It's too late, right?

[TrackDay]

I'm 40. DH is 52. Happily married for 15 years, childfree.

Hormones have hit me like a freight train - I want a baby.

It's way, way too late, right? It's just hormones. It'll pass?

Do you have any experience of babies and toddlers? The reason I ask is to wonder if you appreciate the enormous life change that comes with having children. Or do you have a fairytale image of how it might be?
Even though nothing can prepare you for the life changing event
Good luck with your decision

says..... YOU??

So, when your DC is 20 and at uni, you will be 61 and DH 73 - DC may still need emotional & financial support at that age.

If I'm still childless at 40 but in a stable relationship I will definitely try.

I think what's making you think it's too late is you have been with your DH a long time already. Do you fear judgement from people as to why only thinking of children now? I met my DH in my mid-late 30s, had Dd1 at 38, DS at 40 and DD2 at 42. I was a bit more nervous the third time (had extra testing etc so I'd be prepared if there were any issues) but it didn't occur to me that I'd left it too late to have children... I hadn't had the opportunity before. I think you haven't left it too late... but maybe 3 is a lot to aim for.

Op only you can decide if its what you want, but I'd give it 6mths max then go for IVF.

People are living longer these days and if they keep healthy nothing to show they wont be there for their children. Also in regards to finances. They sound rather well off.

Why don’t you just come off your birth control and see what happens. Carpe diem and all that.

Says the statistics. There’s been plenty of research on geriatric pregnancy.

Nobody can plan put their life like that. Parents can pass away or become unwell at any age. What would stop a 61/73 year old offering emotional support? The OP already said she is financially in a good position so the financial support should be fine.

I don't agree at all. I think the pros definitely outweigh the cons and risks. I had a baby at 38, 40 and 42.I wasn't ready before. DH was 50 when the last one was born and is a very hands on, involved father. I would 100% go for it

With an army of nannies and housekeepers

have you had a baby in your 40's as I have and honestly you are geriatric after 37 and honestly it has little to bearing on pregnancy. You just get extra testing. Also health is a big part. If you have had a baby in your 40's please do keep contributing on this post if not please stop as you look quiet ignorant.

5% chance of getting pregnant at 40 according to Dr Google,that's pretty low but not impossible. Just have realistic expectations OP.

I agree that MORE people than before are having babies in their 40s. But that doesn't change the fact that in 2022 the average age of a woman giving birth is 30.9 according to the ONS, while fathers are 33.8.

There were 605,479 births registered in 2022. There were only 28,694 Mothers in the 40-44 category, and in the 45+ category only 2534. So what's that, OP would find that roughly 94.8% of other mothers are going to be younger than her. She WILL be one of the oldest mothers in the playground.

Regarding age of father, in 2022 there were 290,781 paternities registered. Only 3,459 were agd 50 to 54. (for 50+ dads category as a total, it is 5,597 out of the 290,781 paternities registered - 1.9%).

There tends to be an older parent demographic on MN which skews replies on threads like this. But there is a whole other world outside of MN. OP's DH IS likely to be the oldest dad in the playground. How would he feel about that?

There will always be the exception to the rule. There may be a couple of other mothers similar to OP's age in the playground. And I don't think it's a reason not to try to do this if it's really what OP and her husband both want. But the statistics are there. It IS still not at all average to have a baby at 40, that's just fact.

Edited to put link to data in, sorry. https://www.ons.gov.uk/peoplepopulationandcommunity/birthsdeathsandmarriages/livebirths/datasets/birthsbyparentscharacteristics

Tens of thousands of women in their 40s give birth in the UK each year

That's a good point - health wise we're both very fit and active. No family health issues either side of the family at all, very lucky.

Of course it's no guarantee whatsoever but it must be a positive that we're healthy, slim, non smokers, rarely drink etc.

My active hobbies are triathlon training and pilates, DH loves rock climbing and trail running. We both have a lot of energy!

40 is not too old but 52 really is.

GivingitToGod · Today 22:38

Lazydomestic · Today 22:13
Sometimes the biggest regrets are missed opportunities and what you didn’t do 🤷‍♀️
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And there are people who regret having children

Are there? So why did they not stop at child?
Thats sad.

Nothing at all, but it’s worth considering what you can personally cope with in terms of meeting need. I work in SEN and I know multiple parents (mothers) who’ve been quite literally on the edge of a breakdown for several years, while they grapple the education system and the needs of their child, and try to get their own needs met as well. Not everyone would be able to deal, not everyone would want that for themselves, and not everyone would manage the dissonance between loving your child and regretting the life you used to have, which some people will experience.

Ignoring those basic facts when OP has asked for opinions, is simply being naive at best.

@BIossomtoes Actually, there is a massive deficit in it, and geriatric pregnancy is a term largely eschewed by medical experts these days. Perhaps you need to catch up with the times. Or not.

for a woman yes 52 isn't good but for a man it has very little bearing. If the man is healthy sperm can be fine well into a mans 70's

Who gives a shit how they look in the playground? That would be a terrible criteria on which to decide whether to have a child or not.

On a population level, it's a fact that fertility declines a lot after age 37 and that many women can't conceive after 40. Those are just facts. Of course, individuals vary enormously.

And a donor egg.