To go off sick? Would you in this situation?

[Bhuwilo]

I’m exhausted. That’s it really. Have a toddler and dh works away in the week. I despise the nursery run as I also work full time and the whole process of getting dd ready etc and in the car is exhausting. I used to love my career. I just want a few weeks off. I don’t mean annual leave (can’t do that as don’t have enough) but I mean a few weeks off trying to meet everyone’s needs but my own. A few weeks of dropping dd then focusing on myself. I’m so burnt out. Is this reasonable? Have you done it or would you?

Not once has the OP said she's ill.

She says she's exhausted.

And that's due to the lifestyle choices of her and her husband.

It's not a doctor she needs to talk to, it's him.

Good god! The comments on here!
Have none of you ever heard of burnout or stress? How about a breakdown??

Just because person A copes just fine all the time with life’s stresses, doesn’t mean person B is going to handle it exactly the same. Oddly enough, every person is different and every person has a breaking point!!
If op is near hers, then the very best thing she can do for her own health, is to sign herself off with stress.
All the bloody judgy comments on here and all the “we’ve all had to do it, so should you!” Is absurd! Fucks sake!

Op, if you’re really not coping, then the best thing you can do right now is self certify for a week, see how you feel towards the end. It might be that that was all that was needed, but if you’re still feeling close to the edge, speak to your GP.

Ive very much been a “handle anything that comes my way” sort of person. Throw something huge at me and I carry on. But at the age of 41 a succession of things happened that pushed me right over the edge. I ended up having what used to be called “a nervous breakdown”. Basically I stopped eating, stopped sleeping, my anxiety was through the roof, I became convinced every moment of the day that something awful was going to happen… Nothing like that has ever happened to me before. I spoke to my GP, I spoke to EAP at work and was referred for psychotherapy and signed off work for several months. The therapy did the trick, I’m back to my old self-but the point is, I didn’t listen to my body, I kept on keeping on until eventually I cracked.
If it can happen to me (I’ve always prided myself on being emotionally tough and resilient, I survived extreme domestic abuse without any mental scars at all)
then it can happen to anyone.

Ignore all these martyrs on here, focus on yourself and your needs, if you really feel you need a break, take one.

Yes I think that’s unreasonable you are not sick you are just not managing your current work life balance . By going sick you will address the issue short term but your colleagues will suffer . If you can’t manage your situation it’s something you and your dh need to re evaluate and there is no shame in that .
if you need sick leave as a crisis management tool to get you through rn then no it’s not unreasonable but it would be if you do it again .

You can take parental leave or be signed off . But it doesn't solve the problem longer term.
I was a single parent from word go and also worked.. but did 4 days a week. Some days had to drop off at childminder at 615am to get train to work etc
It's hard

Def consider flexible working options.. can you work from home? As at least then once dropped off no more travel etc.
Def time to look at alternative arrangements . You'll be glad you did. Even one less day a week is a huge difference
Good luck

So just because the PP doesn't "want" to use her annual leave for this means what in terms of justifying a fraudulent sickness pay claim? 🫣

Ignore all these martyrs on here, focus on yourself and your needs, if you really feel you need a break, take one.

Yes, take a break. Annual leave, parental leave, unpaid leave, sabbatical. Just not sick leave. Change her job or domestic situation.

OP is 'exhausted'. OP is not sick.

I think this.

I don’t think it’s fair to say you’re sick if you’re not.

Youre basically trying to do too much in order to maintain a full time way - but it isn’t anyone else’s fault you have a toddler and that your DH works away.

i think you need to make some permanent changes - like go part time, DH change his role, or something that is honest.

A dr might well sign you off with stress, but your stress is down to your family’s choices, so doesn’t seem fair to me.

I agree - take an honest break.

I was very burnt out at the beginning of last year with work related issues. I would never have admitted it. I had been trying to cope for so long that I’d just had enough. I took 6 weeks off work as it was blatant that being there was causing me to be unwell. I was not myself. I realised that I needed to make some changes and so I asked for a slight reduction in my hours and negotiated a set working pattern. I undertook counselling and coping skills workshops and was honest with my employer when things were difficult instead of bottling it all up. It has helped no end. I had chance for a restart and refresh. I now enjoy my life and have a great work life balance.

It sounds like you need something similar but changes will also need to be made as well.

My husband farmed all hours that God sends and every day of the year as we had livestock. I worked and we had three children to rear. Exhaustion is par the course, and it’s not fair on your colleagues to take weeks off sick; many if them might all be similarly struggling. Take unpaid leave/go part- time…

I would take the time off to give myself a chance to relax. Work is not worth your mental
health suffering. Take the time off to reset your energy levels

It seems to me you're exhausted because of your workload rather than suffering mental or physical ill health. So sick leave really isn't appropriate. But unpaid leave will give you time to regroup and decide on a sustainable work-life balance.

OP is knackered! Assuming she doesn’t work for nhs or police where colleagues will feel the effects, it’s literally the company who is profiting off her burnout! You know the billionaire corporates that get by paying minimal tax etc?

take a break, work can replace you, your family can’t.

apologies that all these boomers in their 90s new builds for £20k have no empathy.

Also, if you tell your dr all this, your dr will probably say you’re sick with stress. Hence a sick note. Legal. Drs aren’t fraudsters are they?

and if you’re all the bitter colleagues working through grief trauma and exhaustion, more fool you.

Do it…. But take the opportunity to do some consideration whilst you are off. It’s not sustainable to continue for years exhausted. Something will give and it will be your health. Or an accident. If I could talk to my younger self that is what I would advise them

'Stress' or 'backache' or 'migraine' is the classic shirkers excuse for a sick note because the doctor cannot verify if it is true or not and can only go on what their patient tells them.

The doctor is not being a fraudster. The malingerer asking for the sick note is.

Totally this!
Shameful behaviour. Imagine if your colleagues signed off too.

You're not alone, you have a husband.

But its not for the kids, it's for her! It is a form of sickness! Why would anyone take unpaid leave vs paid leave?

Good lord. Its not mental health, it's life.

Get yourself together, get organised, shuffle up life so it works. You can't have paid sick leave because you are a Mum.

No, I find this quite ignorant. Clinical burnout and suicide rates are notable amongst mothers of babies and toddlers. Taking some time out is far more sensible than having a mental health crisis.

Having little kids is hard but you just have to plod on really.

Which is why she needs a serious chat with her husband.

It's their lifestyle that's causing it and if they don't change that, she'll put her feet up for a couple of weeks at her employer's expense (while saving her own annual leave) and return with exactly the same problem.

It's not sustainable.

I don't see how in the long term having time off is the solution. When you come back nothing would have changed in the scenario except that your employer might view you differently.

I do empathise with your situation as I have a hugely demanding job role which for years was sucking the life out of me. I was getting up at 5am, coming home at 6pm, doing the whole single parent job terribly, doing my job terribly and got to the point where having a car accident so I could be in a coma for a few weeks sounded like a life choice!!!

So for me, I had to balance my life, I got rid of my job responsibilities at work. It made the role manageable. It did cut my wage but I just cut my bills to the bare bones. It worked, I had balance back. I then sought counselling, that helped me manage life in a far healthier way. I then met my husband and went down to four days. Which helps as we now have a non speaking, globally delayed DS.

Taking two weeks off won't change your life for the better. Addressing finances, cutting back work where you can, seeking ways to calm your mind will.

Self cert for a week and say that you have that dreaded flu that’s going around. Get yourself a bit of a break and some time to yourself to recharge. As others have said, also consider if you are able to amend parts of your working hours / start or finish times even, etc and if there can be a better balance. Can your partner consider a difference job? They are missing out on a lot of their child’s life too. Doing it all yourself full time is exhausting 🌺

Burnout is real. Ignore the negativity. Being a busy working Mum does not mean you have to feel like this. You need sick leave for mental health reasons which is just as valid as physical illness.