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AIBU?

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Original poster

To think of you're going to answer questions with "yeah.." or "no...." At a social event, then fuck offfff

1000 replies

fanaticalfairy · 31/12/2024 16:06

Why bother coming out to meet people if you can't even engage in basic conversations with people who are all there to get to know each other?
We were out for a birthday brunch this morning with about 20 people, some we knew, some we didn't as it was for a mutual friend (Graham)
Me .. spying someone unfamiliar at our table..."hi, I'm Fairy, what's your name?
Him: "John "
Me: "great. How you know Graham "
John: " through a friend, Steve"
Me: "oh, yes I know Steve, he's lovely, how do you know Steve?
John" work'
Me: "So, what do you do with Steve?"
John: "Software engineer"
Me: "great what kind of thing? Im a software engineer too..."
John: "Nothing interesting....'
Me: "Oh... Ok. So ... Got any holidays booked?"
John: "No."Tumble weed

"Ok, lovely to meet you ... I'll go and see Graham is okay "

Ugh

OP posts:
Nerdlings · 31/12/2024 16:22

"what do you do" is quite a rude and tactless question to me.

I used to get questions like that from DH's friends who are all in high earning jobs, It made me feel inferior when answering that I was a SAHM.

It does seem you just asked him a stream of questions tbh, and didn't pick up on the social que that he just didn't want to talk to you.

Philandbill · 31/12/2024 16:22

username299 · 31/12/2024 16:15

I know what you mean, it's like pulling teeth. Some people either don't have very good social skills, suffer from anxiety or simply don't give a toss.

This exactly. Plus some people are just downright rude. And some are like a conversational black hole, whatever you lob in disappears without trace. You did well OP to try OP, I'd welcome you to a social gathering I was hosting.

Lentilweaver · 31/12/2024 16:23

I went to a birthday brunch where I knew only the host and none of the other 15 people. I chatted to all asking them how they knew the host, whether they were local, and what they did. All were quite pleasant and chatty so I am pretty sure neither OP nor I have done anything wrong.
Better than staring balefully at everyone.

irregularegular · 31/12/2024 16:23

Oh, I don't know. I don't think your questions were at all unreasonable - they were not an interrogation. But at the same time, maybe he just takes a bit longer to relax and warm up with someone. That chat would have taken less than a minute. It's not long. Defintely very harsh to say "don't bother coming out to meet people!" based on that.

UndermyShoeJoe · 31/12/2024 16:23

I mean he was giving pretty clear signals he didn’t want to engage in full conversation with you. Doesn’t mean he wouldn’t chat someone else’s ear off.

Gwenhwyfar · 31/12/2024 16:24

"They should just stay at home or face the wall 😅😂😂😂😂"

A few years ago, it was NYE. I really didn't want to go out. I'd had a few years of really awful NYEs and I had decided not to celebrate them any more, but I got 'go on, go on, go on' from a friend who argued I'd feel better once I was out. So I made it to her place for a few drinks before going to the party. She had another friend there who later told her I was the moodiest person she'd ever met. Well, yes, I didn't want to go out and was pressurised into it!

So maybe he was having a bad day!

Original poster
fanaticalfairy · 31/12/2024 16:25

BustyMcgoober · 31/12/2024 16:08

Gosh, why are you interrogating people? Do you have no social skills at all?

It's trying to make conversation...

OP posts:
Original poster
fanaticalfairy · 31/12/2024 16:25

Catza · 31/12/2024 16:10

A birthday brunch is not an event where people plan to get to know each other. It's an event to celebrate Graham. Based on your interrogation tactic, I am not sure I would want to engage in a conversation with you either.

So what would you have asked them to try and engage them?

OP posts:
CatSkillo · 31/12/2024 16:26

MN is very much not the place for this- half the people on here won’t answer the front door without an application being made in triplicate so of course they’re going to find attempts at conversation intimidating 😂

Original poster
fanaticalfairy · 31/12/2024 16:26

Nerdlings · 31/12/2024 16:22

"what do you do" is quite a rude and tactless question to me.

I used to get questions like that from DH's friends who are all in high earning jobs, It made me feel inferior when answering that I was a SAHM.

It does seem you just asked him a stream of questions tbh, and didn't pick up on the social que that he just didn't want to talk to you.

Edited

Not really, it's fairly standard to ask what someone does for a living...

OP posts:
Gwenhwyfar · 31/12/2024 16:26

Nerdlings · 31/12/2024 16:22

"what do you do" is quite a rude and tactless question to me.

I used to get questions like that from DH's friends who are all in high earning jobs, It made me feel inferior when answering that I was a SAHM.

It does seem you just asked him a stream of questions tbh, and didn't pick up on the social que that he just didn't want to talk to you.

Edited

What do you do is a completely normal question.
I get why some people don't like it and I've also been in that situation when I used to socialise with snobby people, but it really is totally normal and you'll find it's not a question you dread when you feel good about yourself and hang around with nice people.

AMurderofMurderingCrows · 31/12/2024 16:26

CatSkillo · 31/12/2024 16:26

MN is very much not the place for this- half the people on here won’t answer the front door without an application being made in triplicate so of course they’re going to find attempts at conversation intimidating 😂

😂😂😂 so true

Lentilweaver · 31/12/2024 16:27

@Nerdlings I have also been an SAHM. That sense of inferiority is ours to cope with, frankly.

I dont ask about people's relationships or children or salaries.

ShadowsOfTheDays · 31/12/2024 16:27

Guessed he was a software engineer before I got to that part of your post 😁

Original poster
fanaticalfairy · 31/12/2024 16:27

Nerdlings · 31/12/2024 16:22

"what do you do" is quite a rude and tactless question to me.

I used to get questions like that from DH's friends who are all in high earning jobs, It made me feel inferior when answering that I was a SAHM.

It does seem you just asked him a stream of questions tbh, and didn't pick up on the social que that he just didn't want to talk to you.

Edited

Well, not really. I didn't just press on and on... I left him to it after realising he was not going to talk about how we both knew the host and his friend and had similar interests ...

OP posts:
Gggglinda · 31/12/2024 16:28

Some people are quite introverted and struggle to make small talk with strangers. There could be number of reasons he didn't want to engage. I'm not sure why you're so pressed a stranger didn't want to interact with you. He went to show up for his friend, and that's fine.

RayKray · 31/12/2024 16:28

I'm autistic. I don't get how to do small talk. I can switch on and follow a script but it's not much fun. Sometimes I like to go out to support a friend who has asked me to. It doesn't mean I want to make small talk with randoms. It's totally fine to go off and talk to someone else who enjoys small talk and leave me be. I'm happy by myself. Or I might luck out and find someone else neurodivergent and then we have the best conversations cos our communication styles match. Or I could just go all in and counter your small talk with my info dumping but I've learnt not everyone enjoys that, in the same way not everyone enjoys small talk. It's ok for people to communicate differently.

catlovingdoctor · 31/12/2024 16:28

Nerdlings · 31/12/2024 16:22

"what do you do" is quite a rude and tactless question to me.

I used to get questions like that from DH's friends who are all in high earning jobs, It made me feel inferior when answering that I was a SAHM.

It does seem you just asked him a stream of questions tbh, and didn't pick up on the social que that he just didn't want to talk to you.

Edited

How on earth is it rude? It's taking an interest in what someone else does.

Original poster
fanaticalfairy · 31/12/2024 16:28

mollymazda · 31/12/2024 16:21

jesus.. the poor man! just because you are full of confidence and happy to approach complete strangers and start an inquisition into their lives, doesn't mean everyone is like that!

back off, have a chat, and when its clear this person doesn't want to engage, move on!

... I did...

OP posts:
katter · 31/12/2024 16:28

There might have been any reason why he didn't want to talk: social anxiety, had a headache, someone dumped him, your voice was annoying, etc.
You go to a birthday for the host, meeting new people is a byproduct.
And I think it's more to be badgering someone when they've made it clear they didn't want a conversation.

MuddlingMackem · 31/12/2024 16:28

YABU and showing your lack of social skills.

Some people, including me, are happy to have full on conversations with randoms I'll never see again, but many aren't. Vive la difference! Learn to pick up on social cues from those who don't want to chat and move on to those who do.

Blimey, it's not all about you!

Nerdlings · 31/12/2024 16:29

fanaticalfairy · 31/12/2024 16:26

Not really, it's fairly standard to ask what someone does for a living...

Show quote history

Just because lots of people ask it doesn't mean it isn't rude and a bit tactless. It makes some people feel a bit shit when asked this just a couple of minutes into a conversation.

catlovingdoctor · 31/12/2024 16:30

OP it sounds like you really tried! Don't let it put you off trying to engage others in conversation.

Lentilweaver · 31/12/2024 16:30

There is a woman in a book club I run like this.
She won't express an opinion on the book ever
She won't suggest any other books
She refuses to respond to any chit chat like where she lives, local or further.
She just totally blanks everyone with an angry stare.

I really wonder why she comes but I have stopped trying to include her.

Original poster
fanaticalfairy · 31/12/2024 16:31

Conkersinautumn · 31/12/2024 16:16

You sound like you need to learn some ice breakers.

...such as...?

OP posts:
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