To go off sick? Would you in this situation?

[Bhuwilo]

I’m exhausted. That’s it really. Have a toddler and dh works away in the week. I despise the nursery run as I also work full time and the whole process of getting dd ready etc and in the car is exhausting. I used to love my career. I just want a few weeks off. I don’t mean annual leave (can’t do that as don’t have enough) but I mean a few weeks off trying to meet everyone’s needs but my own. A few weeks of dropping dd then focusing on myself. I’m so burnt out. Is this reasonable? Have you done it or would you?

The early years are so tough and I hear you when you say you ‘feel overwhelmed’. I’ve been there myself.

In all honesty tho, going off sick will not help. All those obstacles will still be there on your return to work, the longer you are off, the worse it will feel and you’ll become anxious about your return.

You need to look at your situation and try to work out what needs to change, reduce working hours? A cleaner? Meal prepped/delivered meals? An ironing lady?

If none of those are possible try to focus on this bit honestly not lasting forever, you blink and the kids are toilet trained and fastening their own seatbelts.

Maybe just take one week off and try to clear your head and get some rest, then come up with a plan. Can you work less hours?

OP if you are beyond exhausted go to GP and ask med cert.
Use that time to rest but also make a plan… including with your husband.
You can’t go back to what you were doing before.. if it’s not working then change it!
Sometimes you are too exhausted to even think… I have been there and taken time off.. it’s worked really well. .. but I had to make some changes.
your GP will be sympathetic.. I am a GP and burnout is very very common in doctors and most have experienced it themselves 😉
Could you and your husband survive on 4 day weeks.. or even 9 days every fortnight each so one of you gets a day off every week.

most are not on their own with it though

Well there are lots of us single parents doing it 24/7 and with more than one child so I beg to differ

Put your big girl pants on. Getting signed off is not the answer.

Every woman I know

but you don’t know every woman out there and there are more than plenty doing all that single handed and don’t get to share nursery runs and evening toddler wrangling with a partner, just because everyone you know has some one that doesn’t mean everyone has someone

Honestly I don't think it's worth damaging your sick record when you're going to be back to square 1 in a few weeks
My company insists of company doctor report for anything longer than 2 weeks so you might be faced with this as well.
Your sick leave record can be mentioned as part of your future reference so I wouldn't take time off lightly!

That's why I asked how many women do you know who (like the OP) work full time with a toddler with no one to help Monday to Friday.

You are the one saying loads of women do it.

Being a working mum isn’t a mental health issue. It’s having a busy life. It is totally normal to feel tired and overwhelmed when we are continually busy. Neither of those feelings constitute a mental health crisis or burnout.

OP needs a holiday but doesn’t want to use her annual leave. Sick leave is not a means of adding vacation days to your entitlement.

You don’t just need a few weeks off . You need to work out how to manage your family responsibilities better.
You could take emergency parental leave… If you take sick leave then use the time to make changes .
IF DH needs to work away you either get an au pair to help, ask family to support or reduce your hours at work.

Or DH needs to reduce the number of days he is away to reduce the burden on you.

Jesus. You don’t start work until 9. I’ve been at work an hour and a half at that point and got two children up dressed and ready.

What a shitty irresponsible attitude. Hope you get sacked for skiving one day.

I'm the stoic type too. But come on, it's not a competition here.
Our problems and feelings are all relative. There's no point in comparing one situation with the other.
For all we know, the OP could have depression or an underlying health condition to throw in the mix (hope not though!).

This is why I won’t hire women. Just poor, shitty entitlement

Umm, wow 😳

I think if you really feel you need the time and you're at breaking point then you should take it. But you need to use some of the time to really think about how you can adjust things to make life more sustainable. So thinking about a flexible working pattern or help with childcare runs, talking seriously to your partner about support you need during the week and considering what you can outsource or if he change his working pattern or find a job closer to home where he can support you. Planning time for you at the weekend to refill your cup when he's back and him taking on certain tasks to help you prepare for the week ahead.

The insanity of this thread. ’I’m suffering so you should to!’

I’ve burnt out and it’s a medical issue. If you have an understanding employer please talk to them or speak to your doctor. Do not suffer in silence or alone.

We are not built to work to death. Take a breather. Reevaluate. You’ll be better at your job too.

YANBU. I did it recently but only for a week. I was on the verge of burnout and massively behind with everything. I just needed a few days to get back on track and it worked. I think if I hadn't taken that week I would have ended this year in a bit of a mess.

I did it. With 2 kids.

I worked compressed hours Mon-Thurs and volunteered Fridays for my CV.

It was bloody stupid. I'm glad I'm not dead tbh!

I'd not do it again, but I did get through it. I never got my promotion though and I'm still minimum wage. It taught me that success is luck much more than hard work. It wasn't worth it.

My kids are adults and we have a very healthy relationship, but if you need time, take time.
I think I'm damn lucky I have my kids rather than a career. But I'm still bitter I put in all that time for someone else's profits.

I wouldn’t. I don’t get sick pay as I’m self employed. I went back to work when each of my children were 3 months old. It was exhausting and hard work. Still is as they’re still only 6 and under. But this is the life I chose so I live it.

We are not built to work to death

She needs to tell her husband this really.

Take it

But

Use the time to reflect and re-set. What can you change. Can you hire a cleaner? Ask for help from somewhere? Cut corners? Work a different pattern

Hopefully the break will give you time to take stock. But you do need to learn the lesson from this and find a way to bring some tiny bits of break into your life.

For me as a single mum it was to hire a cleaner/home help. It wasn't a luxury it was a necessity, I didn't buy anything for myself during those years but always had the cleaner

Jobs are different, people are different, children are different, the level of support from family/friends is different

Burnout wrecks health and lives it's not to be mocked

In my workplace we have a tacit, unspoken and undocumented agreement to only hire middle aged childfree people. That way no one gets screwed over. It's worked well for more than a decade.

If you genuinely feel burnt out and as though your MH is suffering, then I would sign yourself off, but I’d also go and speak to your GP and seek some counselling? If you are experiencing low mood, then rest, counselling and possibly some medication may help and a few days to consider the way forward - reduced hours, flexible home working for example - might need to be explored with your partner and employer before your return?