To think of you're going to answer questions with "yeah.." or "no...." At a social event, then fuck offfff

[fanaticalfairy]

Why bother coming out to meet people if you can't even engage in basic conversations with people who are all there to get to know each other?
We were out for a birthday brunch this morning with about 20 people, some we knew, some we didn't as it was for a mutual friend (Graham)
Me .. spying someone unfamiliar at our table..."hi, I'm Fairy, what's your name?
Him: "John "
Me: "great. How you know Graham "
John: " through a friend, Steve"
Me: "oh, yes I know Steve, he's lovely, how do you know Steve?
John" work'
Me: "So, what do you do with Steve?"
John: "Software engineer"
Me: "great what kind of thing? Im a software engineer too..."
John: "Nothing interesting....'
Me: "Oh... Ok. So ... Got any holidays booked?"
John: "No."Tumble weed

"Ok, lovely to meet you ... I'll go and see Graham is okay "

Ugh

Don't You sound lovely... some people are social introverts. Not everyone is comfortable in social situations. Doesn't mean they shouldn't be included.

You come across a little bullish tbh your whole attitude is kinda off.

They need to rise above their discomfort and do their duty as guests, which is to socialize and add to the pleasant atmosphere. If that's too much effort, they should decline the invitation.

Showing up just to gobble free food and drinks while sitting like a bump on a log is not helpful to the host or honoree.

And for people who are incapable of meeting, rather than unwilling to meet, your (arbitrary) social rules? Should they just never be around people?

People are not performing seals there for the entertainment of other people.

Their only ‘duty’ is to the host and themselves, not randoms who decide they want to ask a succession of questions they don’t have a requirement to answer. Far from ‘sitting like a lump’ someone people are quiet observers. They have as much right to attend an event they’ve been invited to as the ones who want to talk to all and sundry.

Anyone can accept any invitation they choose to and have no obligation to act in any way that’s not who they are just to please people they’ll probably never see again.

JFC the judgement on this thread is unreal

I am asking this out of genuine curiosity and not in some wide eyed faux way, why would a social introvert want to go to this kind of gathering then, one where you don’t know everyone and will probably have to talk to people you don’t know? I genuinely don’t understand. It sounds to me like it must be torture to go. I’m not saying introverted or ND people should all just stay at home before I get jumped on. Far from it. But why put yourself through that rather than say “hey I can’t make it but I’d love to take for coffee and cake The day before” or similar.

Unless this is a joke, I think you’ve just said more about yourself than those making small talk in a social situation.

It's a birthday get together for Graham. So it's for the person with the birthday. John is never going to meet you again most probably so what is the point in him answering your long list of questions? Conversation for these kinds of gatherings are 'the cake is lovely Margaret did you make it?' 'No it's from M&S' then John can say 'yes it's tasty'. Sure if you sit next to someone and you find yourself getting on then that's different but your interrogative style is never going to be a winner.

A birthday brunch is not a networking event, so whilst you may be open and happy to talk to people you don't know, not everyone will be like you.

It sounds like you need to learn to read the room better. It is clear that after asking a couple of questions with one word answers from him that he didn't want to engage in small talk conversation with you, and that's fine.

YABU.

People can suffer from shyness, social anxiety, or any other disorder, which can make it hard for them. I wouldn't be so quick to judge.

Because they'd like not to miss out on things? I struggle with social anxiety but I still like to make an effort when I'm invited to things, as it's horrible feeling alone.

Absolutely. John was there for his Nate’s birthday and probably happy to see a few people he knew for a catch up. That’s absolutely his prerogative to go for his mates, not to make idol chit chat with random strangers.

Ive got a friend who has a birthday lunch every year and invited a few different friendship groups. There’s a couple of women who I’ve seen there several years running who chat amongst themselves and I don’t think I’ve ever exchanged more than a hello to. Why would that bother me or them? I’m there fur my friend and to chat to the ladies I’ve always got on with whereas others keep themselves to themselves. No one under any obligation to be there fur any reason other than for the birthday girl.

How many posts on MN have we seen from women approached by men, who try to engage them in conversation. They give one word answers as they want the man to go away as they perceive him as having a weird vibe or whatever. I have certainly had this experience.

Maybe John was doing just that (but the opposite way round).

I really struggle with small talk with strangers. If someone forces it, I have a physical reaction (I cry.... not as in sobbing, but my eyes stream).

I am surprised that after all that is now mentioned recently about people being introverted, ND etc that there is so little understanding

I don’t like that I can’t do small talk, when I was young it ruined so many social events for me I try and mask it but recently have learnt to accept this is how I land hope others do not give it too much thought

I think it’s actually easier for women as we can be perceived as shy which can be endearing (though have often been called aloof) for men they are labelled as awkward or arrogant

what difference does it make to others who don’t find being in a crowd of people particularly people they haven’t meet challenging

Well, from what I have seen on this thread... introverts and ND folk should stay at home.

I wonder what the comments would have been if it was the other way round and a random man was asking question after question to a woman on her own who was showing clearly she had no interest in engaging? Somewhat different would imagine

If you go to a wedding and are sat on a table of people you don’t know, do you just not talk to them!?

A random man on the bus perhaps but not a man who you were presumably sat next to at a friends birthday brunch? How bizarre

How can you find yourself getting on with someone without them engaging in conversation with you?

Poor guy.

he didn’t fancy talking to a stranger and now she’s bitching about him and his failure to be wooed by her ‘dazzling’ conversation on the internet.

I suspect we would have had the MN classics

’ No’ is a complete sentence

’ Did you mean to be so rude?’

’Thank you for your comments Random Man’

And the good old hard stare…. 🙄

Wow. Within minutes you've got the faux naif "gosh" posts alongside claiming interrogation and let's not forget this man and his diagnosis of social anxiety!

Small talk in a group of people is normal. No wonder people don't have friends when having a normal fucking conversation is treated like something weird and awkward and the person trying to be friendly as some sort of deranged clown.

There's a way to offer a bit of chat without it solely being one word answers.

Trying to initiate conversation you mean?

You're the one ascribing nefarious intent here. Sometimes people just want to engage with others and be social. It is normal behaviour for human beings.

But to answer your question, I'd suspect a woman would have more social nous to be polite and say they were going to talk to whoever over there instead of giving borderline rude responses.

At a party, "the roof is an introduction," ie it is assumed all are there for mutual socializing.

It's not like OP was walking up to a stranger in a restaurant.

#TeamJohn