To think of you're going to answer questions with "yeah.." or "no...." At a social event, then fuck offfff

[fanaticalfairy]

Why bother coming out to meet people if you can't even engage in basic conversations with people who are all there to get to know each other?
We were out for a birthday brunch this morning with about 20 people, some we knew, some we didn't as it was for a mutual friend (Graham)
Me .. spying someone unfamiliar at our table..."hi, I'm Fairy, what's your name?
Him: "John "
Me: "great. How you know Graham "
John: " through a friend, Steve"
Me: "oh, yes I know Steve, he's lovely, how do you know Steve?
John" work'
Me: "So, what do you do with Steve?"
John: "Software engineer"
Me: "great what kind of thing? Im a software engineer too..."
John: "Nothing interesting....'
Me: "Oh... Ok. So ... Got any holidays booked?"
John: "No."Tumble weed

"Ok, lovely to meet you ... I'll go and see Graham is okay "

Ugh

I'd much rather meet you at a party, @fanaticalfairy , than the likes of John... come and sit by me, we'll have a good natter and maybe find out something interesting about each other!

Some men - not all men! - never think to ask woman a question about herself... I remember Lynn Barber interviewing Nigella Lawson on a train and a bloke sitting nearby struck up a 'conversation' with them which was him yakking totally about himself and not asking one thing about them...

Part of being a good guest is making an effort to get on with the other guests and create a jolly atmosphere. I’m with OP. You don’t have to be a star conversationalist but you should at least try to be pleasant and keep the conversation going.

If I ever ask that it's mostly "nothing".

Sometimes it will be met with a smile and a "oh I'm reading x, have you read it?"

Occasionally a "ah, nothing right now, but I did read blah in holiday. I should read more"

Hahaha, he's a SWE, presume you’ve met them before 😂

Why is it 'awful conversation' to ask someone what they do for a living?

Some people are socially awkward. Hope that helps.

Personally if this was my event I wouldn't find someone turning up and being unwilling to make the effort to respond to people at all supportive.

I would be friends with you, OP.

Anyway, still waiting for good icebreakers.
I have noticed people are offended by EVERYTHING these days.

It's called making conversation. What on earth do you like to speak to strangers about?

If you're only there for friend whose birthday it is and have no interest in talking to anyone else, then just arrange to meet them separately, one to one, at another time. Don't go to an event where there are 20 people and decide not to talk to other people. If I'm not feeling sociable - for any reason or no reason at all - I don't go out and, you know, socialise.

I disagree.

I’ve never felt the need to ask someone what they do for a living unless the event called for it (networking/job fair) and definitely not at a birthday celebration.

If someone wanted me to know what they did, they would tell me themselves.

I wouldn’t have asked how he knew, Steve. I would have said how I know Steve

Either he would have done the same or just gave me a one word answer. Latter, would have left it at that.

Autistic person here - the OP's attempts at striking up a conversation with an unfamiliar person read as 'correct procedure' to me, as does her giving up when John didn't bother with more than 2 word replies.

If OP's approach is that bad, please could someone explain what a better approach would be? Thanks 😁

I do think there’s been a decline in social skills since the pandemic.

With some people it’s like trying to get blood out of a stone. Just stay home if you don’t want to engage at all, so rude.

I did...

Like "oh how do you know Graham.... Oh and what is it you do with Steve. Right here...?"

Every other person happily engaged "properly" and asked questions back and told stories of Graham etc and how they went here once and had X on the menu and it was amazing etc...

They even didn't get upset when I asked them what they did for a living... They told me they're a it tech and how they were putting in some specific equipment for a company and we chatted quite a bit about that and discovered we both had worked at the same place at different times and how we both knew the same person etc etc, had a good old chin wag.

Poor old John though, sat in the corner quietly. 🤷‍♀️

Im socially inept so I do things like overshare about my latest obsession. I might start by telling them about the 100s of hours I spent building my latest cosplay. Kindred spirits will feed off of that and jump right in. They might tell me about if they like cosplay, if they watched that show or another one, if they like cons, or about their own hobby. In the process, we will actually know something real about the other person as opposed to something bland that might some up on a CV.

to be honest, I don’t get on well with most people because most want to stick to the CV, the weather, sport, and reality tv.

OP’s approach is completely fine.

Ok what would you prefer? Since apparently every question is offensive and the only polite thing to do is stare at your plate.

Really? You've never once spoken about work with anyone else ever at any situation?

Not once did John ask you a single question. Which is common courtesy. He could've said , I know Graham through Steve, what about you?
But he didn't.

But OP is also a software engineer so must be used to introverts.

Sounds like a nornmal conversation to me. I'm going to a NYE gathering later - usually people we only see at this person's house once a year or so, but often there are people that come more sporadically or we haven't met before. Convo will go along the lines of how do you know Host/what do you do for work/have you got kids/how are the kids (if we know they have kids)/are you local to the area (most of us are), etc.
If there's no connection, just move on as you did (and rightly so).
I hate sit down events when you're forced to sit next to someone for two hours who you have nothing in common with or doesn't talk. I much prefer it when the person I'm talking to is chatty - puts me at ease or I'm on edge with a monosyllabic person.

Not all software engineers are introverts. That's a poor excuse.

I was having exactly the same moan to my DH after my work Christmas do. Was stuck at a table with 6 other people, 3 of which barely said anything at all. Why did they bother coming out??

It sounds as if you made a friendly attempt to involve him in the conversation, and he chose not to (or lacked the social skills to) engage. We've all been stuck beside people like that at weddings and if you can't move away it is a nightmare, but if you can or there are other people to chat to, I wouldn't think any more about it.

I wouldn't like a situation where people had to achieve a grade C or higher in Vivacious Chat to attend social functions. Especially because many vivacious chatters are just as tedious in their own way.