Should she replace it?

[Langarg]

My friend asked if she could borrow my Dyson airwrap for her wedding as money was tight and she couldn’t afford a hairdresser. It was a small wedding with only her, her DH and two witnesses. I reluctantly agreed (bit of a people pleaser).

The wedding was two weeks ago, we exchanged a few messages back and forth the day after her wedding. A few days later I asked if she could please return my airwrap and she didn’t reply. I messaged again saying I really need it back as I don’t have a hair dryer anymore and solely use this to dry/style my hair and she eventually replied saying she accidentally left it in the hotel however the hotel are claiming it wasn’t left there.

She was very apologetic however didn’t offer to replace it or give me the money for it. I raised this with her and explained that I shouldn’t be left without my airwrap or out of pocket for her mistake and she said that she couldn’t afford to replace or give me the money for it. She then sent me a link to a post on Facebook marketplace of someone selling an older model for £150 and said that if I buy that she can pay me back in 3 monthly instalments.

I don’t want to accept this because firstly why should I be out of pocket £150 and risk not being paid back and I don’t want an older model when I had the newer one which cost me nearly £500 less than a year ago.

I explained this to her and she said she is going to be forced to put a brand new one on her credit card which will put her in to debt. I feel awful but I really don’t know what to do?!

Please give me some advice…

YABU = buy the £150 older model and hope she pays the 3 monthly instalments
YANBU = accept her offer of her buying a replacement on her credit card

I wouldn’t lend anybody money I wasn't prepared to lose. Never borrow, never lend, never lose a friend.

I know! Why would the OP accept an older model off Facebook marketplace?
I can’t believe people are suggesting this 🤨 Why on earth would she do that?
Friend should buy a brand new one , not Op’s fault she left it in hotel.
A true friend would be mortified and would immediately replace like for like instead of offering to buy an older one and whinging about having to put it on a credit card 🙄

She might be covered on her house insurance. Ours covers lost items outside of the house? Just a thought.

@Teanbiscuits33 that’s what I was thinking, she has shot herself in the foot as she has to follow through with the lie that it’s been lost and keep it while handing over a brand new dryer. I’m guessing OP’s dryer will miraculously turn up to avoid spending £500. She was expecting to feed OP the lost dryer story and probably assumed OP would say “don’t worry about it”.

She sounds awful.
Honestly, I doubt she'll replace it.
A harsh lesson learnt (don't lend what you can't afford to lose) sadly.

Good for you 🙄

It doesn't matter if something costs £5 or £500. It's the principle. A decent friend would not have to be asked twice to return loaned goods.

The OP may have saved hard to treat herself. She doesn't have to justify expensive purchases.

If you borrow something from a friend, you make sure the item gets back to them.

OP already said she used some of bonus, not that it matters in the slightest.

Be it an item for £5 or £500 if you lose someone else's item you replace it with the same.

It's basic manners/common courtesy.

This has wound me up so much. Her attitude stinks. Even if she said she could only pay £5 a month but grovelled and was mortified and took full responsibility, that would be better than how she is behaving now. Your friendship is over. Get the money for that straightener.

Ah, the ‘friend’ has arrived!

I bought myself an Airwrap. I couldn't get on with it so I sent it back. I was very stressed that I might not be able to return it for a refund, luckily Dyson are very obliging. Spending £500 on something that makes your life a little bit easier, and probably makes you a little bit happy, is not "having more money than sense".

However, it's a bit dense to describe it as a hairdryer.

Yeah but now she has to keep OPs used hairdryer and spend £500 for the privilege 🤣🤣. The thieving bitch deserves it, but it’s unlikely to happen. She tried to take OP for a mug offering the £150 model as it still would have been a great deal for the thief!

I don't think you should tell her that you are going to phone the hotel, you should just phone them anyway.

Wow... thank you very much for sharing this! 🙏

I'd be absolutely mortified if I lost an item as expensive as this. Did she really think you were going to shrug your shoulders and say never mind.

No way would I be accepting a £150 one off Facebook with no guarantee.

I'm guessing she'll ghost you rather than cough up.

She already knows if she's a Mumsnetter and has read this thread!

£500 is not an insignificant sum of money. She should absolutely buy you a like for like replacement as soon as possible. It’s not even a question.

If she refuses to pay up I would send a letter before claim and take her to small claims court.

She owes you a duty of care to take care of the item you lent her. She was obviously negligent.

She's a mooch and a user.

You must insist that she buy you the new one. I'll bet she received plenty of money in wedding presents, let her spend it on your hair dryer. Do not accept a used model.

In future do not lend valuable items no matter what the circumstances.

She absolutely should replace it. And as she has form for not paying promptly definitely let her put it on credit card rather than paying it in installments to you (and definitely not second hand).

Her insurance won’t cover it because it’s not hers. She didn’t pay for it, so she hasn’t suffered a financial loss.

If OP has contents away from home it might be covered on there though, so good shout!

Money isn’t of little object, I used my bonus to treat myself.

Anyway, I have an update! I decided not to give her the heads up that I was calling the hotel. I called the hotel and they knew nothing of it. Instead of messaging my ‘friend’ I decided to put her on the spot and phone her, rather than giving her a chance to think of a reply by text message.

I asked her if she definitely stayed at (insert name of hotel), as I’d contacted them and they had heard nothing of the airwrap having been left. She started going on about GDPR and that they probably couldn’t speak about other guests hotel stay. I told her that I’m disappointed it’s dragged out for as long as it has and that I’d like her to order a new airwrap tonight. She said that her and DH are going to drive to the hotel on the 2nd to speak to the manager in person… I have a funny feeling she’s speaking BS and that the airwrap will magically appear following her fake return trip to the hotel! After all, it’s a 4 hour round trip for her to make. Watch this space!

YANBU. Though, as you’ve realised, you should never have loaned a £500 item to such an unreliable and forgetful friend.

I wonder if she (or possibly her partner or one of their witnesses) has sold it (or is trying to sell it), perhaps to cover the cost of the wedding. Maybe check EBay, Vinted and FB Marketplace to see if it’s listed in your area.

I agree with PPs that you should contact the hotel yourself. But first, ask your (former) friend:

• where she left it in the hotel
• who she contacted at the hotel to ask if it was still there.

That way, you can contact the same person to verify her story.

Also, by asking her where she left it, it’ll help you know how to proceed. If she left it somewhere:

• It should have been safe (e.g. her hotel room), you can tell the hotel you need to report to the police as theft (e.g. housekeeping may have stolen it) and tell your friend you’ve reported the theft to the police.

• Unsafe, such as in an unattended bag left in the lobby, bar or another public area, that clearly shows she had disregard for your expensive item, and makes an even stronger case for the need for her to give you the money to replace it. If you borrow a £500 item and leave it unattended in a public place, expect to replace it if it’s (inevitably) taken.

Brilliant update @Langarg I hope you get your airwrap back and ditch the ‘friend’.

Goodness me she is taking the piss! She needs to buy you a brand new one. She should be way more apologetic and shouldve offered to buy you one straight away. She ignored your first request for it as well. So out of order on so many fronts.

I think she has kept the dyson air wrap

Unlikely you would leave it in a room