomfortable with Muslims and her DD brought one into her home would it be acceptable to tell the Muslim to leave because it makes her mum feel uncomfortable?

Much like people who feel uncomfortable around breastfeeding for a reason they can’t quite pin down.

Then they’re either weird, stupid or susceptible to anti-breastfeeding marketing. Why should babies have to make way for these kind of people?

"Oh, will you be getting one of those shawls like your cousin had?"

"No Mum, but anyone who likes can use their own shawl, jumper, coat, towel, hands, to put over their own heads so they can't see a baby eating."

And if the half wits offended by breastfeeding think they’re just part of the “conditioning” of people before them, here’s a picture from 1943 of a woman breastfeeding, no double top and no muslin.

Dont kid yourselves. Youve fallen for long and clever marketing by people smarter than you. It happens. Don’t feel too bad. But don’t you want to do better?? Don’t you want to be a person who isn’t uptight, susceptible to marketing from child killing companies and misogynists?

But it doesn't sound like the PP's mother was really feeling uncomfortable- she was just trying to sabotage her own daughter's attempts to BF by making things difficult for her and offering to buy formula (probably under a passive-aggressive guise of "helping") 🙄

A more appropriate analogy around nudity is to ask whether it is valid to feel uncomfortable getting your vagina out at the doctor’s. It’s not a sexual organ because urinating is a natural function and it’s a clinical rather sexual setting.

It didn’t say they did. I was just pointing out the poster’s own subconscious bias.

She asked her to go to a different room in the first instance - no attempt to stop her at all. I would think the offer to buy formula was a last ditch attempt to stop her daughter getting her boob out over Countdown.

If you urinate from your vagina you need to see a doctor

Again - who is nude when breastfeeding? Which women have removed their clothing to breastfeed?

And people urinate in the toilet. Babies feed from the breast, not from the vagina. There’d be no reason to get your vagina out, there’s a reason to get your breast out.

But I’d like you to answer my question about the Muslim friend. Because it’s a perfect analogy. One is about racism, the other about misogyny. Both abhorrent, both excused through ‘discomfort’ too many times.

If you’re uncomfortable with a baby being fed, have some introspection and ask yourself why. Then grow up. But to suggest this is a valid discomfort in putting yourself over the needs of a baby, you’re a special kind of selfish and/or stupid and probably should refrain from mixing with other humans. Or at least warn them or your stupidity

Why though? Why should she put herself out?

You may think you’re being clever with the laminate of “boob out over Countdown” but you just sound really dim.

How do you feel about the fact you’ve been brainwashed by baby killing companies?

This is exactly the stock response that you need!

As for what should you do....do nothing! Dont get sucked into her issues.
Also many babies won't feed under a shawl my two would either fuss or pull off any muslin or cover so I stopped bothering to attempt to.

If she or your dad are uncomfortable you can either be extra ott pleasant and feed in a separate room (which actually gives you a break from the awkward parents!) Or chose not to. If they make a big issue of you bf then you can always stop going to their house.

I would however in your situation get info up front, know where and when your local bf support group is and be prepared foe your mum to try and push formula onto you.

Breastfeeding is hard in the beginning just be prepared for it and also see if you can borrow a breast pump from a friend or get your own either incase you need to take milk off or if you want a few hours out when baby is a bit older.

Also try feeding twins in public. Not modest at all. No shits given by the age of 2.5 years. It was hard enough to get breastfeeding started, without dimwits requiring coverage to make it palatable for them. I was usually trying to balance two babies whilst sitting on an uncomfortable chair for the task if out, and if you saw some boob and were offended, well then good for you. Now I'm breastfeeding toddlers, the chances of you seeing everything are high. And that is completely a you problem. Enjoy your lunch/library book/park walk/toddler class depending on where you are when you're looking at me and muttering.

You’re all twisted up like a pretzel trying to misinterpret my post any way you can.

How on earth did you reach getting your fanny out while breastfeeding 😂😂😂 Analogies are meant to be compared not conflated.

I’m not answering about your Muslim friend because a parent not wanting to see their daughter’s naked boob (you see where the nudity comes into it) is entirely different to prejudice.

😂😂😂😂😂

Yes and yours was a TERRIBLE analogy because nobody is nude when breastfeeding. Although I’m still waiting to hear who got naked to breastfeee?

It’s very comparable. “Not wanting to see your daughter’s naked boob” is a pathetic discomfort steeped in misogyny and over sexualisation of breasts the same way the Muslim analogy is steeped in racism.

I haven’t been brainwashed by anyone. I don’t care how people feed their babies - love that your interpretation of my feelings on the matter is so wide of the mark though!!!

I don’t even see adverts for baby formula or read anything about it because I do t have children. As a marketer myself, I am also extremely sceptical of anything promotional or PR material I read.

You on the other hand are drunk on the breast is best Kool Aid. Baby killers??? You sound unhinged and judgemental. Babies need to be fed - end of story.

Surely every breastfeeding mother need to remove a breast from their clothing, or do babies suckle through a bra and t-shirt in your experience?

I haven’t been brainwashed by anyone

Hahahahha

Dont kid yourself. Of course you have. You’ve been brainwashed to believe above all breasts are sexual. Who do you think did that?

I don’t even see adverts for baby formula or read anything about it because I do t have children

Oh I LOVE it when people say they don’t succumb to marketing. We all do. And the war against breastfeeding is about so much more than seeing adverts.

Baby killers??? You sound unhinged and judgemental. Babies need to be fed - end of story.

Nope not unhinged. Do a bit of research of Nestle

That’s not nudity though is it. It’s breastfeeding. It’s not the same

Can I ask what you think breastfeeding looks like? I bet you’ve seen it loads and not even realised.

Snort. Have you not ever been in the vicinity of a breastfeeding woman. I suggest you try it. You may be astonished by the lack of ‘nudity’.

As a first time mum to a 4 month old, who is exclusively breastfed, I would say that breastfeeding in the early days is so, so hard. Trying to get the position right, the latch, the back pain, the neck pain, the cluster feeding, sleeping in 30 minute increments, being the only one responsible for baby being fed etc. I can go on and on and on and on. The only reason I am still breastfeeding is because I paid for a private midwife/lactation consultant who stressed to my DH and my family how important it is to get BF right in the early days. She gave me the confidence I needed really.

Other people's discomfort doesn't matter.

That baby getting breastmilk is THE most important thing. Felling shamed and faffing around with crappy covers because your mother is a prude will not help. Small shit like that adds up and is how women end up formula feeding when they didn't want to.

You need to get tough. Ignore everyone. A lot of people have a lot of opinions about caring for small babies. Stand your ground.

BUT I wouldn't say anything now. Let her go on about whatever. Practice ignoring shitty comments because once you are a parent, there will be a lot more of them coming.

Actually not necessarily alot of breastfeeding clothing you simply unhook and do a side zip or 1 up and 1 down method with tops or undo one or two buttons.......you don't need to remove a breast from clothing you simply open the section of clothing.

Breastfeeding is not getting naked it's feeding a baby.

An exposed breast is a naked breast. It is nudity irrespective of what the purpose it.

Of course I’ve seen women breastfeeding. Some expose more of themselves than others. Irrespective of what you or I think, that poster’s mother didn’t want to see it in her house and a daughter should have respected her boundaries.

From breastfeeding 2 children can categorically say you see more "exposed breasts" at your local leisure centre.

Nobody goes oh look my baby needs a feed let me take my top off and sit there without a top on whilst out and about.

If you manage to get a eye of a nipple between a baby latching on and a baby finishing a feed then you are staring very hard at a women's breasts which is a bit weird!