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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Anyone else hate the expectation to shave down there?

683 replies

BearDownThere · 29/12/2024 21:40

Is anyone else fed up of the expectation/strong preference for going completely shave pubic hair? I’m female and have only had male partners, but prepared to believe women have this expectation too if others have experienced it. I mean each to their own, but personally I find it feels child-like. Has anyone managed to find a compromise with their partner on this?

YABU- It’s nice to do things for your partner

YANBU-my hair my choice

OP posts:
lavenderlou · 30/12/2024 08:42

It was very uncommon to remove all pubic hair before the Internet porn era though. I was a teen/early 20s in the 90s and my friends and I used to do a "bikini wax" of just the edges. Never heard of anyone removing it all. "Brazilians" became popular during the early 2000s, just when Internet port was really taking off. I remember hearing about it first on an episode of Sex and the City. Decided it wasn't for me as just waxing the edges was painful enough!

Penguinmouse · 30/12/2024 08:46

I use a trimmer to keep tidy but I remember a university boyfriend asking me to shave and it made me feel really insecure! We didn’t last long.

TheKeatingFive · 30/12/2024 08:46

I just don't do it. But I guess that's easy for me to say as I've been with the same man for decades.

Nothatgingerpirate · 30/12/2024 08:51

Yes, I hate it.
I'm 45, married for 20 years and no fucking man would dictate where or how often I should or shouldn't shave.
Obviously, my husband doesn't. 😊

Mischance · 30/12/2024 09:03

Ablondiebutagoody · 30/12/2024 08:30

So is anyone who shaves anything a paedo?

Genitals are bald prepuberty. I would be wary of any man who tried to pressure me to make myself look like a prepubertal child for his sexual pleasure.

Women choosing to shave their genitals as a free preference of their own - that is different.

Netcam · 30/12/2024 09:03

Lostinmusic22 · 30/12/2024 08:05

I have never felt pressure - and if I did it would indicate this was not the relationship for me. I am not a porn star, I am a natural adult woman and insist on total respect. I wouldn’t shave or even consider anything beyond a very tidy neat trim.

We are not blow up dolls.
Men do not get to call the shots on our intimate areas. We need to set some standards for the younger generation as well as making choices in our best interests. Whatever they are.

Edited

Very well said.

Mischance · 30/12/2024 09:06

being naturally very dark haired was a recipe for disaster down there!

I am very dark haired and have never felt any sense of pubic disaster. What do you mean by this?

Ablondiebutagoody · 30/12/2024 09:09

Mischance · 30/12/2024 09:03

Genitals are bald prepuberty. I would be wary of any man who tried to pressure me to make myself look like a prepubertal child for his sexual pleasure.

Women choosing to shave their genitals as a free preference of their own - that is different.

So are legs, armpits and men's faces. I would reflect on why shaved genitals instantly make you think of children if I was you. Maybe keep those thoughts to yourself

muddyford · 30/12/2024 09:10

Thank goodness I am of a generation where this wasn't an expectation. Mine is nearly black and pretty lush! DH has never ever commented other than positively.

Hdkatznahtw125sgh · 30/12/2024 09:14

I’m a 26 year old lesbian that shaves it all off, certainly nothing to do with any men (or women) tbh. However, I wouldn't care about the hair or otherwise of a sexual partner. People can choose what they want to do. Lots of hypocrites on here moaning about women grooming for a man but then having an opinion that these women should be natural and anything else is wrong.

Mischance · 30/12/2024 09:15

Ablondiebutagoody · 30/12/2024 09:09

So are legs, armpits and men's faces. I would reflect on why shaved genitals instantly make you think of children if I was you. Maybe keep those thoughts to yourself

It is about free personal choice, which is lost if pressured by a partner. Pubic/genital shaving has sexual connotations that do not exist for legs, armpits and beards.

Vinni8 · 30/12/2024 09:15

I will say that I know very few men who prefer shaved. The vast majority don't really care one way or another - vag is vag. But I know many more men who actually prefer pubic hair than vice versa. Though, again, I severely doubt any man who really does prefer bush would actively turn down a woman because she was shaved.

I also think it's different to shaved legs, armpits, whatever else. To me, that's exaggerating a sex characteristic. Women tend to have less hairy legs than men, so women shave them bald to exaggerate the difference, thus appearing more "feminine".

However, growing pubic hair is what happens when you go through puberty. Adult men and women tend to have equally hairy pubic areas - the area around it might be a little less hairy in woman eg upper thighs, lower stomach, etc. but the actual pubic area of a woman has hair that is just as dense, thick, and long as a man's. (I used to organise life drawing classes so I really feel like I've seen a great deal of bodies in my time 🤣)

So really there is nothing feminine about a bald pubic area, which to me makes it fundamentally different to the motivation/origin behind the practice of shaving legs.

Of course, I fully endorse a woman keeping their hair on any and all parts of their body. I just think the difference is clear.

Funnywonder · 30/12/2024 09:18

derbiee · 30/12/2024 01:14

Because men have brains and practice using them, women just go 'i don't want to do it but can't think so i will blame society'

Difficult to detect tone on here, but I’m assuming sarcasm. Women can of course make a perfectly independent decision to shave off the lot, fashion it into the shape of a heart, maybe even provide a helpful arrow. But the OP specifically said she hated the ‘expectation’ to shave, so I was addressing that.

CandyCane457 · 30/12/2024 09:19

theresabluebirdinmyheart · 29/12/2024 23:54

That is easy to say when you’re in your 30s/40s/50s.
I am amazed so many women in this thread saying they never felt any pressure from men to wax or shave. I’m 38, when I was late teens and early twenties guys constantly made jokes about wizards sleeves/kebabs/fishy fannys/hairy fannies/smelly and dirty minges. Literally every part of a woman’s body has something wrong with it according to these guys.

I know now they were all sad creeps but if that’s what you are surrounded by at a young age you don’t know any better… I’m sure I can’t have been the only young girl who knew guys like this??

Ergh yes, I remember ALL these phrases! Gross! As if they were perfect 🙄

Luckily for me though, these type of men weren’t the ones I was sleeping with, and they never got to see my fanny so it meant nothing. I’ve never had pressure from a guy I’m with to have my pubic hair in any particular way. I am bald down there but it’s completely my choice, my preference, just much prefer the look and feel of it this way.

CandyCane457 · 30/12/2024 09:27

theduchessofspork · 30/12/2024 02:27

Because no one alters their appearance in a vacuum, we do it because we’ve been sold the idea it’s attractive, which is a social construct.

I feel so lucky that my mind doesn’t work this way, and I can happily shave my fanny purely because it’s what I like to do 😊

queenmeadhbh · 30/12/2024 09:30

CandyCane457 · 30/12/2024 09:27

I feel so lucky that my mind doesn’t work this way, and I can happily shave my fanny purely because it’s what I like to do 😊

Your mind is not some special magical mind that is completely immune to social conditioning.

CandyCane457 · 30/12/2024 09:33

queenmeadhbh · 30/12/2024 09:30

Your mind is not some special magical mind that is completely immune to social conditioning.

No, but I just don’t think the way you do… thankfully!!

queenmeadhbh · 30/12/2024 09:39

? How do you know the way I think? All
i have said is that you are not immune to socialisation.@CandyCane457

CandyCane457 · 30/12/2024 09:43

queenmeadhbh · 30/12/2024 09:39

? How do you know the way I think? All
i have said is that you are not immune to socialisation.@CandyCane457

Edited

I just don’t go that deep, it’s just shaving my pubes!

aCatCalledFawkes · 30/12/2024 09:44

The only ex who did pressure me and went on and on about how I should shave all my pubic hair off and how I would enjoy it etc (even though shaving regrowth is itchy and even worse to look at imo) turned out be a rather abusive ex anyway. He was vile in all sorts of other areas as well as sex and by the end I couldn’t bear him touching me.

My current partner absolutely wouldn’t say anything at all, whatever I did although I think he would be turned off if it all came off but he just wouldn’t tell what to do with my body.

claudiawinklemansfringetrimmer · 30/12/2024 09:46

I’m 32 and never really felt any pressure to fully shave, although in my teen years I remember panicking if I wasn’t fully tidy and trimmed before seeing my boyfriend. Never once had someone act less than thrilled to be seeing my fanny

ARealitycheck · 30/12/2024 09:48

@claudiawinklemansfringetrimmer I have no opinion on her lady garden styling, but please lop that bloody fringe off claudia. Let the poor woman see where she going. 😂

Midnight19 · 30/12/2024 09:49

"Anyone hate the expectation to shave down there?" I hate any pressure to meet the expectations of others, if it's not what I want to do. But you can apply this to anything not just how you want your pussy. Each to their own and no shame on anyone who makes their own choice as long as it's not harming anyone else. There's more to life❤️

Disturbia81 · 30/12/2024 09:49

Never felt pressure, just always liked to be trimmed myself and for them to be trimmed, not for appearance but just of making the errr.. job at hand easier.

WasThatACorner · 30/12/2024 09:50

I prefer no hair down there for myself but I love that DW doesn't shave hers. Obviously no pressure either way, she does what she wants and I do what I want.

There's no pandering to a male gaze here, neither of us are trend setters / followers and we aren't showing anything to anyone else so not the pressure of societal beauty standards.

I would not be OK with any sort of pressure to remove / leave hair or to change any other aspect of myself. It sounds like most people aren't being told by anyone that they should though, if it's a pressure you're putting on yourself why not stop?

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