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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

Should she replace it?

1000 replies

Langarg · 30/12/2024 16:57

My friend asked if she could borrow my Dyson airwrap for her wedding as money was tight and she couldn’t afford a hairdresser. It was a small wedding with only her, her DH and two witnesses. I reluctantly agreed (bit of a people pleaser).

The wedding was two weeks ago, we exchanged a few messages back and forth the day after her wedding. A few days later I asked if she could please return my airwrap and she didn’t reply. I messaged again saying I really need it back as I don’t have a hair dryer anymore and solely use this to dry/style my hair and she eventually replied saying she accidentally left it in the hotel however the hotel are claiming it wasn’t left there.

She was very apologetic however didn’t offer to replace it or give me the money for it. I raised this with her and explained that I shouldn’t be left without my airwrap or out of pocket for her mistake and she said that she couldn’t afford to replace or give me the money for it. She then sent me a link to a post on Facebook marketplace of someone selling an older model for £150 and said that if I buy that she can pay me back in 3 monthly instalments.

I don’t want to accept this because firstly why should I be out of pocket £150 and risk not being paid back and I don’t want an older model when I had the newer one which cost me nearly £500 less than a year ago.

I explained this to her and she said she is going to be forced to put a brand new one on her credit card which will put her in to debt. I feel awful but I really don’t know what to do?!

Please give me some advice…

YABU = buy the £150 older model and hope she pays the 3 monthly instalments
YANBU = accept her offer of her buying a replacement on her credit card

OP posts:
Thread gallery
10
BIossomtoes · 30/12/2024 22:11

theallotmentqueen · 30/12/2024 22:06

It’s the fact that she didn’t immediately tell you which irritates me, and you had to chase her. If she’d immediately contacted you I think that would be one thing. Irritating but understandable. But it’s the fact that she didn’t even tell you and just left you to chase her up.

I don’t know. I suppose it depends on how you feel about the friendship, whether you think she can actually afford it but is lying, how you think it will affect the friendship. It’s deeply frustrating that although she has lost your expensive item, somehow it’s on you to let her off the hook to preserve the friendship. I think you have a few options.

  1. let her off the hook (£150 replacement she pays for in installments). However, have a serious conversation with her not only about the fact that she lost your expensive item, but that she didn’t even tell you. That’s so incredibly disrespectful and not nice. Make it very clear that kind of behaviour isn’t ok.
  2. Demand £500 back (perfectly reasonable). However, probably expect your friendship to be over or at least seriously impaired if you take this option.
  3. ask her to pay the £500 back very slowly over time (£30 a month?) pros: she might be able to do this. Cons: you can’t rely on her paying you the full amount back.

The only one of those options that would work for me is 2.

Pedallleur · 30/12/2024 22:12

There are no options. Replace the item (or give it back). No instalments, used off eBay etc. it's a new one from whoever is selling them. Bought on cc or paid for on PayPal credit or klarna. It's that simple. No debating, making stories up. Lost it, bought you another or I've found it after all!!

Sceptical123 · 30/12/2024 22:15

Grumpyoldthing · 30/12/2024 20:57

It’s going to turn up after she’s used it for new years 🤣

Absolutely this

Flatandhappy · 30/12/2024 22:15

Wow she is a cheeky cow, please update when she returns it!

u3ername · 30/12/2024 22:17

If it was a small registry wedding with just two witnesses why is a hotel even featuring in the story? Especially if they don't have any spare money...
Do you know what hotel is that, Op?

Maddy70 · 30/12/2024 22:17

She should put in on her credit card and pay it off I'm installments although I'm a soft touch and would probably tell her not to bother

AngelicKaty · 30/12/2024 22:19

theallotmentqueen · 30/12/2024 22:06

It’s the fact that she didn’t immediately tell you which irritates me, and you had to chase her. If she’d immediately contacted you I think that would be one thing. Irritating but understandable. But it’s the fact that she didn’t even tell you and just left you to chase her up.

I don’t know. I suppose it depends on how you feel about the friendship, whether you think she can actually afford it but is lying, how you think it will affect the friendship. It’s deeply frustrating that although she has lost your expensive item, somehow it’s on you to let her off the hook to preserve the friendship. I think you have a few options.

  1. let her off the hook (£150 replacement she pays for in installments). However, have a serious conversation with her not only about the fact that she lost your expensive item, but that she didn’t even tell you. That’s so incredibly disrespectful and not nice. Make it very clear that kind of behaviour isn’t ok.
  2. Demand £500 back (perfectly reasonable). However, probably expect your friendship to be over or at least seriously impaired if you take this option.
  3. ask her to pay the £500 back very slowly over time (£30 a month?) pros: she might be able to do this. Cons: you can’t rely on her paying you the full amount back.

It's the fact that she didn't immediately tell OP which tells me her story is as full of holes as Swiss cheese - phoning OP, apologising profusely and telling her I'd already ordered her a brand new AirWrap is the least I would do in this situation as I'd be utterly mortified to have been so careless with a friend's valuable property.
In OP's position, option 2 would be the only one I would take - I absolutely couldn't tolerate someone so disrespectful in my life. And if I didn't get my original AirWrap back by the end of this week (or £500 cash or a brand new one) I'd be writing her a Letter Before (Court) Action prior to making a claim against her in the Small Claims Court for £500 plus 8% Statutory Interest - that might help the CF find her moral compass! 😡

ChiliFiend · 30/12/2024 22:21

TidyDancer · 30/12/2024 17:14

This is a good message, I would go with something like this. You're not giving room for a reasonable argument against that plan.

I agree she's either sold it or trying to keep it and hoping you'll be uncomfortable enough to say don't worry about it now she's given you the lack of money sob story.

Show quote history

I also agree - if it's been stolen (according to her story, it has) then someone needs to file a police report. Pointing this out is going to make her uncomfortable if it was her (hopefully it wasn't as the idea of your friend doing that to you is pretty depressing).

Sceptical123 · 30/12/2024 22:21

Iloveacurry · 30/12/2024 22:05

This reminds me of the ‘friend’ who picked up her friend’s glasses after a weekend away and pretended they were hers!

Yes! Some ppl have no shame!

Scentedjasmin · 30/12/2024 22:22

I think that a good compromise might be for her to buy one on sale and maybe you contribute £50 towards the cost to cover the fact that it wasn't brand new, you'd been using it for a year and would be getting a brand new one, which presumably would have a warranty on for a couple of years.

BIossomtoes · 30/12/2024 22:23

Scentedjasmin · 30/12/2024 22:22

I think that a good compromise might be for her to buy one on sale and maybe you contribute £50 towards the cost to cover the fact that it wasn't brand new, you'd been using it for a year and would be getting a brand new one, which presumably would have a warranty on for a couple of years.

wtf? Are you mad? Pay her £50 for deceit and carelessness? No way.

MadnessIsMyMiddleName · 30/12/2024 22:25

DISGUSTING behaviour on the part of your so called friend OP. Although after the update saying that she has form for this, then I'm half tempted to say that it's your own fault for lending such an expensive item to her, after all, at the end of the day, it might have been her wedding, but literally millions of women have managed without a fancy £500 hairdryer for their wedding. However, she definitely owes you a brand new one, and I agree with those who think she probably used it, liked it, and decided to keep it for herself. In fact, I'd be tempted to ring the hotel myself and check whether she ever called them about having left it behind, but then I'm suspicious by nature. Put your foot down with her, and don't let her weasel her way out of this. Then NEVER, EVER loan ANYONE anything ever again!

Allthehorsesintheworld · 30/12/2024 22:25

No way should you accept an older, second hand one when she’s lost one worth hundreds more.
She definitely has to put a new one in a credit card.

EdithBond · 30/12/2024 22:25

TwistedWonder · 30/12/2024 21:44

She’s lying through her teeth.

I did accidentally once leave my GHD’s in a hotel room and within an hour of arriving home, the hotel rang me to tell me they’d been found and would be left in lost property to be collected.
Ditto when my now ex left his jacket hanging up in the wardrobe - we had a call from the hotel within hours.

Show quote history

This is what professionally run hotels, with a desire for a good reputation, obviously do. Because if guests leave belongings in rooms (very common) they can easily check who it belongs to via the room booking.

That’s why it’s best to accompany the ‘friend’ to the hotel. If an expensive item’s been left in an hotel room, you shouldn’t expect it to be stolen by hotel staff. By calling the hotel staff out on theft, you’re accepting the ‘friend’s’ story at face value. But she’ll have to support you in demanding answers from the hotel and face the fact a police report will be needed.

MooFroo · 30/12/2024 22:25

Call the hotel and check ?

tell her to get it using Klarna or something like that?
catalogues do interest free as well

she absolutely needs to replace like for like and may even get it discounted in the sales

GertrudePerkinsPaperyThing · 30/12/2024 22:28

Offcom · 30/12/2024 17:01

She should replace your exact model without grumbling!

Absolutely this! She’ll have to pay the £500 back to the credit card company in instalments then.

Eddielizzard · 30/12/2024 22:28

Def something dodgy as she didn't contact you about it. I really do hope she magically finds it, but really, she's a very bad friend.

Chickdaft · 30/12/2024 22:29

The OP hasn’t come back so I’d guess she’s not going to ask for her air wrap to be replaced as feels she can’t? More fool her but it’s her choice.
if she can afford to replace at nearly £500 then again it’s her choice….her friend can keep it.

VesperLind · 30/12/2024 22:29

There will be another excuse/ delay on the 2nd. People like her can play these games indefinitely. Before you know where you are it will be March and somehow you will still be going back and forth on it with her. You’re not getting it back I fear.

AngelicKaty · 30/12/2024 22:29

Scentedjasmin · 30/12/2024 22:22

I think that a good compromise might be for her to buy one on sale and maybe you contribute £50 towards the cost to cover the fact that it wasn't brand new, you'd been using it for a year and would be getting a brand new one, which presumably would have a warranty on for a couple of years.

What?! Are you the "friend"? Why should OP do that? She lent her "friend" a valuable item in good faith and it hasn't been returned to her - this is entirely on the CF to make OP whole again.

thinblurredblueline · 30/12/2024 22:29

MooFroo · 30/12/2024 22:25

Call the hotel and check ?

tell her to get it using Klarna or something like that?
catalogues do interest free as well

she absolutely needs to replace like for like and may even get it discounted in the sales

She has, the hotel said they didn't know anything about it! She told the "friend" who then said she plans to drive 2hours to the hotel to query it!

I'm wondering unless there are photos to prove was she even at a bloody hotel?

Fraggeek · 30/12/2024 22:31

I'm just here for the update!!

Teanbiscuits33 · 30/12/2024 22:32

Scentedjasmin · 30/12/2024 22:22

I think that a good compromise might be for her to buy one on sale and maybe you contribute £50 towards the cost to cover the fact that it wasn't brand new, you'd been using it for a year and would be getting a brand new one, which presumably would have a warranty on for a couple of years.

With respect, what planet are you on? OP has had her expensive belongings stolen and you think it’s reasonable she should pay to get her own airwrap back? WHAT. THE. FUCK!? Even if the item was innocently forgotten by the friend, the fact her friend forgot it is not the OP’s issue. If this is how you would deal with this sort of situation happening to you, you’re a compete mug.

WearyAuldWumman · 30/12/2024 22:33

Chickdaft · 30/12/2024 22:29

The OP hasn’t come back so I’d guess she’s not going to ask for her air wrap to be replaced as feels she can’t? More fool her but it’s her choice.
if she can afford to replace at nearly £500 then again it’s her choice….her friend can keep it.

But she has come back. Check the thread.

AlwaysGotAnOpinion · 30/12/2024 22:35

OMG 😱 I genuinely can’t wait to see how this pans out with your friend’s return trip to the hotel 🤣

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