To go off sick? Would you in this situation?

[Bhuwilo]

I’m exhausted. That’s it really. Have a toddler and dh works away in the week. I despise the nursery run as I also work full time and the whole process of getting dd ready etc and in the car is exhausting. I used to love my career. I just want a few weeks off. I don’t mean annual leave (can’t do that as don’t have enough) but I mean a few weeks off trying to meet everyone’s needs but my own. A few weeks of dropping dd then focusing on myself. I’m so burnt out. Is this reasonable? Have you done it or would you?

Jeez the organisation I work for offers amazing flexibility and support - gives mental health days where possible and is really supportive. We're a fantastic and diverse team who are loyal, committed and work hard 🤷‍♀️ if you get a negative response OP maybe you need to find a better, more understanding workplace!

Def get gp support though OP.

Ha funny.
I've managed a lot of people and there are shirkers at all ages. Plenty of middle aged people who go off sick frequently, or arse about chatting about golf in the office for half the day, or are just filling time till then get their pension

I also know heaps of people of every age (and circumstance) who give their all to their job

OP, you have a dh and you only have one toddler.

There is no such thing as 'going off sick'. You are either sick or not and if you have to ask, you are not.

You don't need to 'go off sick'. If you cannot hack it, you need another job, different hours or get in help. Your employer and colleagues are not there to pick up the slack in your own domestic arrangements.

You need to make a long term plan whatever you decide to do short term.

What I will say is that I've been off sick for a month due to being seriously unwell. I go back to work next week and I DREADING the shit show it'll be with emails and requests and missed meetings etc. I was in the high dependency unit and just couldn't focus on work so I actually don't know what I've missed. Will you go back to a situation like that whete it's actually a worse situation?

Does your toddler sleep at night? Also, whilst it's hard I think it's important to acknowledge loads of people do it alone. I'm not saying that to have a go but I know from myself it's easy to fall into thinking you're so hard done by and everyone has it easier when it's not really the case. Sometimes just accepting that helps.

A lot of women have a similar lifestyle, with more than one child and often an earlier work start time, without feeling burnout. I think your approach to your situation might need tweaking.

Do you need a better routine to get everything fitted in and get more time to yourself in the evening? Do you feel resentful that you're doing all the childcare? Are you getting enough sleep? You need to consider why you're feeling so fed up and try to make your life more enjoyable.

Stop asking for permission. Get the sick note and get some rest. It’s hard and you deserve some you time. X

I know of quite a lot of woman doing that, I’m not sure why that even needs questioning? You don’t really think every mother in the world has a partner or has someone to share custody with?
Point proven there’s women in this thread that have done it.

No, it's not and there's no reason why people shouldn't take time off to look after their mental and emotional wellbeing, just as they would their physical, but the problem here is that it wouldn't solve anything. Things might feel better at the start, but it'll ramp up again. The root cause of the burnout won't be addressed.

I would take the time off and also see if the GP will test your blood. I have 2 friends on vitamin D injections as theirs was through the floor.
When my thyroid started to go under I felt like I wasn’t coping.
You can’t just tell people to power through without knowing the full picture.

Id see the GP and see what they say. If there’s no other reason for it need to see if you need to make a change.
Can you take a temporary step back from work for a few months and reduce your hours temporarily? Or drop one day, WFH one day?. Once you’ve seen the GP have a discussion with work with what you can do.

I've done it. Two a baby and a toddler. Full time job. Ex not allowed to see kids. Family all far away.

But, that only tells half the story!!

My work was flexible, my children were dreamy little people and very easy going, my commute was easy, their nursery was amazing and gave them all their meals...

Etc etc.

We don't know what other pressures and worries op has, what she has already been through before we got to this point.

It's kind of grim to tell someone they can't be struggling

I coped with tragedy after tragedy in my early twenties and kept succeeding and working through it. Then finally fell apart a couple of years later and had to have two years off work. It must have been baffling to many, but that's stored up exhaustion meant I finally hit a wall.

We don't get to tell someone they have to carry on ,that's a grim way to treat someone. If Op is hitting a wall it makes sense for her to rest and take stock

I want a member of my team to take a break if they were nearing burnout. Far better than having someone continuing to work but barely functioning. Or burning out entirely and needing months off

I've done it. Two a baby and a toddler. Full time job. Ex not allowed to see kids. Family all far away.

But, that only tells half the story!!

My work was flexible, my children were dreamy little people and very easy going, my commute was easy, their nursery was amazing and gave them all their meals...

Etc etc.

We don't know what other pressures and worries op has, what she has already been through before we got to this point.

It's kind of grim to tell someone they can't be struggling

I coped with tragedy after tragedy in my early twenties and kept succeeding and working through it. Then finally fell apart a couple of years later and had to have two years off work. It must have been baffling to many, but that's stored up exhaustion meant I finally hit a wall.

We don't get to tell someone they have to carry on ,that's a grim way to treat someone. If Op is hitting a wall it makes sense for her to rest and take stock

I want a member of my team to take a break if they were nearing burnout. Far better than having someone continuing to work but barely functioning. Or burning out entirely and needing months off

This thread really saddens me because it shows how many people still don't get how dangerous pushing your body and mind to the point where you are burning out can be.

A year ago I ended up having a total mental and physical breakdown. I could not think, eat, read, sleep or look after myself and I even had suicidal ideation.

Thankfully I had a supportive GP and was under the care of the Crisis team and they literally saved my life. I had to take almost 2 months off work.

The GP told that my mind and body just could not cope anymore and it was a wake up call to look after myself better and take some time out.

The point if you feel a burn out coming, you should take action to avoid a complete meltdown and take some time off.

As for the 'it is not fair on your colleagues and employers' brigade: my colleagues and employer were completely unsupportive when I came back from being off sick. It wasn't until occupational health got involved and reminded the organisation of its duty of care that my manager backed down and allowed the reasonable adjustments my GP had listed as a condition for me being fit to work. My employer is currently being sued by another employee with a long term health condition for discrimination and bullying. Most employers don't care about their staff and your colleagues are not worth losing your health over.

Take the time you need to deal with your exhaustion and make long term plans to improve your work life balance.

Totally agree . It's horrible to see people insisting people must carry on relentlessly.

Don't go off sick. This is what Parental leave is for. You can have up to 4 weeks off a year until the child is 18. It is unpaid but is there for this exact reason.
www.gov.uk/parental-leave

Also please consider reducing your hours or going part time. What you are doing nay not be sustainable.

OP, it's a tricky one. And I'm sorry you are feeling so tired.

Honestly, what you are describing sounds just normal tired l, though, when you have a kid, and due to your life circumstances, rather than your mental health.....if so, then that's what holiday time, or unpaid leave, or going part time is for. It sounds a bit like you are just wanting the company to pay for you to have a break from the life you are in.

Exhaustion does of course cross over into a mental health crisis at some point- if eg you are crying for no reason, or your anxiety is going through the roof, or even when you have slept well, you feel fatigue to the point you can't function, or tasks at work that you know you can normally do, feel overwhelming to you. Once you arrive in that state, or you feel at urgent risk of getting there, then that is real burn out, and I think it is fair to take sick leave. But honestly, what you are saying just sounds a bit more like you don't like your life, hate drop offs and are tired because you are a single mum. None of those are really the company's job to pay for/try to fix.

That said, there is an argument that it's cheaper for the company for you to take a little sick leave now to avoid a real break down later (if that is where you think you are heading). And if you have no other options (no remaining holiday time/ can't afford to take unpaid leave) and it's a huge company with a massive budget, and your colleagues wouldn't be overstrained if you disappeared for a while..... well, it wouldn't be right, but it would be less wrong!

But if you do this, I'd suggest you really use it well to try to get quality rest and reboot..... otherwise, honestly, starting back up to all the things you already hate, will probably feel worse than having never been off. Like walking on blisters.... when you stop for a while, moving again is bloody painful!

@Startingagainandagain I think the reason for some of the responses you don't like is due to how the OP has been expressing the challenge.

1. She doesn't mention one issue with her actual work being a source of exhaustion or stress or unpleasantness. It's all the rest of the life she doesn't like (despising drop off etc)

1. While she says she is burned out, that's often a carelessly-used phrase....she doesn't mention any actual signs of real burn out, which as you have experienced, is a real health crisis (I had one of those too!). I have been far far more tired and over-committed at other times in my life and been fine... burnout is often a cocktail of emotional distress, anxiety and specific circumstances that push you into crisis. It isn't just being really tired.

1. It does sound like she has other options potentially- as she has at least some holiday time, is a two income family so might be able to take unpaid leave, and a husband who could possibly adjust. There are also other properties channels for when life outside work gets too much, such as compassionate leave or parental leave to meet these challenges.

Basically- Yes, while it's fair for a company to pay to support an employee through a mental health crisis or major life events, and they have a responsibility also not to provoke that crisis through crappy practices or unreasonable demands..... individuals do have their own responsibility to set up their lives where possible, in a way that is sustainable, and not ask the company to pay for general recharge/breaks which are already allowed for through holiday time or flexible working.

It's a spectrum/continuum and where OP is on that spectrum isn't totally clear from what she has said.

I don’t means this unkindly but this seems more like an unworkable childcare/employment situation than burnout. Working with young children is exhausting. Juggling life and running a household with young children is exhausting. Life generally with young children is exhausting. As others have said, this is what millions of parents do every day and have been doing for years before that.

Taking time off will impact adversely on your colleagues and that’s not fair. I think you need to reevaluate your work and childcare because if nothing changes you’ll be back here in a few months.

I work in the NHS, some colleagues regularly take time off because they ‘are struggling’ , whilst they are absent from work, the nurses who don’t take time off have to cope with the extra work load!!, believe me when I say you are absolutely taking the piss, and even though your colleagues will not tell you, they absolutely resent you

It sounds like you really need some time out, but I’d be careful what you say at work. A physical illness is better received than a mental one. I know it’s terrible, but you don’t want lose your job.

Sorry, but NHS workers are the worst I've known for taking the piss out of absence!

Some people replying to your post are missing the point. You are ill...caused by burn out and stress. Take some time off before you break down completely xxx

Exactly!!! JMSA Did you not read what I said !!, some NHS staff totally abuse the sickness benefits, the majority do not!!, the majority totally resent the ones who do!!

If you can’t cope, then you need to pack your job in and turn to something easier. My sister has recently done this. Packed in her pressured job, and took another job with minimal responsibility and pressure, but of course also half the wage, and she’s happier. Some people can juggle a job and home life, but others can’t. It’s really not fair to take time off sick, because if you’re burnt out now, you’re going to be burnt out again in a couple of months, and so it continues. Plus, unfair on other colleagues picking up the slack. Better that they have someone working alongside them who is able to cope.

Your DH needs to pull his weight at home and be available during the week. He needs a job where he is at home, he is having a great single man’s life by the sounds of it.