Was my Christmas Day "abstemious"?

[romanfriendsandcountrywomen]

I'm a little bit nonplussed because my brother's new girlfriend apparently found Christmas Day at our house "nice but more abstemious than she's used to". However, I'm also now wondering if I was perhaps a bit boring....

Present on Xmas day : DH, me, DD (19), DS (15), my parents (late 70s), DB (43), DB newish girlfriend (30 something) my niece (DB's daughter, 16.)

People arrived at 11am. It's morning so I offered teas and proper coffees etc while we opened presents. At 12.00 I opened 2 bottles of M&S sloe gin fizz (admittedly only 4% alcohol but lovely and nicer than Buck's Fizz imo) and everyone had a glass while finishing opening the presents.

About 1.00 I we had champagne and nibbles- probably about 1.5 bottles of fizz and lots of nibbly things )

Full Xmas dinner at 3.00. (Turkey, pigs in blankets, 2 stuffings, roast potato, roast carrots and parsnips, sprouts, broccoli, cauliflower cheese, Yorkshires, Christmas pudding and chocolate log.) Opened 2 bottles of red wine.

After dinner we played games and finished off the red wine and champagne. I made the traditional Christmas snowball for the teenagers. Lots of adults had one as well despite laughing at them! (Advocat, lemonade, line juice, cocktail cherry perched artistically on top!)

About 9.00 we watched a film and had cheese. I offered to open more wine and we also offered port or baileys but people were full so most just had a cup of tea.

People went to bed or got an uber about midnight.

I thought it had been a lovely day so the abstemious comment had thrown me a bit. Girlfriend is from a bigger family with lots of siblings who all bring partners and apparently it's a more "adult" affair. She was surprised there were no spirits or cocktails as apparently she doesn't really drink wine and drinks vodka cranberry/ vodka coke. We don't drink spirits so it never occurred to me and I did wonder why she couldn't have brought her own but I haven't said anything.

So there were 7 adults and 2 teens and we had 4 bottles of wine/ fizz, a couple of bottles of low alcohol fizz and snowballs, port and baileys offered. Over 12 hours apparently this isn't a lot.

Be honest. Was my Xmas day a bit boring? I probably should have asked what she liked to drink...

Our kids say it, the youngest is 31. Perhaps it’s having an adult vocabulary.

@romanfriendsandcountrywomen don’t beat yourself up about it.

The only rude person here was your brother imo.

Why was that necessary to tell you, unless he didn’t see it as a criticism.

She said she had a good time. Why not simply accept that instead of looking for fault with her words?

You like her and there hasn’t been an indication that she doesn’t like you all so why make her very likely benign words into an unnecessary drama?

Our kids say it, the youngest is 31. Perhaps it’s having an adult vocabulary.

Well by that logic a lot of kids must be on MNs today! 🙄

Did you try to limit what was served op? Because we have always noticed this as guests when the hosts are reluctant to open another bottle and the food looks stretched too thin for the number. This is very obvious to a guest and can be the cause of embarrassment, awkwardness.

Your Christmas sounds fine, but I think your brother is the problem here - why did he feel the need to drop that in conversation?

It sounds like a nice weekend lunch with friends/family. We’d definitely have more excess, but I wouldn’t criticise anyone doing things differently.

She is very young, op, and is obviously used to booze freely flowing but you did jolly well. I'd be wary of someone who needed alcohol to have a good time, it really isn't necessary and I have seen plenty of that in my 75 years, enough to put you off for life :-).

Don't worry about it, you made a lovely day by most people's standards and she was mean to say what she did, which should not have been relayed back to you anyway. Forgive her because of her immaturity and move on. She may not even be around in your family next Christmas!

She should have brought a bottle for the host and a bottle of whatever she wanted to drink, like a decent guest!

Sounds like she expected a bit of a piss-up, but it’s not always appropriate for a family Christmas. It’s a bit different to a get together with lots of young childless siblings…that’s definitely a her problem.

You were the one who reckoned it was generational, not me. That’s your logic, not mine.

Seems lovely. To me sounds like a heck of a lot of drink tbh, I don't drink but my mum/dad/nan had 1.5 small glasses of wine with dinner, uncle had a cider and that was it for drink

As long as she was lovely and thankful on the day I actually think your DB is so out of order here? I’ve passed plenty of comments to DH about events we’ve attended as he has to me… I would never expect them to be repeated though. Especially to the host! Why would he tell you that?

I do think as a couple they should have brought a bottle though. She should at least have brought what she expected to drink.

She wasn’t too embarrassed to comment negatively, was she?

Your day sounds very similar to ours. We had 8 adults. I think we got through 2.5 bottles of fizz, 2 bottles of red, 1/3 of a bottle of white, some port and some baileys. I had lots more to offer and but I guess there were a few very light drinkers and no big drinkers!

I prefer Christmas lunch to be nearer lunchtime as well. I wouldn't have wanted a more substantial evening meal though. We usually pick at leftovers and have cheese and biscuits.

I don't think it was that restrained alcohol-wise though.

@romanfriendsandcountrywomen your Christmas day sounded fantastic. I'm curious to know why Easter was a "never again" occasion. Are the girlfriend's family heavy drinkers?

"abstemious" is a neutral word....can be approving or crtitical.

Oooh! It’s a language argument!

Fight! Brawl! Tussle! Exchange blows!

<gets coat>

You were the one who reckoned it was generational, not me. That’s your logic, not mine.

You said

“I can’t believe how many people appear never to have heard the word “abstemious”, it’s in pretty common usage with everyone I know.”

and then

“Perhaps it’s having an adult vocabulary.”

I asked if it was generational, I wouldn’t expect many younger people to be in situations where they would use it commonly as why inflict that on yourself?! 😆I’ve no idea why you are so angry! Was your Christmas that bad?

So over the course of the whole day everyone got effectively a combined half bottle of wine and fizz - one large wine and one glass of fizz in other words?

I agree she should have brought her own but it does sound pretty miserable hosting too.

gosh it sounds absolutely lovely

But she didn't comment to OP, she made a comment to her partner in private, who, for some bizarre reason, then decided it was a good idea to mention it to the OP!

Why assume it is a negative comment?

She told her bf she had a nice time and naturally compared it to her family’s. He chose to tell his sister her comment.

I bet the only thing that would be embarrassing to her is that it was seen as a negative comment since nowhere has OP said that she has a feeling that this gf doesn’t like them and gets on with her.

@Birdscratch I wasn’t trying to cause a row 😆

we used to start with bucks fizz
then something else, cider for me,
red wine with the meal

this year we had beer/shandy, before eating
we didnt eat til 8 and consequently didnt start drinking until the meal was almost ready, so 6 or 7 pm.

with the meal rose for me, white wine for some red wine for others.
a cocktail/baileys later

i dont like to drink too much
been there, done that.

In your opinion.
Between the four of us (one being a driver) we had Poinsettia cocktails, champagne and red wine. Neither of the bottles of champagne or red wine were finished on Christmas day.

I tend not to want to drink again if I have had a drink at lunchtime.