Who is living life the right way?

[flowergirl24]

Sister A and Sister B met up over the Christmas period. Their lives have gone in different directions and they are both late 30s. They both have 3 DC.

Sister A works 60 hours a week in a stressful job. She manages to take the children swimming at the weekends but they don’t do activities after school during the week. She has invested money in rental houses, and is concentrating on being able to have a better quality of life in the future.

Sister B works 8-10 hours a week. She has ponies and the children enjoy riding after school. She is not focused on a career at all, but does a lot of driving the children to after school activities. Sister B has expensive cars and is living for today, with no concern for the future.

Who is doing life right?

What a strange question. There is no right or wrong. Different lifestyles suit different people.

Neither is living life the 'right way.'

They have different outlooks and priorities. If one HAD to pick a sister they thought had the better life...A. No one should ever be reliant on someone else for their financial stability - might as well stick your head under a guillotine.

Well sister As life sounds hellish like my old job so anything but that basically!

Owning property and being a landlord is just another way of owning a business, it's getting harder and harder to make this work these days so I don't understand the hate. Do you also hate Tesco in the same way because they make money out of your grocery shop?

@flowergirl24 Assuming your are sister A since you know everyone's pick up/drop off/work schedules to the T, this sounds like a very very stressful way to live. I also work FT as does DH. I also work in the evenings but usually not the weekends. When does Sister A just get to chill with the kids? Lying on the floor and being silly? Or reading books and playing board games? Or snuggling under a blanket and watching movies? Are these a one off or is this something that you (as sister A) manage to do on a regular basis.
I understand you are saving for the future, but one day when you are gone, yes your children will be glad of the financial security, but they will also miss YOU.

My mother worked FT in the 1980s in India and had a hugely successful career. When I went back to work after DC1 (stupidly early because America...) she told me that kids don't need you to do 'special' stuff with them, they don't need quality time, they need just time. So every spare moment you have realistically you just spend with them. So DH and I both made some career choices in our 30s that slowed down our progression slightly but it meant that we were there for our kids (someone always home from 3:30/4 onwards...making sure we didnt' work too much on weekends etc). We can always pick it back up as our kids get older.

I have no issues with landlords, if you read my comments. I asked if "landlord" was being used as an insult.

There's obviously no one 'right' way to live, but I would hate to live like Sister A while having young children (and would not be happy with my partner working 60 hours a week at that stage of family life either). It's very tough on kids not to get decent chunks of time with their parents during the week.

My life is much more like Sister B's - 3 young kids, part-time work, I can collect them from school every day - and I think it's a brilliant balance. I'm well aware that not all families can afford not to have both parents in full-time work, but where it is possible, I think it leads to a great quality of life, even if neither of us is driving a flash car. I can't say I think of it as DH 'funding my lifestyle' - we chose to have children together, and it was our joint preference that those children be largely looked after by a parent.

I think you'll find many people hate being ripped off by Tesco's and other supermarkets...

Indeed. This is a completely pointless exercise. It's like saying which is "right"?- apples or oranges?

I can actually tell you what's "wrong" though- being consumed with comparing other people's lifestyles with yours. If you look hard enough you will always find someone who is better off than you and you can always find someone worse off than you. What does it achieve?- nothing except making you feel like shit in the case of the first one.

If you arent happy with your current life then look for ways to change or improve it. Thats the "right" thing to do.

And many people and pension funds rely on the dividends from profitable companies to provide them with income in old age…

And many people hate that too...just look at the crap we're in because of the privatisation of water etc. but that's ok it's someone's pension when they get old never mind that we are all being ripped off by water companies.

Ew, my worst nightmare.

There is no right way to live, but in honesty I'm sure sister As children will be thankful for the financial leg up in the future.

Well, we’re not all in the fortunate position of having an unfunded, government backed pension to sustain us in old age. So we have to make our own provision. How do you suggest we do that if companies aren’t allowed to be profitable and pay dividends?

Where are the dads? Or is it only women who get judged for how they lead their lives?

I know I would want to be sister A because she'll be ok if Man leaves her, where sister B is knackered

Yeah it's ok to rip people off if your doing for your old age...there are more ethical ways to save for your old age without ripping off people.

Such as…?

This isn’t really a direct comparison as they don’t have the same choices due to who provides the funds for the lifestyle!

There's no right or wrong. There are lots of other factors we can't possibly know about for starters.

And what is right for each family will vary between families but also over time

As long as they are happy with their decision and not sniping about others lifestyles then all good

At a minimum, sister A has it wrong. She’s working way too many hours. There’s no room for any time with her family, her husband, or personal desires. That’s no way to live.

I feel sorry for their mum actually.

Imagine these two growing up.

'Muuuuum, which one is your favorite, its me isn't it?? I'm smarter, prettier and more popular aren't I mum?? mum? muuuum???'

Bet the poor mum was quietly hitting the box wine from the fridge at Christmas and dreaming of Shirley Valentine 😂

Both.

They're doing what works for them.

I couldn't imagine having been a sahp. My sister couldn't imagine working even close to full time! Nothing wrong with either approach as long as every one is happy, loved, fed and clothed.

Maybe her personal desire is to prioritise her career. Mine is.

Neither sound ideal to me

Yes, sorry, responded to the wrong post, should have been -

DefinitelyNotMaybe · Today 16:20
Profiting from owning too many houses isn't 'right' no matter how you try to justify it.

I have worked the hours of both A and B at times, there must be a happy medium, spending time with kids just 'being around and engaging' is so crucial.