Who is living life the right way?

[flowergirl24]

Sister A and Sister B met up over the Christmas period. Their lives have gone in different directions and they are both late 30s. They both have 3 DC.

Sister A works 60 hours a week in a stressful job. She manages to take the children swimming at the weekends but they don’t do activities after school during the week. She has invested money in rental houses, and is concentrating on being able to have a better quality of life in the future.

Sister B works 8-10 hours a week. She has ponies and the children enjoy riding after school. She is not focused on a career at all, but does a lot of driving the children to after school activities. Sister B has expensive cars and is living for today, with no concern for the future.

Who is doing life right?

People live their lives to what suits them and their families, for some there are many factors to take into consideration, others minimal.

There is no one size fits all.

All the people saying: "God that sounds exhausting:" do you realise that for some of us it's non negotiable?

Single parents have to work to support their kids. It's not some lifestyle choice or done out of greed.

For the record, I would always have worked even if I didn't have to. I think all things being equal a working mother is a net positive for the mother and the kids and I'm really glad I didn't stop working.

But it really boils my piss when I read screeds from people who are lucky enough not to have to do this throwing up their hands in horror at the prospect of full time working mothers who apparently lack the sensitivity or the critical thinking ability to realise that for a lot of women it isn't a choice.

Read the room a bit...

Sounds like one sister is supporting herself, and the other is kept by someone? each to their own, but how can you even compare the two?

Definetly the middle ground but of the two, i'd pick sister B as the children won't get their childhood back to spend with their parents and they will be able to help support their own finances as adults.

Whilst being left a property would have been a lovely bonus, I will recieve nothing from either parent and am still satisfied so don't think it is worth losing time with the children for that future goal.

Why are you viewing life as a competition?

@Thepeopleversuswork forgive me but have you just contradicted yourself saying people need to to work but you still did when you didn't have to : read the room?

I’d rather be living in person b’s house

@CandlesOrangesRedribbon

No: I'm saying I would have worked even if I didn't have to. I wouldn't have worked a 60 hour week but would have certainly have worked. But the fact remains I didn't have a choice in that I had to become sole breadwinner and that meant working long hours. The sorts of hours which would have a lot of these posters throwing up their hands in horror at the lack of "pottering around the house".

I just find the tone of some of these posts both naive and judgemental. If they're on your own and you have kids, most people have to work: its simple maths. I'm fine with that, it's served me very well and it hasn't harmed my kid, but it wasn't through choice.

No. pp is clearly a single parent who is annoyed by those gasping in horror at a mother working full time because it ‘sounds exhausting’ and they ‘won’t get that time back with the children’ (which is never said to men who work all hours under the sun).

You are clearly sister A wanting us to say that sister B isn't "living the right way". I'm guessing there's some jealousy involved. There is no "right way", they're just different ways of living.

Haven't RTFT but personally I think sister B's life sounds much nicer.

Of course. Women can’t be content with working full time, they must be jealous. 🙄

Why does one or the other have to be “right”?

Surely they are each living the life that works for them and their family.

Personally I would care to live either of their lives. But if they are happy it is none of my business.

It applies to this 2 parent family who are both working so many hours that their children barely see them. If dad worked less hours it wouldn’t be an issue.

sister A isn’t a single parent so all
the posters whining “think of the single mums!” that doesn’t apply here. Both parents have misplaced priorities in family A.

If you start a thread asking who is doing it "right", and go into great detail about how carefree your sister is while giving very specific details of how much you work, I don't think that's someone who couldn't care less.

I work, albeit 4 days a week, always have (edit: always worked FT until kids), and don't pick apart mothers who don't in an attempt for people to justify my choice. Otherwise the OP wouldn't have started a thread and accepted that some parents work, some don't, some do part-time, and all are valid choices.

As many others have said, there's no right/wrong in this situation.

If we're talking about what's better for the kids, possibly Sister B, I guess, in that the kids get to see her more? But there's such a ridiculous amount of over-emphasis placed on after-school activities and ensuring kids are entertained / Doing Something at every single second of the day; I think this results in kids missing the opportunity to be bored. Which might sound ridiculous, but boredom breeds creativity, self-sufficiency, etc.

And on the other hand, the kids of Sister A might be better off in the future, what with Sister A's financial investments (then again: money don't buy you love), and it's probably good for kids to have a maternal role model who works for a living?

If we're talking about what's better for the adults (the sisters), it just totally depends on their personalities, right?! I would be happier with Sister A's lifestyle, because I'm a worker bee. If I have too much time on my hands, then sure, I'll do good things like creative work, seeing friends, chilling, etc. - but I also end up doing stupid pointless things to fill the time, like posting on MumsNet 😂

sister A might have higher outgoings due to nursery costs so might not be financially better off!

Maybe she is sister C. I agree it’s very possible she is sister A due to the details but we don’t know why she started the thread. Hopefully she’ll be back to share why she started the thread but it doesn’t look like it.

My sister would say that Sister A is right (minus the children) and that Sister B is jealous. I’m more in line with B, though wouldn’t say either are ‘right’ per se, but am most definitely not jealous of A.

Who's doing it right?

Whichever one is most contented with their life the way it is.

OP has said that dad does school drop offs and pick ups for the 2 children in school so it sounds like dad does work less hours than Sister A.

I'd rather be A. I'd be bored just pottering around at home waiting for my kids to be home. I love my kids but I'm not going to put my life on hold for them. I like working and the financial security it provides, for me and them. Everyone is different though so it's down to the individual and if there is a partner to support either of the lifestyles.

I think I have a good balance. I attend all school events and WFH part of the week so I'm home atleast for them. My kids also love childcare.

Basically it doesn't matter. It's whatever works for each family at the time.

Somewhere in the middle for me, but everyone is different- neither way is right or wrong.

It appears that B is the one happier with her life because she's not the one driven to posting on here. A is clearly OP.

My personal view is that kids being dropped at nursery at 7.30 and picked up at 5.30 is no way for kids to live - UNLESS parents literally have no choice.

OP, if you are questioning your lifestyle and the impact on your kids, nothing is fixed in stone. Make changes if you need to.

I’m sister A. AMA