Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. Flexible and made to last.

Meet the Other Phone.
Flexible and made to last.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think of you're going to answer questions with "yeah.." or "no...." At a social event, then fuck offfff

1000 replies

fanaticalfairy · 31/12/2024 16:06

Why bother coming out to meet people if you can't even engage in basic conversations with people who are all there to get to know each other?
We were out for a birthday brunch this morning with about 20 people, some we knew, some we didn't as it was for a mutual friend (Graham)
Me .. spying someone unfamiliar at our table..."hi, I'm Fairy, what's your name?
Him: "John "
Me: "great. How you know Graham "
John: " through a friend, Steve"
Me: "oh, yes I know Steve, he's lovely, how do you know Steve?
John" work'
Me: "So, what do you do with Steve?"
John: "Software engineer"
Me: "great what kind of thing? Im a software engineer too..."
John: "Nothing interesting....'
Me: "Oh... Ok. So ... Got any holidays booked?"
John: "No."Tumble weed

"Ok, lovely to meet you ... I'll go and see Graham is okay "

Ugh

OP posts:
PTSDBarbiegirl · 01/01/2025 21:38

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

TwigletsAndRadishes · 01/01/2025 22:27

Kangarude · 01/01/2025 19:45

I’m not lonely, I have plenty of friends and I’ve never been left out at work.
I don’t need to get to know anyone or make new friends.
i’m simply there to see the host. I probably wouldn’t stay for the full time, just long enough to see the host

I don’t have autism and I’m not socially awkward. I am happy to answer when someone knocks on my my door.

I would speak to others present, to say hello or pass a few pleasantries, but I don’t want a barrage of questions from a stranger

Show quote history

Surely you understand the difference between polite small talk and someone trying to engage you in harmless conversation for the sake of a nice atmosphere at the party and 'a barrage of questions from a stranger' though?

A man coming up to you at a bus stop and asking if you are a virgin, how much you earn and who you vote for is a stranger asking a barrage of questions.

Not this.

TwigletsAndRadishes · 01/01/2025 22:45

peacockbluefeather · 01/01/2025 09:43

It's such a bizarre thread. "John" attends a work colleague's "birthday brunch" and gets stuck next to some woman who thinks she's at a networking event and bombards him with dull questions, none of which she is actually interested in knowing the answers to, and when he tries to fend her off with his dull, brief replies, she show her true agenda by getting the hump when he doesn't reciprocate by asking any dull questions about her.

Why bother coming out to meet people if you can't even engage in basic conversations with people who are all there to get to know each other?

People at a birthday brunch are not there to "get to know each other". It's not speed dating. They are there to celebrate their friend/work colleague/relative's birthday, or to show polite interest in their friend/colleague/relative.

Edited

Yeah, right. We all go along to parties and lunches only ever expecting to converse directly with the host and ONLY the host, acting like it's completely normal and accepable to ignore all the other guests. 😂

What bloody strange parties you must go to. And that poor host. They'd be run absolutely ragged trying to speak to each person individually while no-one speaks to anyone else at all.

God there are some weirdos on MN. There really are.

Thatcastlethere · 01/01/2025 22:58

JassyRadlett · 01/01/2025 19:32

But it's not just how you recieve communications. It's your assumptions about motives - you have decided these people are false and have malign intent, and you don't appear to be open to the idea that your assumption may be incorrect.

Show quote history

But they are false? At least for the OP. If she actually cared about John she'd want to understand why he was like that and have more compassion.. she doesn't care about John at all she just wanted to be asked questions back so she could talk about herself as talking makes her feel at ease obviously.

Jumpingthruhoops · 01/01/2025 22:59

Interrogation!? Blimey, these responses are wild.
Asking someone at a party their name, how they know others at said party and what they do for work is basic, entry level conversation.
Explains why so many people have ZERO social skills these days...

JudgeJ · 01/01/2025 23:04

Lentilweaver · 31/12/2024 16:10

I knew you would get responses like this.
Interrogation?
It's called conversation.
Not on MN though where everyone us terrified of speaking to strangers and hates everybody.
I agree with you, OP.

It wasn't a conversation, if the OP had wanted a conversation then don't ask a stream of closed questions! OP asked for information and got it!

Jumpingthruhoops · 01/01/2025 23:04

PineConeOrDogPoo · 31/12/2024 16:11

Sounds like hard work, but Software engineers tend to be on the more introverted, quieter side? Maybe more interested in observing/listening.
If you like lively back and forth, you'll have to move on to another personality type.

Confidence is a fundamental ingredient to being able to get on in life. Everyone should be capable of basic 'back and forth'.

JudgeJ · 01/01/2025 23:06

Jumpingthruhoops · 01/01/2025 22:59

Interrogation!? Blimey, these responses are wild.
Asking someone at a party their name, how they know others at said party and what they do for work is basic, entry level conversation.
Explains why so many people have ZERO social skills these days...

They were closed questions, the OP could have made an effort to develop the person's answer rather than ploughing on with more.

PeppyGreenFinch · 01/01/2025 23:07

JudgeJ · 01/01/2025 23:04

It wasn't a conversation, if the OP had wanted a conversation then don't ask a stream of closed questions! OP asked for information and got it!

Show quote history

How are any of the questions closed?

Me: "oh, yes I know Steve, he's lovely, how do you know Steve?
Me: "So, what do you do with Steve?"
Me: "great what kind of thing? Im a software engineer too..."
Me: "Oh... Ok. So ... Got any holidays booked?

Jumpingthruhoops · 01/01/2025 23:07

Kangarude · 31/12/2024 16:14

That conversation would be my idea of hell. If I’ve gone to a brunch for a friend, why would I have to chat with others that I don’t know? Surely it’s sufficient for me to say hello but not have to keep replying to your questions?

Gee, I dunno... maybe people like making new friends?

peacockbluefeather · 01/01/2025 23:20

TwigletsAndRadishes · 01/01/2025 22:45

Yeah, right. We all go along to parties and lunches only ever expecting to converse directly with the host and ONLY the host, acting like it's completely normal and accepable to ignore all the other guests. 😂

What bloody strange parties you must go to. And that poor host. They'd be run absolutely ragged trying to speak to each person individually while no-one speaks to anyone else at all.

God there are some weirdos on MN. There really are.

Edited
Show quote history

No, we go to birthday celebrations with the intent to celebrate the birthday of our friend. Of course we chat with others as the occasion unfolds - but we don't all go along to these things with the intention, as the OP stated in her opening sentence, "to get to know each other".

If we meet someone and hit it off, we might get to know each other. But that is not the reason most of us attend.

And if we encounter someone shy, or reserved, or introverted, or disinterested, we don't ignore their signals and then slag them off to others and say they should have stayed at home.

JassyRadlett · 01/01/2025 23:22

Thatcastlethere · 01/01/2025 22:58

But they are false? At least for the OP. If she actually cared about John she'd want to understand why he was like that and have more compassion.. she doesn't care about John at all she just wanted to be asked questions back so she could talk about herself as talking makes her feel at ease obviously.

Show quote history

I wasn't talking about the OP, but about the blanket statement that people asking questions as part of small talk were not interested in them as a person and their intentions were invariably false.

XenoBitch · 01/01/2025 23:26

Jumpingthruhoops · 01/01/2025 23:04

Confidence is a fundamental ingredient to being able to get on in life. Everyone should be capable of basic 'back and forth'.

Show quote history

But not everyone is. ND, and people with MH issues.
Or should they just stay at home?

Jumpingthruhoops · 01/01/2025 23:26

Plastictrees · 31/12/2024 16:45

I do think there’s been a decline in social skills since the pandemic.

With some people it’s like trying to get blood out of a stone. Just stay home if you don’t want to engage at all, so rude.

100% this! People became very insular and it shows.

Jumpingthruhoops · 01/01/2025 23:47

JudgeJ · 01/01/2025 23:06

They were closed questions, the OP could have made an effort to develop the person's answer rather than ploughing on with more.

Show quote history

None of those were 'closed questions'; closed questions are those that can only return a 'yes/no' answer.

Read them back. It would be even more odd if, when asked 'what's your name?' or 'How do you know Graham?' John had replied: 'Yes!'
They were perfectly open-ended questions, John just didn't want to engage.

Jumpingthruhoops · 01/01/2025 23:50

XenoBitch · 01/01/2025 23:26

But not everyone is. ND, and people with MH issues.
Or should they just stay at home?

Show quote history

I know lots of ND people; they are some of the best conversationalists I know. So that's a bit of a sweeping statement.

BalonzHadASupersoaker · 02/01/2025 06:15

JudgeJ · 01/01/2025 23:06

They were closed questions, the OP could have made an effort to develop the person's answer rather than ploughing on with more.

Show quote history

the OP could have made an effort to develop the person's answer

It sounds like she’s supposed to treat him like a college assignment, but she got told off for asking him basic polite questions for about 30 seconds. It’s all a bit weird.

Original poster
fanaticalfairy · 02/01/2025 08:03

JudgeJ · 01/01/2025 23:06

They were closed questions, the OP could have made an effort to develop the person's answer rather than ploughing on with more.

Show quote history

So what questions should I have asked then...?

OP posts:
PineConeOrDogPoo · 02/01/2025 08:09

Jumpingthruhoops · 01/01/2025 23:04

Confidence is a fundamental ingredient to being able to get on in life. Everyone should be capable of basic 'back and forth'.

Show quote history

Agreed. Maybe he just didn't have it? No reflection on anyone else. Does not mean he can't go to a birthday party and stand around looking, and OP soon realised he wasn't interested. No harm done?

Maskrosen · 02/01/2025 08:11

fanaticalfairy · 02/01/2025 08:03

So what questions should I have asked then...?

Show quote history

You sound very needy.

Newsflash-people differ, aren’t all like you, won’t want to talk about the same things as you and won’t all even like you. That is life.

The mutual friend wanted him there. You didn’t get to hand pick the guests,you need to get over that and maybe learn some resilience and foster some deeper conversation skills if extended conversation is such big deal for you. Holidays wouldn’t have filled me with interest.

HeadNorth · 02/01/2025 08:19

Maskrosen · 02/01/2025 08:11

You sound very needy.

Newsflash-people differ, aren’t all like you, won’t want to talk about the same things as you and won’t all even like you. That is life.

The mutual friend wanted him there. You didn’t get to hand pick the guests,you need to get over that and maybe learn some resilience and foster some deeper conversation skills if extended conversation is such big deal for you. Holidays wouldn’t have filled me with interest.

Show quote history

The OP doesn't sound needy, just fustrated by her encounter with unneccessary curtness in a social situation. If holidays don't interest John, he was free to change the subject.
What do you suggest for 'deeper conversation skills'?

Maskrosen · 02/01/2025 08:21

HeadNorth · 02/01/2025 08:19

The OP doesn't sound needy, just fustrated by her encounter with unneccessary curtness in a social situation. If holidays don't interest John, he was free to change the subject.
What do you suggest for 'deeper conversation skills'?

Show quote history

I’m not the one who wants to develop my skills. I’m a grown woman who can survive a social encounter without the need for chit chat.

Wheelz46 · 02/01/2025 08:23

PineConeOrDogPoo · 02/01/2025 08:09

Agreed. Maybe he just didn't have it? No reflection on anyone else. Does not mean he can't go to a birthday party and stand around looking, and OP soon realised he wasn't interested. No harm done?

Show quote history

No harm done? Have you read the thread title? The OP opinion of someone attending an event who may have social anxiety?

How many people who have social anxiety are going to see this thread, even John himself? So the OP may have kept quiet about it at the time and John was non the wiser (at the time) but then they have come here saying anyone who is unable to communicate at a certain level should stay home and not in a pleasant way!

RobbingBanks · 02/01/2025 08:24

I have had such a laugh reading this thread (OP and her replies only). I love how people on the internet are totally bonkers.

@fanaticalfairy You did fine, you tried and you moved on. Who goes to a party to sit alone and be miserable, unless they were forced there? I am off to a party this weekend and I only know the host. Guess the types of questions I will be asking these strangers?

Maskrosen · 02/01/2025 08:32

RobbingBanks · 02/01/2025 08:24

I have had such a laugh reading this thread (OP and her replies only). I love how people on the internet are totally bonkers.

@fanaticalfairy You did fine, you tried and you moved on. Who goes to a party to sit alone and be miserable, unless they were forced there? I am off to a party this weekend and I only know the host. Guess the types of questions I will be asking these strangers?

Who says he was miserable?

Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.

Join Mumsnet Log In
This thread is not accepting new messages.
Swipe left for the next trending thread