It's too late, right?

[TrackDay]

I'm 40. DH is 52. Happily married for 15 years, childfree.

Hormones have hit me like a freight train - I want a baby.

It's way, way too late, right? It's just hormones. It'll pass?

Pregnancy, giving birth ,the terrible twos and peri menopause all in the same decade - eek!

I'd definitely give it a go but I'd limit myself to this year, I think. Get some folic acid tomorrow and give your husband a come hither look 😏

So tell me what’s actual wrong with having a child with additional needs? You seem hell bent on warning the op against the possibility that her child might have autism or such like.

for what it’s worth, my autistic child is a joy and has much better, nicer attitude to everyone, than you.
May there be more people in the world like him.

And there are people who regret having children

See? So bloody irresponsible.

Very likely not too late. It's not even that unusual among my friends, some on first marriages, some on second. I know three women who had their first baby in their late 40s. I know two men who had children in their mid-50s. They all seem pretty happy and no health issues luckily.

I find this kind of argument baffing. All the data- not anecdata- shows older people are more likely to get cancer or many other diseases. The odd case where a young person died of cancer is really not representative.
Likewise, all the data shows older parents are more likely to have children with SN. Regardless of the one or two young parents you know who had children with SN.
Of course there is a point to planning life rather than leaving it up to chance!

Victoria Cohen has just had a baby. I think she is 51 or 52

I'd sit with the feeling and see how you feel in 3 months time. If you want to and can do it, then nothing wrong with it. Do try and think down the line though - you'll spend your 40s caring for a child, your 50s caring for a teenager, your 60s helping a university student and then potentially caring for an older DH. If you're prepared then why not, I know a few mums who had DC at your age.

Go for it. 40 isn't too old. Honestly if you are healthy you possibly have the eggs of a person in their 30's

I know plenty of women who had kids in their 40s. Lots of the parents at school are older. I personally wouldn’t do it, but then I had all my kids by the time I was 31 so that’s easy for me to say. I would be more concerned about your husbands age and the fact that he would be 62 with a 10 year old (my mum is 62 now and my dad died at 61).. my boys are 9 and 12 now and benefit so much having a hands on dad who can go for kick abouts and run around / keep up with them. How does he feel about it?

I remarried at 41. No children in first marriage. TTC from 40. Had three miscarriages, but had my baby at 45 (nearly 46).

That’s nonsense, her eggs are exactly the age she is. And sperm quality deteriorates with age too.

I am much younger but my husband and I had our first baby when he was 50 and 52. We have a 1 year old and 3 year old and he is a fantastic, doting father!

He says being older makes him appreciate it and enjoy it more than he did when he was a very young dad.

Go for it - they always say you never regret the children you have, just the ones you don't!

DH was 53 when Dd arrived and 55 when ds arrived. No issuss . I was mid 30s.

hahahahaha really? it isn't. Many have healthy children in their 40's. Also I had a child in my early 30's that has a disability. It can happen at any time and has little do with age often.

I know a number of woman who have had children in their 40s.
You mentioned your finances and housing, etc but didn't mention your health and your husband's. It is worth considering that aspect so you aren't going to burden a young adult child with caring responsibilities in their years to fly the nest. No one can ever know if this will happen but the risk is greater if you are in poor health, smokers, overweight, etc.
On the whole I would get on with it otherwise it will be too late though. 😉

I had my third last year a week before I turned 40 and am now (somewhat unexpectedly!) pregnant with no.4 at 41. Last pregnancy was straightforward and this one is fine so far I’m not tired or anything. My DH is 45 though so a bit younger I’m not sure if at 52 that comes with extra risks in terms of chromosome problems etc? I did have the NIPT test with no3&4 as I was a bit older just for extra peace of mind. I say if DH is on board too then give it a go!! Good luck x

The statistics aren’t in your favour.

@CraZypinkpants how old are the kids and husband now?

Surely you will get over it once your hormones have settled? "Always regret" seems a bit dramatic.

I have a good friend in her 30s. Her dad died last week, age 91. She absolutely adored him, he was a wonderful father and her closest confidante despite the 55 year age gap.

52/3 is not too old and if your dh wants kids he may well be a far more hands on father than someone in their 20s/30s who is focused on building a career.

And loads of mums at primary are mid-40s or older. Loads are also younger. Just be aware of the health risks and take whatever precautions you can to improve outcomes

Go for it!

Depends on health. A man in his 70's can have a healthy child. Really it is silly put everyone in the same basket. Also your so strongly opposed that it sounds like you have some personal things to work through. Have you had a baby in your 40's?

What a lovely post