From the Op it feels like a powerplay on the Op's part. She knows the last few times he hasn't wanted to get out of the front, so she states she has to go in the front and repeated it to make sure they knew. Why didn't she say "lovely - I'll meet you there" if she knew he wouldn't want to move?
Yes, it's more comfortable in the front. Maybe that's why he wants to be in the front. He may not be able to articulate why it's more comfortable, but maybe he also doesn't want to be in discomfort on a journey he has no choice in going on.
I only realised as an adult why I always travelled badly as a child and normally ended up with a headache - it was because df hated stopping so I didn't drink on the day we travelled because I hated needing the loo and having to ask, because he always made a fuss. So I got dehydrated, which is one of my (and a lot of other people's) triggers for migraines.
I didn't know why I felt awful when travelling, just that I hated travelling. If I'd been able to put two and two together and calmly had gone to df and explained he would almost certainly have been very apologetic and made sure we stopped (probably more than necessary) but I didn't know. Just I hated journeys and I didn't know how to explain that.
@SkiingonKaraSea
Parents awaiting assessment of ADHD are those who are finding traditional parenting techniques are not working, whose schools find these children don’t respond to usual discipline methods and can see it is not simply lacks parenting. These are generally parents at the end of their tether and often unhappy children too.
This is very true. Before ds was diagnosed, there were times where we knew it was easier to arrange something round him, but if we did something that made it easier, people would say we were spoiling him and he'd always expect to get things his way.
Once he was diagnosed, (as a teen) we did have a long talk with him about it not being an excuse, but a reason that we knew we needed to sometimes make adjustments, but also he knew that he had to work harder at certain things, and that there would still be times he still needed to be able to fit in with what were asked.
For example, his discomfort in clothes meant that sometimes it was better for everyone's peace to say to him "yes, wear shorts and t-shirt" rather than insist he wore shirt, tie and trousers, which matched in with everyone else.
There might be other times when I said to him that the clothes were non-negotiable, and he would have worn the full regalia with only an eye roll.
It did mean sometimes we sounded like we were just excusing bad behaviour, but actually by not pushing on the times it could be excused it meant that firstly he would cope when it was really necessary because he knew his comfort was considered.
We also knew that if we were asking him to compromise his comfort in one way, then he may not be able to cope with other things on top.
So, for example, at MIL's funeral I said to him he could wear shorts, but I'd like him to wear a shirt. He did that without any fuss (although fil wore jeans so maybe even that wasn't necessary!) but I let him sit in the car after he'd been at the wake for about 20 minutes, because he'd reached his max on crowds (especially crowds who he'd never met before that wanted to talk to him and tell him (again) how like df he is!!), emotions and clothing!
Before his diagnosis, I'd have probably felt that he had to stay and talk, to be polite, and he'd probably have spent all the time after about 10 minutes simmering in the corner asking if we could please go.
But because he'd been able to have that break, after he'd been in the car about half an hour he, without being asked, came back in. So a bit of compromise on my part meant a much less stressful time for him and me, and that he also behaved, off his own bat, very well.
When you have a child with extra needs, it can be a case of compromising round them. And ADHD/ASD etc are comorbid with conditions that can mean they're less comfortable - hypermobility for example. Ds finds holding a pen incredibly uncomfortable. That was something I got in his report from the diagnosis. I thought he just hated writing because it was work. :)
If the son has suspected ADHD, there's a higher chance he has other comorbid conditions. With ds, I went to the GP to ask about ADHD assessment. But when they assessed him for that, they came back and said ASD looked higher so they'd assess him for that first. And only once he'd got the diagnosis for ASD did they go back and look at ADHD - which he also has.