Our comfort chat turned into an ear slitting screaming session

[Bridget05]

Ok admittedly I'm possibly much older than you lot out there, so I might need to call a taxi but here goes.
It's just after Christmas and I live in a tiny village with one coffee shop. We attract loads of families walking on weekends which is fine. But of course the shop is heaving. Again it's OK.
My friend had an awful Christmas day with an adult autistic son, a missing pet cat = son meltdown and she just needed a shoulder. Could not go to either home as hers contains adult son, mine contains old husband watching Wheeler Dealers on full volume.
So we luckily find our usual table and get a coffee ....okaaayyy I had cake as well.
A group of grandparents, parents and a toddler arrive and sit next to us..still OK.

Now I fully understand toddlers are noisy, I get it. But to keep the already overexcited child entertained they then began an interminable game of peek a boo, who's got your nose, piggy toes etc, which then turns a chatty chirping child into a screaming harpy , creating such a noise that no one can speak. My poor friend was almost in tears from the stress.
Eventually I nicely said (yes I can do nice) that while everyone understands children's noise, could they please not add to it by encouraging her.
Seems walkers from the big city find it difficult to take polite requests. Enough said.
So AIBU to just expect a parent not to encouraging loud noise in an already packed out Cafe or us it open season on quiet breaks now.

The OP's friend was already in a place of oversensitivity having had a bad Christnas due her child's behaviour. The OP has clearly described a situation where they don't like these pesky city folks. I therefore suggest the other family may well have been interacting in a normal way and at a normal noise level but the cafe was not an appropriate venue for the oversensitive friend to find comfort especially when the friend accompanying her already had issues with the other people being there. Would love to have been a fly on the wall to see the true events.

Would love to have been a fly om the wall to see the true events

Same!

100% this. Also the child was interacting with their fsmily. Better that than sitting on a tablet.

Perhaps you could have got the coffee to go and went a walk and chatted if nowhere in your house was appropriate? Like the kitchen?

Okay so you were there hoping to have a quiet space for your friend as she needed it. You have no idea of the couples circumstances or why they were there as they did not know yours. I am failing to understand how you can expect customers in a cafe to be quiet for you, yet you could not ask your own husband for an hour or two of peace in your own home.

A cafe is just that, a meeting place for all and everyone will have a reason for being there. Only the cafe owner has the right to ask a customer to be quiet should they deem the noise to be unacceptable and not comfortable for other diners.

That’s a rude and unkind comment

YANBU

Those parents were incredibly inconsiderate. If they choose to be in a public place, then they need to have some level of consideration for people around them and not actively encourage a toddler to scream loudly. If they want to do that, stay at home.

Well done for saying something, I think more and more people need to challenge behaviour like this.

Yanbu. There are loads of soft plays with cafes attached which are a far better place to take a bored toddler than a busy cafe. I hate shit like that it's so entitled.

Indeed.

YABU not to invite friend to yours just because DH wants to watch bloody Wheeler Dealers!

All it takes is a bit of consideration for everyone to have a nice experience.

The OP seemed to be reasonable, the family with kids behaving like little banshees...not so much.

I like your style of writing OP. I find no reason to criticise you for any reason whatsoever.
Best to your friend as well.

THIS!!

Were they screaming like banshees though or was friend being oversensitive and not used to children and normal noise levels bearing in mind a TV was "too much" as well?

Why not buy your husband some headphones and meet at yours next time ? get that the toddler screaming was annoying, but it's a sunday in the xmas holidays - definitely not the time to expect a quiet chat in a busy cafe..

You have a very vulnerable friend who's going through a really rough time, surely you can assume she's going to be feeling emotional.. yet this chat takes place in a very public cafe? Bigger issue than screaming toddler imo. Now I don't think families have the right to make everyone in a cafe feel uncomfortable so YANBU in that sense necessarily. But YABU to bring your poor friend out in public to discuss her upsetting circumstances. Get your bloody husband out of your hair for a few hours and make her comfortable in your home.

OP, I completely agree with you. What a horrible experience for you and your stressed-out friend. Some people are unbelievably selfish, particularly when it comes to imposing their children on others.

"Banshees" 😂 isn't it amazing how hyperbolic language can change the meaning of an objectively quite neutral everyday event like a parent interacting with their toddler.

Why do people go online just to make personal digs?

There should be cafes where children under 10 are not allowed. A bit like cafes that don’t allow dogs. Then at least people have a choice. And I bet they would be very popular. I enjoy well behaved, well controlled children with considerate parents. But otherwise keep your children at home.

Wow, you clearly have major problems!

If you had a problem you should probably have gone to the staff and they’d decide if you were reasonable or not.

I get your friend being stressed (I’m supposed to go to a café to hide out from stressful home life too as per my therapist) but it’s no one else’s fault.

Annoying, but believe me, it is nothing compared to what these products of gentle parenting will do (and already do) to the said parents when they grow up.

I don't think a café that attracts a packed crowd is somewhere I'd have taken a friend on the verge of emotional breakdown for a 'comfort chat'.

I think people think they can behave as they please in public spaces. I watched a Christmas show recently with multiple children behind me constantly kicking my chair and screeching in my ear and the little girl next to me had ants in her pants - I know young kids can’t be expected to keep still for lengths of times but she was about 7 and up/down from her seat constantly, rocking side to side, elbowing me etc and her mother turned a blind eye. I have kids with neurodivergent conditions and I still wouldn’t allow them to disturb people to that extend in a public setting.

Absolutely this.