Who is living life the right way?

[flowergirl24]

Sister A and Sister B met up over the Christmas period. Their lives have gone in different directions and they are both late 30s. They both have 3 DC.

Sister A works 60 hours a week in a stressful job. She manages to take the children swimming at the weekends but they don’t do activities after school during the week. She has invested money in rental houses, and is concentrating on being able to have a better quality of life in the future.

Sister B works 8-10 hours a week. She has ponies and the children enjoy riding after school. She is not focused on a career at all, but does a lot of driving the children to after school activities. Sister B has expensive cars and is living for today, with no concern for the future.

Who is doing life right?

They are both doing what’s right for them and their families… no “right or wrong” here. Unless one sister isn’t happy with their choices??

Sister A’s a landlord, Sister B’s new money (flash cars). It’s a most fragrant goat competition really.

Both are doing right for them although sister B obviously has a high earning partner.

Strong work ethic and good organisational skills

Sister A drops youngest off at nursery at 7:45 and then picks up at 5:45. She works 8-5:30 5 days a week so that’s 9.5x 5 days which is 47.5 hours. She then works 8-11 once the children are in bed. That’s 47.5 + 15 hours = 62.5. Sister A works over the weekend too.

Her DH works 9-5 and he drops the other two off and picks them up from primary school.

Partly, their choices will depend on their partners' income and on what each has agreed with her partner.

Looking at my own life, I tended more towards A and wish I hadn't so I think A and/or her DH should scale back a bit so as to have more time with their kids.

Neither is living the 'right way'.

Frankly this seems all a bit silly and feels like one sister is envious of the other by asking this kind of question in the first place. Some serious issues are probably in play here.

That working pattern, permanently, not as a busy period, will be utterly exhausting.

Even taking children out of the equation.

There is no ' right ' way to live but working all the time and never having an evening as a family doesn't sound very sustainable

It's not a competition. Both are doing what they think is best. Each to their own.

There's no right and wrong. I think somewhere between the 2 would be closer to my own personal ideal. I can't imagine being late 30s and having 3 kids and a career. I would probably not have intermitted my career with 3 kids and still managed to have a career. I'd also never invest in property development. One child late on, keep career, reduce hours slightly, kids can do clubs if they want

So sister B married rich and can afford ponies etc. On paper, her kids are having the better upbringing.

Sister A has a different philosophy on life.

That sounds like the plot of a Hallmark movie....

Each to their own but I would rather live like B whilst DC are young. I wouldn't miss out on so much of their childhood to build for the future. Unless A is around 45+ there is plenty of time to make money when DC are teens/adults.

The weird thing is that you have this much detail on someone else’s work schedule, and that your immediate instinct is to come online and play these two women off against one another. Why?

B because she has ponies.

My new year's res is going to be how many times I can use "most fragrant goat" in the next 12 months

Why does there have to be a right or wrong
Different people live different lives

Because she's sis A?

Don't care for the sound of either.

Is "landlord" being used as an insult? @nationalsausagefund

Possibly and there are serious sibling rivalry issues going on!

I'd say the one in the right is the one not posting on here to compare.

Sister B, at any time.
😁👍

Are you sister A?

I have (nearly) lived that life.

I frequently got frustated and overwhelmed, sometimes lost my temper with my kids over very little, was generally exhausted, resentful, disconnected from and angry with my partner and ended up in a crisis and nearly divorcing. I certainly lost perspective on what was important to me: relationships, including the one I had with myself.

I completely changed my life I now work 20-24 h a week from home. Every morning after the kids leave for school I have a good hour to myself drinking tea, reading and reflecting before starting work. I text with friends. I spend time talking to my kids after school. I walk the dog. Listen to psychology podcasts. I am calm, well-rested and have a far better quality of life.

I think there is a balance to be found between these two lifestyles but I definitely think working 60h a week with children & partner would lead most people to a breakdown longe term. You cannot possibly have time and energy for your partner and self care.

This is just my experience and opinion.

Always.