To think of you're going to answer questions with "yeah.." or "no...." At a social event, then fuck offfff

[fanaticalfairy]

Why bother coming out to meet people if you can't even engage in basic conversations with people who are all there to get to know each other?
We were out for a birthday brunch this morning with about 20 people, some we knew, some we didn't as it was for a mutual friend (Graham)
Me .. spying someone unfamiliar at our table..."hi, I'm Fairy, what's your name?
Him: "John "
Me: "great. How you know Graham "
John: " through a friend, Steve"
Me: "oh, yes I know Steve, he's lovely, how do you know Steve?
John" work'
Me: "So, what do you do with Steve?"
John: "Software engineer"
Me: "great what kind of thing? Im a software engineer too..."
John: "Nothing interesting....'
Me: "Oh... Ok. So ... Got any holidays booked?"
John: "No."Tumble weed

"Ok, lovely to meet you ... I'll go and see Graham is okay "

Ugh

Actually yes, if it's a standard question it DOES mean it's not rude or tactless.
Can it upset some people? Yes, it can, but that doesn't mean the question is rude.
Take for example 'how are you?'. That could upset someone with serious health problems, but that's not because the question is rude. It's because it's an issue for them.

I find 'what's your name?' a difficult question because I have a difficult/unusual name and it takes time to explain it. Does that mean people shouldn't ask me? Of course not. It's my issue to deal with.

I get where you're coming from OP. Some people are useless at conversation like this at gatherings, and personally I find it irritating. I don't really care what the reason is; if I am getting a "don't want to talk to you" vibe I just say "Well, nice to meet you, enjoy the brunch (or whatever event it is)" and then move on. There's no point trying to carry on the conversation if they're not into it.

I am with you Fairy; I do 3 strikes and you are out, I ask 3 polite things and if they don't bother asking me anything I move off, it seems more and more common these days for people to have very little social skills.

@RayKray out of curiosity, how would you have answered OP’s questions?

The thing though OP if you hadnt engaged him, he would have been on MN tomorrow complaining about "clicks".

People are always saying no one chats to them at the school gates because everyone is in a " click". But if you do, they say they dont want to chat. You cant win.

Must also admit till I’ve got a few drinks in me in the stand in a corner hiding type. Till I know you I’m the shyest person going.

three glasses of wine and I’ll talk to your granny all night 🤣

I agree, there's no shame in not being able to cope with conversation but then why put yourself in a social situation? Just stay home if you feel like that.

For the friends birthday? Not to make conversation with everyone and their dog

Seriously, why do NT ask such boring questions? No one really wants to know the answers and they don’t spark real conversation.

Some people are just really bad at small talk. A birthday brunch is not a work event where you are networking.

Maybe instead of asking constant questions (which can feel like an interrogation, talk).

The brunch is being held in a hotel. Instead of asking have you stayed here before say something like oh the last time I stayed here we watched the final of x sport. Looks like the team are doing better that season rather than this. He can either comment and say he does not follow the team or chat about it.

I like to chat and get to know knew people but I know that not everybody does.

At a mutual friends birthday party I'm not sure why people would naturally want to know things about you. In fact, id never assume anyone wanted to know anything about me.

Wow! Some people are just plain odd

I can't believe there are people here saying I've no interest talking to anyone other than the 1 person I know at the event & anyone else attempting to make conversation is just wrong & I won't respond

What do you all do at an event like a brunch where presumably everyone is seated around a table the the host/ bitlrthday person may not be next to you / opposite you. Do you sit there in silence. Eyes down chomping your food?

You're invited to these events to help create a festive, happy atmosphere for the birthday person. Not to sit like a morose lump eschewing all attempts at conversation made by the person sitting near you.

Honestly - MN is a parallel universe for me in so many ways

Perhaps he would have felt easier if instead of an interrogation you had offered something

Like "I'm a software engineer "

Oh wow I have never done anything like that, I'm a receptionist myself .."

So what questions do you ask a mutual friend you've never met?

Maybe he was giving one word/short and abrupt answers because he thought you were coming onto him @fanaticalfairy 😬

.

Well, I did give him a bone saying I had the same job...but nope.

What questions would you prefer? For instance I always like to ask everyone what they are reading. But them some people are offended because guess what: they have no time to read.

LOL 😂

So you just want to turn up and sit in silence not talking to anyone? That's weird. And I'm autistic!

YANBU OP, he sounds rude and difficult.

My friend group tend to go with have you seen that new murder documentary on Netflix 😅

😆

It does sound like you pressed on to be fair..

Thats a lot of questions to ask in a short space of time - especially asking if/have they got any holiday plans!

Also just because you both know the host and have similar interests doesn’t mean that he needs to talk to you.

Software engineer you say? I'd have opened with is it still a pie if it only has a lid? Or something about MTBs.

A software engineer not just surprised, but enraged by a software engineer meeting the stereotype for software engineers and people working in IT in general?

<cringes and retreats back to the safety of the glorified cupboard that suffices for IT and Data accommodation>

Agree, asking people what they do is awful conversation. I’d usually talk about something that’s happening in the room or about the venue so it’s not personal.