Breastfeeding comment

[PregnantAtLast]

I'm currently 2 months pregnant. Shared the good news with parents over Christmas, all lovely.

I told my mum I'd be breastfeeding when she asked. She said "Oh, will you be getting one of those shawls like your cousin had?"
(Basically to cover myself and the baby when I am feeding).

It made me feel really uncomfortable that she expects me to cover myself feeding my child in my own family home.

AIBU to push back on this and insist on feeding how I want to, or do I need to respect her wishes when I'm in her home?

I wouldn't go with a cover on the basis that they are absolute pain in arse plus you might have a baby who is down right outraged at having one on them which makes it even more tricky. Once you get the hang of it, it's really easy to feed subtly.

Hopefully your Mum will be able to get over her uncomfortable feelings about boobs. I would stick to your guns, you decide if you want to use a cover or not.

And an exposed hand is a naked hand. So what. The two are no different. Especially when it comes to feeding

No one should have to respect the boundaries of a bigoted half wit.

Breastfeeding in your own mother’s house is not “treating her like shit” FFS.

lots of babies won’t tolerate a cover. If your mum wants to see you and baby she will have to learn to deal with whatever way you decide to feed. Otherwise she doesn’t see you.

I used to wear these under an open shirt, Asda do them too, if I was out in the very early days ds was a pain to latch so I used to throw a giant muslin over my shoulder just to protect my modesty when he pulled off and I needed to relatch him.

Oh yes, the stock response of the MN poster: Do what I say or you won't get to see the baby. So mature.
I do wonder how these people - who seem hellbent on showing everyone that they are in charge of everyone else and having a baby seems to have bestowed some sort of elevated status upon them - will have any regets when they are past the tiny baby stage and have alienated everyone?
I am outraged at some of the posts on here, tbh, and am staggered that a large contingent seem to think their feelings, desires and wants absolutely trump everyone else's, even the person who is hosting you.
The arrogance, selfishness and sheer rudeness is breathtaking.
And this is progress?

Nobody needs to do anything that nuclear. Nor is it entitled or anything else to just crack with breastfeeding whereever and whenever required.

The OP's mum's squeamishness is just silly. It doesn't need to be called out or anything else. It just needs to be cheerily ignored as the nonsense it is.

If the mum chooses to remain mortally offended by something so innocuous that's her choice.

I’d respect her wishes in her home, yes.

As would most sensible people.
However - if you read through ths thread - there are many pps happy to drive a horse and cart through any relationship if the other party does not agree to what they want, with an emotive side helping of starving babies and PTSD thrown in for good measure.
Not wanting to see someone's boobs also means you are a cunt, apparently.
Madness.

Fighting misogyny is progressive IMO. Now is shitting breastfeeding women out progressive exactly?

Excuse me? Can you explain how expecting visitors to your home to respect your wishes is 'shitting breastfeeding women out'?

I’m guessing misogyny comes into it 😂

That seems to be the rallying cry for riding roughshod over your parents’ feelings.

Do you think any rule or belief held by your parents should be respected no matter how bizarre/ unreasonable / regressive / offensive it is?

I’m really surprised by all the posters who seem to think people’s ‘rules’ in their own homes take precedence over literally everything else no matter how daft.

I visited my aunt in the early weeks of new motherhood. My cousin had a baby a similar age. She bottle fed, I breastfed. My cousin was allowed to sit at the dining table and feed her baby while chatting, eating etc. I was shown into the front room, my aunt drew all the curtains and I was shut in by myself, in the dark. Baby fed for over an hour. I didn’t visit again. It was bizarre, it was rude, it made me uncomfortable, it felt like I was a pariah. But her house her rules? Who cares about how the guest feels or how regressive and misogynistic it is to segregate a woman for breastfeeding.

I’m pleased to say most people weren’t like that, and I found feeding in public pretty easy and non-judgmental for the most part. Even my local rugby club didn’t bat an eyelid when I was there supporting my husband and feeding baby.

The OP will lose precisely nothing by avoiding a "mother" who makes her uncomfortable breastfeeding. Post-partum period is a stressful time for many new mums and you need to surround yourself with people who support you, not people who will sneer at your choices, make things difficult for you and actively work against your parenting decisions.

The only person who’d be driving a horse and cart through the relationship is the mother who’s such a that puts her own “discomfort” (which like it or not IS driven by misogyny) about breastfeeding over that of her daughter and grandchild. I can only imagine the horrible kind of narcissist who thinks this is acceptable

Not wanting to see someone's boobs also means you are a cunt, apparently

Who has said this? Can you point it out please?

You’re excused.

Autocorrcet fail - meant to say shutting. And yes asking a breastfeeding mother to cover up or leave the room is shutting her out. I personally don’t think people “discomforts” and sensibilities born from misogyny trump everything else, so I would fully expect a grown woman who’s had babies herself, and presumably doesn’t get triggered by other bits of skin, to woman up and get over it.

Again, if you don’t feel comfortable with BF that’s fine but atleast own that you’re part of a misogynistic mindset. Rather than claiming it’s about “nudity”.

She has simply asked a question based on seeing someone else do it this way. I think jumping to conclusions and taking umbrage before the baby even arrives is a bit odd.

But it IS misogynistic

I can’t believe you would claim otherwise

Let’s break it down…

what is your problem with breastfeeding (royal ‘you’)?

Feeding babies? Can’t be. You don’t want to throw a blanket over a bottle fed baby

The skin of the breast? Can’t be. You see skin every day and don’t start getting offended

The nipple? Can’t be. You don’t even see the nipple anyway, the baby’s head covers it, but even so unless you never go swimming or on holiday by principle of nipples offend you, then you can’t be offended by it.

Whats left to consider?

ill tell you what’s left - you’ve been raised in a society that tells you women’s “tits” are more pleasure - male pleasure. And are therefore sexual. Therefore using “tits” for someone who isn’t a man is a sexual act. You equate breastfeeding with a sexual act. Which frankly makes you a bit of a weirdo, and you probably need to keep away from kids yourself.

It seems to me that this generation of mothers seem to genuinely think they are the first women to have ever had babies and the first generation to breastfeed.
They are not, I'm afraid. But they are evidently the first generation of women who seem to have no qualms about putting themselves first at the expense of everyone else and being quite abusive to those who don;t agree with their world view.
So yes, shut everyone out who doesn't run around at your every whim and do as you say.
Just be ready for the same to happen to you in 20+ years time.

@Nomnomnew
OP’s mother hasn’t actually asked her to sit alone in a darkened room for an hour while feeding her baby though.

She suggested a shawl so she and OP’s dad wouldn’t feel uncomfortable on seeing her breasts. OP sees breastfeeding as entirely natural and or course it is, but her parents aren’t completely comfortable and this is their home. It’s often very easy to feed discreetly with a small baby anyway, though harder as they get older. I don’t see why you’d want to make people uncomfortable if you don’t have to.

ill tell you what’s left - you’ve been raised in a society that tells you women’s “tits” are more pleasure - male pleasure. And are therefore sexual. Therefore using “tits” for someone who isn’t a man is a sexual act. You equate breastfeeding with a sexual act. Which frankly makes you a bit of a weirdo, and you probably need to keep away from kids yourself.

This is just complete nonsense.

Oh but but…my house and dIsComfoRt

I have to say “discomfort” is often used as an excuse to discriminate against people and this shouldn’t be enabled. Most normal people would tell children that discomfort is part of life, and to deal with it, but middle aged women must be pandered to at the expense of a new mum and baby? I mean if you wanna live like that, that’s on you, but some of us aren’t total pricks and choose to be decent humans instead

🙄 why are you making it a generational thing or making out women are being selfish by just wanting to feed their babies, in the natural, biologically intended way, without being judged? What is so wrong about wanting to breastfeed without other people being weird about it?

The fact is, yes, lots of people ARE weird about breastfeeding. But that’s a them problem and a wider societal issue. That HAS to change. Lots of people generations ago would have been uncomfortable with gay men or lesbians holding hands in public too. Thankfully, by challenging that, we’ve moved on.

Wanting to feed their baby is “putting themselves first”? Right-o.

As an aside our own mothers and grandmothers wouldn’t have faced such “discomfort” from others, because breasts weren’t always as sexualised and public breastfeeding was the norm.

I mean it’s one way to silence women I guess. “STFU you’re not a Princess” to women who simply wanna feed their kid. I rather admire the new generation of women who no longer stand for sexist nonsense. You call that entitled because there’s clearly heaps of inter lakes misogyny going on there.

Of course it’s not nonsense.

Why do you think “discomfort” at public BF is a relatively new thing? Take a guess. Because they certainly weren’t using shawls pre-formula.