To ‘be more Mumsnet’ in 2025?

[Jumell]

I’m going to try and achieve some of these goals in 2025:-

Earn 100k pa at least
Move to Hampstead
Buy a Range Rover
Shop only at Boden
BAN the Daily Fail
Have 101 on Speed Dial
Get a ring doorbell

NEVER open front door except by prior appointment

Diet and then NEVER thereafter exceed a BMI of 20

Get tested for neurodiversity

Make a whole cooked chicken last a week
Massive salad

Go NC with my ENTIRE narcissistic family

Book a spa day

Get rid of my toilet brush

Chronicle daily how little I’m eating to keep my BMI permanently under 20

Encourage all woo threads as it fascinates me - generally - be more ‘woo’

Declare friendship groups as too much drama

SO C’MON!! There are worse goals for 2025 to have, surely?

I'm planning to have a picky tea every Sunday with naise ham and I might get DH a penis beaker

While leaving the Disco at home.

You and your husband must both have been diagnosed as having ADHD. You must tell everyone you meet about this, and they must then allow you to behave like a complete wanker because it's the fault of the ADHD.

No party bags full of tat!

sibling for maud must go with our surname also DH is Indian
DS is called marmaduke and most importantly must sound middle class even though I’m not in real life and the only rural area is the local park but I’ll pretend to live in the Cotswolds

Portland hospital which consultant?

starting threads on mumsnet like why is there a mad woman parked outside my house she’s been there all day should I ask her what she’s doing?

you must have a cleaner and a doula

getting shit presents or being forgotten by ‘DH’ who earns 5x more than me but I look after the children all day and have to WFH part time in the west wing and all he got me was goat arse hair socks 😂 and shock horror bayliss and Harding

no scented candles I’m asthmatic (self diagnosed)

I get all my toiletries and wine from France (reality is they holiday in a tent and go to boots)

Ok I PROPER LOLD at the socks

If you suggest you’d send your DC to a school in a large council estate with high free school meal intake you’ll be treated with UTTER INCREDULITY

in fact, you may as well grow horns on your head now as this will attract less shock and disbelief

Get Lasting Power of Attorney in place

NOW !!!!!!!!!!!

These words merit an instant delete and block both online and IRL:

Chrimbo
Chrimble
Hubs
Bubs
Babbas
Hubster

Shun anyone who says

holibobs

Make your husband take up a mysterious hobby.

Remember, you have lost sight of what a normal portion is, so dish up your batch-cooked dinner, then immediately scrape half of it into the bin.

You have also lost sight of what a normal, healthy body shape is, so add three sizes to that size 10 you’re wearing.

MNers seem think people are going to brush their teeth with them or something

Add

Choc/Chocies (for chocolate)
Pud (for pudding)

An invitation IS NOT A SUMMONS. And they all have adhd and you need to understand it's hard for them to remember answering in time. Actually you're being fuckin rude putting pressure on them by inviting them! Give your head a wobble!

Definitely!!

Had a FB friend who was going on about her 3 yo daughter’s ’hot chic’ mug. FFFFT!! Do one !! 🤣

Like cycling or golf but you can't say because too outing.

Hot choc*

Also do not give thoughtful fabulous gifts to nieces! Don't you dare overshadow Santa and also it might be a gift the mum had looked forward to choosing for her daughter when she was older / showed more interest. Clearly you just wanted to buy it before the niece would show an interest so you could get in there first!

This is something I’ve never understood about Mumsnet, why are outdoor cameras pretty much compulsory, but having indoor ones to make sure your animals are OK is absolutely unforgivable? 😁

Youve also forgotten that NO is a complete sentence.

After going on exactly two dates with someone, start referring to them as “my partner” with immediate effect.

Zone 2 requirements plenty of coffee shops good schools must have a ‘village feel’

in 36 years of living in London (live in Suffolk now) I’ve never seen or been to any areas that are like a village 😂

which boys prep school is best?
St Naice hams or the royal rubber chicken?

What do you mean you’ve never ordered from
booths?