Our comfort chat turned into an ear slitting screaming session

[Bridget05]

Ok admittedly I'm possibly much older than you lot out there, so I might need to call a taxi but here goes.
It's just after Christmas and I live in a tiny village with one coffee shop. We attract loads of families walking on weekends which is fine. But of course the shop is heaving. Again it's OK.
My friend had an awful Christmas day with an adult autistic son, a missing pet cat = son meltdown and she just needed a shoulder. Could not go to either home as hers contains adult son, mine contains old husband watching Wheeler Dealers on full volume.
So we luckily find our usual table and get a coffee ....okaaayyy I had cake as well.
A group of grandparents, parents and a toddler arrive and sit next to us..still OK.

Now I fully understand toddlers are noisy, I get it. But to keep the already overexcited child entertained they then began an interminable game of peek a boo, who's got your nose, piggy toes etc, which then turns a chatty chirping child into a screaming harpy , creating such a noise that no one can speak. My poor friend was almost in tears from the stress.
Eventually I nicely said (yes I can do nice) that while everyone understands children's noise, could they please not add to it by encouraging her.
Seems walkers from the big city find it difficult to take polite requests. Enough said.
So AIBU to just expect a parent not to encouraging loud noise in an already packed out Cafe or us it open season on quiet breaks now.

If her friend was in need of a "comfort chat" then a busy heaving cafe isn't the best location.

Seems basic common sense to me!

You are obviously right but unfortunately have just learned like me and others I know that if you notice and comment you will get a mouthful of abuse from the rude parents.

YANBU Parents just CBA to look after their own children anymore.

This.

Much easier to get one person to turn down a tv for a bit than expect a cafe during holidays to be quiet surely?

There are other choices than cafe ( not usually of much interest to toddlers) and screens

The OPs style is too try hard. I wouldn't read the book anyway.

This. Parents need to understand we don’t all want to hear their screaming little darlings. 🙄

Were they though or was that just the OP's perception. Parents can't seem to win. They are berated if they use screens to babysit in such situations and are told to engage with their child but here they are told they shouldn't. I wonder if the woman was just over sensitive bearing in mind she was already on the edge after her own child's behaviour

Except they were.

How about parents parent and not let their kids spoil everyone else's time out.

I'm not sure why this keeps being mentioned, there's a huge difference between allowing a child to cause a ruckus and entertaining them at reasonable noise level.

It's not a choice of screens or parental interaction, it's a choice between interaction appropriate for a given environment and interaction guaranteed to cause children to get overexcited.

But yes, everyone complaining about over-noisy children wants them strapped in a pushchair with a screen inches from their face (with headphones, of course).

It’s only ever loud people that need allowances made it seems. Loud people can do whatever they want apparently.
I’m autistic and cannot cope with people screaming or very loud unnecessary constant noise. (I’m fine with for example a concert or loud film. I am not fine with thumping music from a neighbour or someone crinkling a water bottle repeatedly or watching videos on loud on the bus etc)

Whenever you get threads about people being loud the responses are always along the lines of: Well they’re allowed out as well! Maybe they have special needs! They might have had a bad day so give them a break! If you don’t like it move or stay home! And so on.

Even a thread on here once about school someone was talking about children using clicking fidget toys and I said if I was at school sitting next to someone clicking and flicking about a toy all day I wouldn’t have coped. I was told I was excluding those with special needs who need fidget toys and if I couldn’t cope I would have needed to be removed from the class. (Which to be fair I would have loved as I much prefer solitary working). But it’s just funny how a diagnosed loud autistic or ADHD person can’t be excluded but a quiet noise sensitive diagnosed autistic person can.

So you pretty much see this in life all the time these days. If someone is making an unreasonable amount of noise you need to be tolerant and remember that maybe they’re having a bad day or maybe they have SEN. If for whatever you’re having a bad day or have SEN and just need a bit of quiet tough shit. You shouldn’t be outside around other people.

In the last 10 years the amount I need to either wear headphones or actually leave a place has increased 10x at least. Years ago people used to at least TRY and not create as much noise as possible. Now it’s accepted that you don’t even bother. Even in the cinema etc.

Children nowadays have screeches like the train whistle from “ Night of the Demon”

Crotch Goblins!!

People should behave socially when out in public. What the OP's husband does in his own home is more his own business. It's not unreasonable to expect people not to spoil an "out in public" experience for other people. Having loud children does limit your options somewhat.

I don’t think that came across as well as you’d hoped.

Yes, sit outside or in the car. If people want to wind up kids to make them screech and squeal, do it in their own quarters, not within a couple of feet of other people.

OP could invite the friend over for coffee at her house and ask her adult dh to turn the TV down .
a noisy cafe is not the place for a heart to heart.

It was spot on.

I think it was perfect!

Hmm. I had babies and toddlers for many years.
They’re noisy especially at Christmas.
Now I frequent a builders greasy spoon type establishment for the peace, as not v popular with families. You have to choose your venue if you want a quiet chat I think.

Maybe sending her husband out of the room isn't an option ( my house only has one room downstairs so husband would have to stay in bedroom or go out)

Being in public requires different behaviour to being in your own home. Screaming kids are annoying.

You'd also be moaning if they were on an iPad

You absolutely do have to choose a venue carefully if you want a quiet "comfort chat" with an upset friend, I completely agree

I found the posters style quite amusing.😆

As for her being unreasonable, I don't think so.
Some people need to control their kids when in cafe's and restaurants, we don't all want to go home with a bloody migraine.😣

Why can’t OP and her friend who can’t deal with being around people making noise (or so it seems) sit outside or go for a calming walk?