Should she replace it?

[Langarg]

My friend asked if she could borrow my Dyson airwrap for her wedding as money was tight and she couldn’t afford a hairdresser. It was a small wedding with only her, her DH and two witnesses. I reluctantly agreed (bit of a people pleaser).

The wedding was two weeks ago, we exchanged a few messages back and forth the day after her wedding. A few days later I asked if she could please return my airwrap and she didn’t reply. I messaged again saying I really need it back as I don’t have a hair dryer anymore and solely use this to dry/style my hair and she eventually replied saying she accidentally left it in the hotel however the hotel are claiming it wasn’t left there.

She was very apologetic however didn’t offer to replace it or give me the money for it. I raised this with her and explained that I shouldn’t be left without my airwrap or out of pocket for her mistake and she said that she couldn’t afford to replace or give me the money for it. She then sent me a link to a post on Facebook marketplace of someone selling an older model for £150 and said that if I buy that she can pay me back in 3 monthly instalments.

I don’t want to accept this because firstly why should I be out of pocket £150 and risk not being paid back and I don’t want an older model when I had the newer one which cost me nearly £500 less than a year ago.

I explained this to her and she said she is going to be forced to put a brand new one on her credit card which will put her in to debt. I feel awful but I really don’t know what to do?!

Please give me some advice…

YABU = buy the £150 older model and hope she pays the 3 monthly instalments
YANBU = accept her offer of her buying a replacement on her credit card

1%….. reveal yourselves!!!!!

Team Stole it!

How’s her hair been on her recent social media?

I have to say I’m very interested in how this plays out. It’s a mystery to me.

I can see how it could be forgotten at the hotel rushing to get to a wedding, but surely she went back for the rest of her stuff

I left a kindle in a hotel room
They rang me to tell me and just charged my card that i had used to pay the room for the postage and i had it back a couple of days later

Accepting the offer to replace it on her credit card is totally reasonable.
I would be tempted to reply to her offer along the lines of - Obviously, since you lost it it’s more appropriate for you to go into debt for it than me. Please buy it on your credit card ASAP. Let me know when I can expect to receive it.

But your update that she often takes advantage of you makes it seem unlikely she’ll actually do it. She may have offered but she has form for offering you money for things you’ve bought and not paying you back so I can’t see that an expensive hairdryer is going to be turning up at your door anytime soon.

You could try the legal route - when the hairdryer fails to turn up send her a letter before action then take her to small claims court for the cost of replacement. It’s fairly straightforward. You can look up the details online. It’s probably worth it (chance that she won’t pay when the court order her to and you have to consider if it’s worth paying for enforcement), but it’s going to take a long time. You aren’t getting her to replace that hairdryer any time soon.

The biggest thing you can take from this (and I’m really sorry it’s happed to you) is to wean the wheat from the chaff in your friendships much sooner. Someone who asks you to pay for things up front and then is difficult to get repayment from is not a friend. The lesson isn’t that you shouldn’t have leant her the hair dryer - who wouldn’t lend a hair dryer to a friend for their wedding? - it’s that she shouldn’t have been a friend. You should have kicked her to the kerb a long time ago and made space for friends who are worth your time and effort.

If you have other “friends” like this then start getting rid. If they’re part of a circle of friends who you want to stay in with then just treat them like someone you don’t know well and don’t want to, always some excuse when they want anything. Always a bit skint yourself and only enough for your own bill when it comes to paying. Never pursue a relationship with them outside of the larger group, nothing 1:1 or even with just one or two others.

No.

Like so many suggested messages on here, far too appeasing. Just stick to the facts.

I’m sure she has cash from wedding gifts and lucky for her they are on sale at the moment - how she pays for it isn’t your problem but absolutely she needs to replace it. I wouldn’t be surprised if she actually has it just doesn’t want to return it

Thanks for the replies, I am catching up now. I haven’t had a chance to read them all but the general consensus is that she stole it!

Totally agree that hotel staff aren’t going to risk their job for the sake of a £500 item.

I haven’t contacted the hotel yet as I wanted to gather more replies before doing so.

I think I will do as previous posters have said and contact my friend saying that I’m going to contact the hotel regarding this in the hope that she magically finds it.

She’s a keen MN user and I see this is a trending thread so I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s read it.

Can't wait to hear what happens next. Ring the hotel!
TELL her you're going to ring the hotel first!

Her offer to pay in instalments for a second-hand replacement is beyond cheeky. But hearing about your history together, maybe it shouldn't have come as a surprise.

It sounds like she's pretty chaotic, always losing and forgetting things, and unfortunately being skint tends to go along with that. I'm sure she doesn't set out to be a user, but that's what's happened. And this time you're really on the sharp end. Nobody can shrug off a £500 hit.

I certainly wouldn't faff around with insurance. She probably isn't organised enough to have it: and why should you have the stress of trying to make a claim that isn't likely to succeed, and may increase your premiums if it did?

Nope, it's time for honesty and some tough friend-love. No ifs or buts, she is obliged to replace your airwrap. How she does that is entirely her affair. Take up her offer of buying you a new one on her credit card.

If she tries to squirm out of it or make you feel bad, then it's simple - the end of the friendship. Reading between the lines (you were reluctant to be a witness at her wedding), it could be the way out you didn't know you were looking for. Expensive, but chalk it up to a lesson about people-pleasing😉

She's a CF of the highest order and I reckon she's either kept it for herself or she's sold it. She needs to replace like for like, tough if that means she goes into debt. Like fuck I'd accept an older, cheaper version.

Read the thread and I just keep getting angrier on your behalf OP. £500 and the kindness of lending is a big deal.
I would pursue recovery of your Airwrap with vigour. Replacement responsibility is premature, the best option is to recover the original.
Wake up call to your 'friend'. "I NEED MY AIRWRAP BACK" Make it clear she needs to pursue with hotel and ask her for room number. If you are kind give her a chance for it to be 'found', otherwise phone them directly and establish whether it has been reported or not. Get to the truth of it.
If not found. Make it clear she needs to return the original or transfer the money. No shoddy second hand or dubious replacements. As a concession, let her transfer £400 rather than £500 as you are happy with a like for like replacement and happily it costs less at the moment.

Nothing else is fair. A true friend would be mortified and care.

I want the friend to reply on here....

Bet her username is tealeafhair

Imagine seeing a thread about yourself…. 😂

How far away is the hotel?

honestly she seems like someone who would leave it behind and then view it as not her problem to fix. So even if the hotel did have it, if it wasn’t convenient for her to go get it, she might say she’s called and they don’t have it as she can’t be arsed sorting it out, and she doesn’t see it as her problem to fix but yours. In her mind she’s been generous offering to get the cheap crap version.

call the hotel now (they may get busy for new year eve so worth calling tonight). Be prepared that your “friend” will not be of the opinion it’s her job to go get it. If you want it back you might have to do the drive.

call time on this relationship either way. Life’s too short for people who see you as unimportant.

1000% brand new replacement - no way I’d be accepting of some second hand, potentially dodgy older model!

I am loving the fact that she might be reading this, serves her damn right 😂

I don't think she lost it...

I guess that works out who the 1% yabu is!

She's a mumsnetter?
Well she'll not like being outed as a grade A CF. 🤣

I wouldn't tell the friend that I'm going to contact the hotel before I actually contact the hotel.

Phone the hotel, speak with the duty manager and ask if any items were found in any of the rooms of the guest of X wedding party as you're missing a Dyson Air Wrap that the bride claimed she left in the room and you're following up on that as you loaned it to the bride. See what the hotel says.

THEN contact your friend with the information from the hotel to hand. Give the cheeky fecker the least amount of wiggle room possible here.

What a total bitch.
I'd expect the exact model to be delivered to me tomorrow and if she gets in debt, that's a her problem, not a you problem.

If she hadn't been such an idiot in the first place, she wouldn't be in this postition.
Good luck to her husband.

She's kept it or sold it. 100%.

I'd be surprised if a member of staff stole it as it would be pretty obvious someone would chase up a £500 hairdryer. Agree that you should phone yourself.

She borrowed a high-cost item, peppering the request to borrow it with emotional blackmail, but then was careless and 'left it' in the hotel?!!

She deserves to pay every penny of that £500.

Do not accept the £150 model. YOU worked hard to treat yourself to the better model. You shouldn't have to accept a second hand, older model to save her pocket.

She fucked up. She pays.