Who is living life the right way?

[flowergirl24]

Sister A and Sister B met up over the Christmas period. Their lives have gone in different directions and they are both late 30s. They both have 3 DC.

Sister A works 60 hours a week in a stressful job. She manages to take the children swimming at the weekends but they don’t do activities after school during the week. She has invested money in rental houses, and is concentrating on being able to have a better quality of life in the future.

Sister B works 8-10 hours a week. She has ponies and the children enjoy riding after school. She is not focused on a career at all, but does a lot of driving the children to after school activities. Sister B has expensive cars and is living for today, with no concern for the future.

Who is doing life right?

I'm not sure it is a simple as right or wrong. Personally, I have never wanted a sister A situation as time with my children is very important to me and our wellbeing as a family. Conversely, I'm.not sure the sister B scenario would suit me either. I enjoy a fulfilling career that takes more than those hours. I work term time though so feel very fortunate to have all those days with my children...although it can feel relentless!! I also like to find a balance for living finncially for now and also preparing for the future. Sister B isn't really being as financially prudent as I like to be. I guess the questions for both sisters is are they happy and healthy? Are their family relationships good? Have their children hit the teen years when those evening hours are so important to connect to the children? Life is complicated and I hope they both regularly take time to consider if their choices still reflect their values and make suitable provision for the here and now in addition to the future.

If Sister A can only achieve this by putting her youngest child in nursery for 10 hours a day 5 days a week I feel so sorry for that child. Presumably in the week the child is only awake at home for 1 to 2 hours a day? On that basis alone Sister B has her priorities right. You can never get your children's childhood back. Money really doesn't make everything right.

Out of the 2, sister B is seeing more of her dc and has less stress. It is the better option.

If she is married and splits, she would get a hopefully fair settlement. Sister B is working but she could up her hours even if it is part-time once the children are at secondary school.

You say she lives for today. How do you know her finances? A full and a part time job does allow for savings, just maybe not as much as A has.

I mean, it's not a competition. Everyone is just plodding along and doing their best, right?
If you held me at gun point and made me choose (!), I'd say A. You don't get ponies and big cars by working the equivalent of one day a week, so I'm guessing B is dependent on a man, which isn't ideal.

But what are YOU doing with your life, OP?

which one (and which one's family) is happier? That's who is 'doing life right;'
If they're both happy with their circumstances then they both are doing life right, if they aren't then neither of them.

yes you could go into the 'what ifs' - what if Sister A dropped down dead with lots of savings but minimal family memories, what if Sister B's husband left her, meaning she would struggle for money in her older years - but most people try and tread the line of making sensible precautions for the future while living in the present.

I was Sister A, but would have loved to have been Sister B. I had no choice but to work long hours as a single parent. It was tough on the DCs at the time, but when I ask them if they feel they missed out they say they didn’t. We still did fun stuff, but only on the weekends.

On the flip side, I was able to retire early, and give all the DCs a 25% house deposit. We have lovely holidays together, though they’re the ones working the long hours now.

The one living the right way is the one who didn't write this ...

I think it is silly to compare the two. Neither is 'doing it' right or wrong.

Your life is a product of the choices you make and what your priorities are. As long as they are both happy - who cares?

I was sister B without the ponies but with sister A’s rental properties and I wouldn’t go back in time and change it.

and that there are only 2 ways to live

Shit, best get a move on then! I'm kind of in the middle, or I was was, my DC are older now

Neither! Overall B sounds more like the kind of lifestyle I’d prefer but rather than waste money on expensive cars like her I’d put some away/invest.

Not into ponies but love owning several properties and also love big posh cars and working hard for it and the kids not doing too bad either so I guess I’m in team A

Silly question. As long as they’re both happy with their lives, why does there have to be a right and wrong? You can’t compare peoples lives in this way.

Sister C, Cinderella.

I think I maybe watched one too many this Christmas 🤣

How do you B isn’t thinking of the future, she could have masses of equity in her home?

Sister B will be in for a very nasty shock if husband leaves her, she has no security, no independent income. I’d rather be sister A and know that I could manage on my own if I needed to.

100% agree

Neither lifestyle sounds perfect but if both families are happy that's all that matters.

A sounds like she needs a bit more work life balance if she can afford it.

Sister B I’d say coz she has more hours with her children. Given they are married as she gives her time raising children, I don’t see it as ‘getting her lifestyle funded’. It’s a partnership with her DH and both have different roles and responsibilities.

kids live in the moment and want your undivided attention really so I don’t think portfolio of investments makes up for that. They remember how you made them feel and whether you showed up for them.

In a decade or two you will see how those offspring turn out.

Overall though some genetics will always play out somewhat, silk purse out of a sows ear type stuff.

It also depends on what happens in their marriages. Only they know that. All it takes is for an affair or a falling out of love and kids worlds are turned upside down in divorce or they stay together miserable and again that’s bad.

So which sister are you or are you sister C enjoying it from the sidelines?

you're comparing apples and oranges...

There is no right or wrong way. Presumably they're both happy with their choices, and their choices are so different I doubt either is jealous of the other. Judgey, yes.

Personally neither would be right for me - I have more time with my kids than A and more financial security than B. So... Me! I'm living life the right way.

A's life sounds miserable as fuck.