To think DP is being used by so called "friend"

[Queenjuliana]

Apologies for the long post, it takes a bit of explaining....DP has a friend who lives in Germany with his partner. DP and friend have known each other since childhood, went to school together etc. They are only in contact via social media, mainly to talk about football and reminisce about the old days. From what I can gather, the friend leads an "alternative" lifestyle. They don't have proper jobs, they smoke dope, and are self described "anarchists" ( whatever that is!) The friend's wife has recently been diagnosed with breast cancer. The friend has asked my partner to set up a Go Fund me page to raise money for her. The target is £9000. Apparently he does not want to do this himself because the money cannot be traceable to him. After lots of questioning to a very defensive DP, this is what I've managed to surmise..She is getting free health care treatment in Germany for her cancer. But due to the cancer she cannot work (cleaning job I believe) So they want the funds for living expenses. Germany of course have a sickness benefit which can be claimed but I'm assuming they haven't paid anything into the scheme as they are not eligible. So why am I resentful of this kind act my DP is doing? This friend has history of coming to DP when he needs money. DP is a soft touch, very kindhearted and an easy target. He talked him into "investing" £500 in the past to some hare brained music company he was supposedly setting up. Obviously the money was never seen again. Also, why can't the friend support his own wife? I personally can't see why he expects other people to donate to their living expenses because he hasn't bothered to get a decent job, and because they haven't paid into the health insurance scheme over there. The collection is going well and they have got to £7000. On top of this, because the money has to be untraceable, the friend has to have it in cash so DP has agreed to fly to Germany with it!! I know it's not my business but it all sounds so dodgy and underhand. I have every sympathy for her cancer diagnosis but she is getting well cared for and her prognosis is good as caught early. I'm pretty sure the friend would not be doing the same for DP if the roles were reversed. AIBU to think DP is being taken for a mug and this whole thing sounds like a scam?

Good point. So he’s a mug basically. Doing something dodgey and forking out his own money to facilitate it

OP has your DP realised he may need to declare this to HMRC which will be why no one else wants to help?

It could also have an impact on his own personal taxes, benefits etc.

www.dsburge.co.uk/tax/crowdfunding-tax-implications/

Ah yes, "anarchists"... 😒🙄

If it looks like a duck, and it quacks like a duck, it’s a duck.

And all hand luggage is scanned.

@Queenjuliana your DPs anger about being confronted and refusing to accept this might be dodgy, are very common among victims of scams.

Ultimately there's nothing you can do if he's determined, but there is information online about how to talk to people you believe are falling for a scam, mainly aimed at relatives of the elderly. You might be able to give it a go.

https://www.independentage.org/get-advice/money/scams/how-to-help-someone-if-you-think-theyre-being-scammed

10k in cash is going to test positive for cocaine according to my cousin who works for a bank. With the terrorism alerts in Germany there's going to be sniffer dogs.

Of course the package will show up in scans.

I think it sounds like dpfriend has conned your dp into raising/giving 7K to give them without declaring it to the proper channels . If word gets out its a bit of a con then its your dp whose reputation will be in tatters...
Did dp not think it through? Might he beasked to repay the 7K if word gets out?
I would be furious that all those people gave their money to a not 100% legitimate cause.... I hope it doesn't all come back to bite him

Thanks for the info, I did wonder about it.
Obviously then the reason the husband won't come across to collect the money from your husband, is because he will be taking a lot of money through the airport when he returns to Germany.
Not daft is he ?
Still think he's barmy (your OH) even contemplating it.

Sorry I don't really understand what you mean by it will test positive for cocaine??

A percentage of all notes are used to snort cocaine. If your DP is taking €10,000, some of those notes will have cocaine on them and @justasking111 is saying the sniffer dogs in Germany will stop him.

Well I've had a look at the GFM page and in the photo she looks clearly as if she's in a hospital bed..

I hate to say it but this is the sort of hair brained scheme a family member of mine would have got involved in and they have had many a short stay in prison as a result. I'd be giving him an ultimatum.

Has DP met his friends partner? How does he know it's a genuine picture?

Yes I've given up trying to talk him out of it or make him see sense. It seems the more I challenge him about it the more adamant he is to see it through. We are financially independent of one another so it's going to be him alone who'll face the music if it goes wrong

Yes, he has. It's definitely her x

Yes make sure it's in writing. With my family member they would be absolutely adamant everything was above board, not illegal etc etc. Then low and behold he'd end up banged up. Make sure you are very clearly not tied up in any of this. I'd be fuming!

Let’s hope he isn’t ringing you from a police cell expecting you to move heaven and earth to get in touch with the embassy to try to get him released/home!

100% this. With my family member they did something similar and ended up in prison for 12 months...abroad. cue lots of pleading for me / others to write statements to the judge to try and get them to see they were of good character. It didn't work. He was still in prison 12 months later.

This is what I think - I believe the wife has got cancer, tho I don't think it's life threatening in terms of seriousness. What I have a problem with is why Dps friend couldn't raise the money himself. And that phrase " needs to be untraceable" - I mean when you hear that it instantly sounds like a dodgy deal. And happily allowing my DP to fly to Germany to deliver it, thereby being the one to take the risk on his behalf. That's not something you would ask a friend to do. I mentioned to Dp the £500 he paid him a few years back as an investment into his music project - "oh I'd forgotten all about that!" he said...typical of him he is so not bothered about money. You'd think we were loaded!! (We're not!)

I really feel for you. Its such a tricky situation. I've become quite atuned to fishy schemes and this clearly is one. Has he considered how he might react if he thought you were doing something similar?

The whole "untraceable" aspect just absolutely reaks of fraud.

I don't know if you took note of my earlier post, @Queenjuliana - but let me reiterate:

In order to convert the £7000 or whatever to Euros, your partner will have to provide picture identity (passportor DL) and proof of where the funds came from, in the form of bank statements.

If he takes the cash to Germany in £££, his 'friend' will have to do the same there.

Unless either of them is a money laundering oligarch, the cash will have to be accounted for.

When it all goes tits-up and DP asks you to bail him out... don't. Doesn't matter what he asks you to do, don't do it. It doesn't matter what story he tells you or how upset he is. Don't do anything that involves you in any of this.

The donations have been for various amounts, lowest £10 and highest £350! From a mixture of anonymous and named donors. He's told me he was planning to pay for the flight from the funds raised, but he could be just saying that so as not to piss me off even more. If I reported it to GFM it would be obvious it was me and that would cause all sorts of strife.

Oh blimey. If he does that he moves from being simply well-meaning but stupid to fundamentally fraudulent in his own right. Using funds meant to support a family facing a cancer crisis for his own purposes.

Has he explained on his page that he intends to take the funds raised, convert to cash and take it out to germany personally, using part of the proceeds to finance the trip?