Who is living life the right way?

[flowergirl24]

Sister A and Sister B met up over the Christmas period. Their lives have gone in different directions and they are both late 30s. They both have 3 DC.

Sister A works 60 hours a week in a stressful job. She manages to take the children swimming at the weekends but they don’t do activities after school during the week. She has invested money in rental houses, and is concentrating on being able to have a better quality of life in the future.

Sister B works 8-10 hours a week. She has ponies and the children enjoy riding after school. She is not focused on a career at all, but does a lot of driving the children to after school activities. Sister B has expensive cars and is living for today, with no concern for the future.

Who is doing life right?

Why do you think it is good for your youngest child to spend 50 hours a week at nursery? Do you ever really get to see him or her. I could understand a single parent having to do that but the OP or update says you have a DH.

What is your job?

Why are you comparing? Are you unhappy or is it because of something else?

Why did you start the thread? And why not just post the point of it rather than the A and B thing?

A is living the right life for her.
B is living the right life for her.

Personally B sounds a lovely life and I'd hate life A. But others would be the other way round.

It's not a competition; enjoy whichever you want to do. If you're looking at the other and thinking "humph, they shouldn't be enjoying their life, because it's not like mine, which is the right one" the chances are that deep down you are jealous.

But lifestyle A clearly has impact on the care of three children, one of whom is nursery age. If Sister A had been childless I would have no issue with 'live the life that suits you'. But that's not the case here. Sister Bs children clearly have a better lifestyle.

lol ofc you’re sister A, very clear from the OP!

I'd agree that I think normally the lifestyle of sister B would be better for the children as well, but I was only really going at it from the pov of the sisters.

I very much doubt there are children (abuse excepted obviously), of any age, who think "oh, if only my parents worked 50 hours a week, what a wonderful time I would have in child care."

OP’s DH works shorter hours. It’s also hardly unusual for a child to be in full time nursery.

The title of this thread is 'who is living the right life' In my opinion a couple with three children including one of pre school age is not living a 'right' life if the only way to achieve it is for the very young child to spend nearly all their waking hours during the week in the care of others in a nursery setting. Sister B is clearly providing a better life experience for her children.

Why are we supposed to care?

Like you said, that’s just your opinion. It really is going to depend on the person themselves.

Sister B is likely happy to work part time which means she’s happy when she’s with her children. It wouldn’t be a good life experience if they were with a parent who was unhappy and unfulfilled.

You also don’t have to spend every moment with your child to spend happy, quality time with them.

Neither.

There's a happy medium between 'fuck tomorrow, let's live for today' and 'fuck today, all my effort is going towards tomorrow'.

Neither sister has found it.

Da da daaaaaaaaa 😲

Well the youngest is with my DH one day a week, as he can spread his hours out more flexibly. So even though I’m working long hours, she’s with him one day a week.

I’m fortunate that I do get long holidays. We don’t travel in them in much but I do get to spend a lot of time with them then.

Civil servant.

That’s a really good question. I was really happy with my life (well- I suppose apart from working long hours and feeling as though I couldn’t be with my DC after school much). Then I met up with my sister recently over lunch. We don’t get to see each other much and it’s really highlighted how different our lives are now. It has got me thinking about whether I’m doing the right thing or not by my own family.

We are all extremely shocked and surprised! 😂

Did you come out of teaching, then @flowergirl24 ?

Because mumsnet at its best is a place of warmth, understanding and insight. I have found it helpful to bounce ideas, get honest feedback and to help shake your life up a bit if you need to. I wanted some opinions on both situations, and that’s exactly what I received.

It’s very similar with my sister. I work full time in a very senior role, DC’s go to nursery full time and sister is a SAHM. I have 3 DC’s, sister has 2.

Your lives are very different but there’s also more than one way of having a good life and giving DC’s a good life.

Are you planning for an early retirement? Are you earning a fair whack?
It seems crazy to do those hours otherwise

Why is sister A working during the day and in the evening too?
I read working 8:45-5:30 and then 8pm-11pm

There is no right or wrong,

What are you trying to achieve with those hours - it is full time on steroids.