Our comfort chat turned into an ear slitting screaming session

[Bridget05]

Ok admittedly I'm possibly much older than you lot out there, so I might need to call a taxi but here goes.
It's just after Christmas and I live in a tiny village with one coffee shop. We attract loads of families walking on weekends which is fine. But of course the shop is heaving. Again it's OK.
My friend had an awful Christmas day with an adult autistic son, a missing pet cat = son meltdown and she just needed a shoulder. Could not go to either home as hers contains adult son, mine contains old husband watching Wheeler Dealers on full volume.
So we luckily find our usual table and get a coffee ....okaaayyy I had cake as well.
A group of grandparents, parents and a toddler arrive and sit next to us..still OK.

Now I fully understand toddlers are noisy, I get it. But to keep the already overexcited child entertained they then began an interminable game of peek a boo, who's got your nose, piggy toes etc, which then turns a chatty chirping child into a screaming harpy , creating such a noise that no one can speak. My poor friend was almost in tears from the stress.
Eventually I nicely said (yes I can do nice) that while everyone understands children's noise, could they please not add to it by encouraging her.
Seems walkers from the big city find it difficult to take polite requests. Enough said.
So AIBU to just expect a parent not to encouraging loud noise in an already packed out Cafe or us it open season on quiet breaks now.

It is unreasonable to expect that a busy cafe at this time of year would not have children/toddlers/babies present. The family were clearly engaging with the toddler, not just leaving them to scream and it is likely that the OP is exaggerating as that seems to be her writing style. The toddler could have been teething or had behavioural issues, or just being a toddler - some very unreasonable posts here. I can see why parents are anxious about taking young children out in public when they are faced with these sorts of overly precious judgemental attitudes.

If you want guaranteed quiet, meet up in the evening or go for a walk or to a library or better yet, stay home.

Super selfish and annoying parents. Totally thoughtless.

I think it's fine to say something, no need to be confrontational. I usually smile, have a little chat about what a lovely child they are, then ask if they wouldn't mind keeping it down a little as I have some hearing impairment and find it very difficult to hear what people are saying when the background noise is too loud.

Then we usually have a nice chat and all get back to our (quieter) lunch. People are generally quite receptive if you ask nicely.

Obviously if they're dicks, you go and dob them in to the staff...

The parents could have played with their child at home.

Easier to go to a packed, busy coffee shop that gets packed with walkers the first weekend after Christmas than asking your DH to turn the telly down or make himself scarce?? Your husband didn’t change his behaviour to suit you so why should another family? Toddlers are more difficult to control than grumpy old men in my experience.

In fairness the toddler was not crying or being naughty, just laughing and shrieking. I get that this would be annoying in a fancy restaurant but you keep saying the cafe was packed, so must have been noisy anyway.

Screeching from anyone, adult or children really stresses me out too. I got overwhelmed by noise. I use loop earplugs which are amazing for my hypersensitivity from my ADHD. I would 100% anyone use them if you get overstiumlated by noise. They've saved me many a time in busy places. You don't have to be ND to wear them.

I'd far rather be around a family engaging with the children than a perfectly silent toddler that has been put in front of a tablet at the table. But if the latter makes someone's life easier that day, I don't judge. Children can be annoying, as can sanctimonious adults.

Made me cringe 😬

I'm with the OP.

If you're in a café and your table is making so much noise that the next table can't hold a conversation, then your table is making too much noise and your table is a problem.

My youngest kid is still a teenager so I’m not exactly methuselah but the rule was always that if your kid was screaming/crying/shouting in a cafe or restaurant you took them straight OUT. You’d do your best to calm the kid & stop the behaviour with a stern word/cuddle/short walk then come back. If the behaviour carried on, you LEFT. The idea that everyone in the vicinity should put up with earsplitting screams feels like a very recent brand of parental entitlement.

Overstimulated* cannot edit my post

You are probably not being unreasonable but for serious conversations, the best place is in a car with a flask of coffee looking at a nice lake or something.

Other people are hell unless you are in a very relaxed mood.

I know a cafe which bans children and babies. They do a roaring trade and you never have to listen to whinging children. Bliss!

I'm not sure I would have had the nerve to say anything, but I'd have wanted to. I get that everybody is entitled to be in a public place, but some people just don't give a shit about other people around them. To be fair, I have been the annoying parent with the screaming offspring. My two sons were always pretty well behaved when it was just them, but when we went out with my friend and her two children, the noise was unreal when they got together as a pack. A few times we had to beat a hasty retreat out of a coffee shop because nothing was working. They were ok while they were stuffing their faces with scones and muffins, but once the food was finished, the volume increased. But at least we were aware of how annoying we were and left quite quickly, chucking the last of our coffees down as we went.

I think we need to cut the OP some slack on the writing style, she says in her post she's an older woman, and it reminds me of the way my mother writes on social media, which is aiming for conversational, and maybe not quite hitting the right tone because they're used to a more formal writing style.

It's fine, it would be boring if we were all the same, wouldn't it?

I certainly don't employ the errant nonsense my teenage daughter uses when speaking to my peers, so she no doubt considers me an antediluvian relic when it comes to online communication.

Did you actually read the whole post ???

Easier to go to a packed, busy coffee shop that gets packed with walkers the first weekend after Christmas than asking your DH to turn the telly down or make himself scarce?? Your husband didn’t change his behaviour to suit you so why should another family?

Absolutely this!

You will rarely get a positive response when you basically point out someone’s child/grandchild is being an utter pita. However, I’m with you op. Nothing against toddlers, but they are capable of sitting quietly in a cafe, at least mine were.

So rather than play with their child I guess you are in the group that actually want them stuck in front of a noisy screen instead.

I'm a professional writer and editor. There's nothing wrong with the Op's style.

People making excuses for the toddler family's rude antics are delusional. It's one thing if a child emits the occasional loud cry or laugh. Deliberately playing games to elicit shrieks from the kid in a public indoor setting is rude, rude, rude.

I think it’s a bit rude of people to encourage their child to be noisy in a public place. (I totally understand if a child is having a meltdown etc that is out of the parents control)

I am not the poster you were being rude to but I read the whole post. If her friend was in need of a "comfort chat" then a busy heaving cafe isn't the best location. If her husband refused to give up Wheeler Dealers perhaps they could have gone for a walk themselves or perhaps that's reserved for the ghastly outsiders?

Seems needlessly cruel to me.

They don't need to play in a cafe. Take the child home, to a park, to softplay etc for that.

Yep.